Burns and Allen: Episode Transcripts

266 transcribed episodes of Burns and Allen, 1936–1950, in air-date order. Open one to read the transcript and play from any line, or listen to The Burns and Allen Show free, live around the clock.

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• Gracie Plays Sadie Thompson January 15, 1936 · 30:04
• Landing of the Indians at Plymouth November 25, 1936 · 31:20
• Gracie as a Dramatic Actor December 2, 1936 · 30:06
• Gracie Honors New Orleans December 9, 1936 · 31:06
• Poncho Villa Rides Again December 16, 1936 · 30:43
• Gracie's Christmas Carol December 23, 1936 · 26:49
• Recipe For Hollywood Sweetie Pie January 6, 1937 · 30:18
• Bob Burns Substitutes October 11, 1937 · 27:49
• Gracie's Christmas December 23, 1937 · 27:15
• Gracie's Murder Mystery January 10, 1938 · 27:29
• Another Murder Mystery January 17, 1938 · 28:08
• Gracie Reads Frank Parkers Telegram October 7, 1938 · 27:42
• Government Jobs February 28, 1940 · 29:37
• Hats Off to Gracie March 6, 1940 · 29:54
• Gracie's Triumphant Return March 13, 1940 · 29:25
• Surprise Party Platform March 27, 1940 · 29:35
• Till the Cows Come Home April 3, 1940 · 29:59
• Gracie Wins Wisconsin April 10, 1940 · 29:34
• All Promises Are Fictitious April 17, 1940 · 29:14
• The Biggest in the World April 24, 1940 · 29:14
• Aunt Clara Kangaroo May 8, 1940 · 29:04
• Rah, Rah in Omaha May 15, 1940 · 28:36
• George's Malady May 22, 1940 · 29:25
• Sweeping into Office May 29, 1940 · 29:16
• Swiss Family Robinson June 12, 1940 · 29:50
• Last Broadcast for CBS June 26, 1940 · 29:16
• Grandpa's 92nd Birthday July 8, 1940 · 29:27
• Kiddie Party July 29, 1940 · 29:12
• George's Movie August 5, 1940 · 29:39
• Gold Rush Gracie August 12, 1940 · 29:38
• George Late For Show August 19, 1940 · 29:32
• Elsie Trellafas Is Suing George August 26, 1940 · 28:59
• George Is on Trial September 2, 1940 · 28:45
• George Owes Money for Phone Calls September 9, 1940 · 28:49
• George Needs a Guest Star September 16, 1940 · 29:00
• George Writes a Newspaper Column September 23, 1940 · 28:42
• George Is Kidnapped by a Gangster September 30, 1940 · 28:35
• George Disguises Himself as a Woman October 7, 1940 · 29:10
• What's Wrong With Gracie October 14, 1940 · 29:08
• Professor Thorndyke Studies Gracie October 21, 1940 · 28:51
• George Tries to Get out of Broadcast October 28, 1940 · 28:56
• George Tries To Impress Fifi November 4, 1940 · 28:52
• Gracie Writes a Musical Comedy November 11, 1940 · 28:55
• Thanksgiving Show November 18, 1940 · 27:35
• Rehearsing Next Weeks Show November 25, 1940 · 29:08
• The Sponsor Drops By December 2, 1940 · 28:44
• George Gets a Black Eye December 9, 1940 · 29:04
• Gracie Writes a Play December 16, 1940 · 28:44
• Christmas 1940 December 23, 1940 · 29:08
• Christmas Show December 23, 1940 · 29:11
• Impressing Cobina Wright January 13, 1941 · 29:45
• Visits Art Gallery January 20, 1941 · 29:44
• The Five Thousand Dollar Mink Coat January 27, 1941 · 32:00
• From Chicago February 3, 1941 · 30:15
• From New York February 10, 1941 · 30:48
• Gracie Is Late For The Show February 24, 1941 · 29:18
• Saint Patrick's Day Parade March 17, 1941 · 29:23
• Looking for a Singer October 7, 1941 · 29:39
• The Insurance Exam October 21, 1941 · 28:56
• Playing Mrs North November 4, 1941 · 29:05
• Gracie's Old Boyfriend November 18, 1941 · 27:35
• Mailing A Christmas Package December 16, 1941 · 30:33
• Santas Workshop December 23, 1941 · 30:29
• Married, But Single October 6, 1942 · 28:38
• Successful Marriage Manual October 13, 1942 · 29:23
• Pooling Resources October 20, 1942 · 28:48
• 99-Year Lease October 27, 1942 · 28:12
• The Man from MGM November 3, 1942 · 29:26
• Expecting a Baby November 10, 1942 · 28:51
• Hat Box Hostage November 17, 1942 · 29:34
• Hit by a Club November 24, 1942 · 28:56
• Messy Mechanics December 1, 1942 · 28:18
• Being Neighborly December 8, 1942 · 28:42
• The Swami's Predictions December 15, 1942 · 29:36
• Santa and the Pirates December 22, 1942 · 29:25
• Gracie's Dating Service December 29, 1942 · 28:59
• Dr Jekyll and Mr Burns January 5, 1943 · 28:18
• Making George Jealous January 19, 1943 · 27:22
• King George January 26, 1943 · 28:54
• Good Help Is Hard to Find February 2, 1943 · 28:48
• Cast Your Ballot February 9, 1943 · 29:16
• Beauty Mark February 16, 1943 · 27:49
• Huckleberry Bucket February 23, 1943 · 28:13
• Playing Carnegie Hall Part 1 March 2, 1943 · 27:39
• Playing Carnegie Hall Part 2 March 9, 1943 · 27:40
• Concerto For Index Finger March 16, 1943 · 30:17
• Making George Sick March 23, 1943 · 28:57
• Victory Garden March 30, 1943 · 28:58
• Big Jake April 6, 1943 · 32:00
• With Claudette Colbert April 13, 1943 · 28:57
• Broke Uncle Hubert April 20, 1943 · 21:35
• George Runs For The School Board May 25, 1943 · 22:37
• Gracie Appears in Traffic Court June 1, 1943 · 23:54
• Gracie and Tootsie Work For Millionaire Playboy June 8, 1943 · 26:53
• Love Potion June 22, 1943 · 29:12
• Amnesia June 29, 1943 · 28:49
• Guest - Frank Sinatra August 31, 1943 · 29:20
• Shortage of Husbands September 7, 1943 · 28:31
• Guest - Brian Donlevy September 14, 1943 · 28:34
• Guest - Ray Milland September 21, 1943 · 29:20
• Guest - Ann Sheridan September 28, 1943 · 28:34
• Cowboy Love Tales October 5, 1943 · 29:04
• Eddie Cantor Stays for Dinner October 12, 1943 · 29:15
• Guest - Pat O'Brien October 19, 1943 · 29:21
• Guest - Hedy Lamarr October 26, 1943 · 28:33
• Jack Benny In The Beauty Shop November 2, 1943 · 28:33
• Guest - Walter Pidgeon November 16, 1943 · 32:00
• Secret Lover Of Loretta Young November 23, 1943 · 28:29
• Charles Boyer as Tex November 30, 1943 · 28:47
• Ida Lupino Plays A Housewife December 7, 1943 · 29:03
• Kay Kayser's Blind Date December 14, 1943 · 29:06
• Playing Santa Claus December 21, 1943 · 28:41
• John Garfield as The Gangster December 28, 1943 · 28:59
• Guest - William Bendix January 18, 1944 · 29:26
• Guest - Paul Henreid January 25, 1944 · 28:37
• Guest - William Powell February 1, 1944 · 28:10
• Guest - Adolphe Menjou February 8, 1944 · 29:08
• Fred Astaire Drives George Crazy February 15, 1944 · 24:04
• Guest - Cecil B De Mille February 22, 1944 · 32:00
• Guest - Dorothy Lamour February 29, 1944 · 29:05
• Guest - Alan Ladd March 7, 1944 · 28:22
• George The Genius March 21, 1944 · 27:45
• Guest - Brian Aherne March 28, 1944 · 28:17
• George's Door to Door Campaign May 9, 1944 · 27:26
• George Tries To Sing His Way Into Office May 16, 1944 · 28:36
• Kansas City's Favorite Singer June 6, 1944 · 29:32
• Kansas City War Bond Drive June 13, 1944 · 29:41
• No Money For Auction August 29, 1944 · 28:45
• George The Plumber September 26, 1944 · 30:46
• George Wants To Buy A Lot October 10, 1944 · 30:02
• George Thinks He Dented The Car Fender October 17, 1944 · 29:35
• Gracie Tries to Use Van Johnson October 31, 1944 · 28:36
• George Sings At A Bond Rally In Boston November 14, 1944 · 23:51
• Hotel Room Shortage in New York November 21, 1944 · 30:00
• Thanksgiving Clip November 25, 1944 · 7:54
• War Bond Show December 12, 1944 · 29:21
• Christmas Presents December 19, 1944 · 27:44
• Gracie Hires A Drama Coach For George December 26, 1944 · 30:10
• Alan Ladd Makes George Jealous January 15, 1945 · 24:46
• Finishing School January 22, 1945 · 23:56
• Gracie's Uncle John Proves To Be A Troublesome Visitor February 5, 1945 · 28:24
• Gracie Takes Steps To Remove Troublesome Neighbor March 5, 1945 · 28:30
• Neighbor Outsings George March 12, 1945 · 30:36
• Gracie Tries To Make George Look Young June 18, 1945 · 24:16
• George To Entertain Troops June 25, 1945 · 24:19
• New House - First for Maxwell House September 20, 1945 · 30:42
• Sugar and the Prior Owner September 27, 1945 · 28:00
• Dating Advice October 4, 1945 · 29:12
• Gracie Gives Meredith Dancing Lessons October 18, 1945 · 29:28
• Gracie Pretends to Be Bill Goodwins Wife November 1, 1945 · 29:12
• George Lands Movie Part as a Wolf November 8, 1945 · 24:51
• George Inherits Five Thousand Dollars November 22, 1945 · 32:00
• Gracie Goes Back To College November 29, 1945 · 29:54
• Taking in a Veteran January 3, 1946 · 29:14
• Gracie's Club Takes In An Opera Singer January 10, 1946 · 29:02
• The Beverly Hills Uplift Club January 17, 1946 · 29:01
• George Wants To Kick Meredith Willson Out January 24, 1946 · 29:32
• Gracie Tries To Hyponize George January 31, 1946 · 29:33
• Marriage Contest February 7, 1946 · 29:03
• The Sponsor Visits February 14, 1946 · 29:36
• George's Job In Washington February 21, 1946 · 29:23
• George And Gracie Buy A Chicken Ranch March 7, 1946 · 29:33
• George and The Wrestling Match March 21, 1946 · 29:37
• Playing Cupid for Meredith March 28, 1946 · 29:35
• Little White Lies April 4, 1946 · 29:35
• Gracie Joins A Literary Club April 11, 1946 · 29:49
• Can George Become A Cowboy April 18, 1946 · 29:38
• Gracie's Club Wants To Put On A Play April 25, 1946 · 29:28
• The Folly of Molly O'Malley May 2, 1946 · 29:49
• Guest - Harpo Marx May 9, 1946 · 29:23
• Newlyweds Next Door May 16, 1946 · 29:53
• Newlywed Advice May 23, 1946 · 29:50
• Summer Show Worries May 30, 1946 · 29:42
• George's Allergies September 5, 1946 · 29:52
• Gracie Against Crime September 12, 1946 · 29:51
• Nobody Remembers George's Birthday September 19, 1946 · 29:23
• Quiz Show September 26, 1946 · 29:42
• Marrying off Eddie Cantor's Daughter October 3, 1946 · 29:58
• Gracie Wants George to be More Romantic October 10, 1946 · 29:47
• Gracie Wants George to Replace Clark Gable October 17, 1946 · 29:45
• Gracie Wants George to Replace Gable - Pt 2 October 24, 1946 · 29:55
• Jack Carson and George Have An Acting Job October 31, 1946 · 29:53
• Getting Frank Sinatra To Leave Town November 7, 1946 · 29:54
• Guest - Louella Parsons November 14, 1946 · 29:54
• Guest - Clark Gable November 21, 1946 · 30:03
• Gracie Wants a Job for Christmas Money November 28, 1946 · 29:57
• Gracie the Problem Explainer December 5, 1946 · 29:47
• Gracie Baby Sits December 12, 1946 · 25:18
• Gracie Works for at the Department Store December 19, 1946 · 29:22
• Christmas Presents December 26, 1946 · 29:39
• Housewife's Guild January 2, 1947 · 27:12
• Last Year's Christmas Bills January 9, 1947 · 29:49
• Guest - Sonny Tufts February 6, 1947 · 29:48
• Guest - Cary Grant February 13, 1947 · 29:53
• 15 Years On The Radio February 20, 1947 · 30:21
• Gracie Takes Over The Household Budget February 27, 1947 · 29:10
• Gracie Takes Up Crime Solving March 6, 1947 · 29:09
• Kill The Rat March 13, 1947 · 29:24
• Crime Wave March 20, 1947 · 29:16
• Easter Hat War Council April 3, 1947 · 29:23
• Selling The House April 10, 1947 · 29:25
• House Is Built Over A Swamp April 17, 1947 · 29:23
• YMCA May 8, 1947 · 24:49
• Gracie Treats George Like A King May 15, 1947 · 29:18
• The Uplifters Society Monitors Inflation May 22, 1947 · 29:02
• Deciding How To Spend Summer Vacation May 29, 1947 · 29:04
• Beating The High Cost Of Living September 25, 1947 · 24:10
• Gracie Expects a Gift Pig From Cousin Henry November 6, 1947 · 30:41
• Cary Grant Speaks To The Uplifters November 13, 1947 · 29:21
• Gracie Has Romantic Notions November 20, 1947 · 22:45
• French Singer November 27, 1947 · 27:27
• Gracie Wants Bing Crosby To Retire December 4, 1947 · 28:52
• Gracie's Last Minute Christmas Gift December 18, 1947 · 29:25
• Gracies Christmas Party December 25, 1947 · 29:32
• George and Jack as Gypsies with Jack Benny January 8, 1948 · 30:02
• Allen Income Tax Time January 15, 1948 · 29:52
• Juggling Game January 22, 1948 · 29:55
• Separate Vacations January 29, 1948 · 29:42
• New Mink Coat February 5, 1948 · 29:50
• Babysitting for Kay Kyser February 12, 1948 · 29:55
• Keeping George from Making Decisions February 19, 1948 · 29:57
• Gracie Goes To New Orleans February 26, 1948 · 30:26
• Gracie Buys George An Easter Outfit March 25, 1948 · 29:40
• George Is Seeing The Green Eyed Monster April 15, 1948 · 29:26
• George Is Talked Out Of Buying Roses For Gracie April 22, 1948 · 28:12
• The 1918 Stutz Bearcat April 29, 1948 · 29:35
• Judson's Sister and The Oil Well May 6, 1948 · 23:57
• Gracie's Problem With Salesmen May 13, 1948 · 28:05
• Gracie's Mother Visits May 20, 1948 · 25:11
• Spiritualism May 27, 1948 · 29:16
• Kleptomanics October 7, 1948 · 22:21
• Gracie Wants Money for a New Dress October 28, 1948 · 27:09
• Fifteenth Wedding Anniversary November 11, 1948 · 28:50
• Who's The Boss November 18, 1948 · 28:59
• Turkey Swallows A Wedding Ring November 25, 1948 · 29:55
• New Year's Eve Party December 30, 1948 · 29:38
• Guest - Gregory Peck January 6, 1949 · 29:21
• Cesar Romero Steals Bill's Girlfriend January 20, 1949 · 29:06
• Gracie Plans A Unique Birthday Present For George January 27, 1949 · 28:35
• Gracie Sends Sam Spade To Jail February 10, 1949 · 27:57
• George Collects Alley Cats February 17, 1949 · 29:22
• Gracie Wants George To Be A Doctor February 24, 1949 · 26:51
• Gracie Smashes Into A Parked Car March 3, 1949 · 29:16
• Gracie the Girl Scout Leader March 10, 1949 · 29:04
• Marlene Dietrich - George Has a Cold March 17, 1949 · 28:39
• How Jack Benny Became Cheap March 31, 1949 · 28:51
• Guest - Robert Montgomery April 7, 1949 · 30:33
• Guest - Eddie Cantor April 21, 1949 · 29:36
• Gracie and the County Fair April 28, 1949 · 28:01
• William Boyd - George the Cowboy May 5, 1949 · 29:34
• George On Televison May 12, 1949 · 29:42
• Gracie Adopts Mickey Rooney May 19, 1949 · 29:38
• Chester Morris - Gracie the Magician June 2, 1949 · 28:31
• Gracie Joins A Women's Rights Group June 9, 1949 · 32:00
• Rudy Vallee - Emily Vanderlip's Boyfriend June 16, 1949 · 28:31
• Robert Young - Preparing for England Trip June 23, 1949 · 28:29
• Second Courtship September 28, 1949 · 29:53
• Gracie Wants To Be A Suffering Artist January 4, 1950 · 28:08
• Getting a Movie Contract January 11, 1950 · 30:00
• Gracie Resolves To Stop Worring January 18, 1950 · 25:53
• Ronald Reagan January 25, 1950 · 29:39
• Al Jolson's Vigorous Lifestyle February 1, 1950 · 29:34
• Gracie's Dented Fender February 8, 1950 · 29:54
• George And Gracie Offered Lead in Dulcy February 15, 1950 · 29:58
• Preparing The Income Taxes March 1, 1950 · 29:51
• Palm Springs April 12, 1950 · 23:54

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