The Phil Harris: A Present For Phil Aka Fitch Stockholders

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The F.W. Pitch Company maker, the Pitch Shampoo, presents the Pitch Van Wagon, with Elliot Lewis, Walter Tethley, Janine Ruth, and Whitfield, Robert North, Walter Charff and his music, and starring Alice Faye and Phil Harris.

Ten days ago, the board of directors of the Fitch Company met in their office in Des Moines, Iowa to decide on gifts to be sent to the stockholders of the company. Now let's go back ten days and look in on the meeting.

Mr. F.W. Fitch is speaking. Gentlemen, we've decided on presence for all our stockholders except one. What are we going to get for Phil Harris? But F.W., he's only got one share of stock. Why do we have to get him anything?

Oh, that's not the Christmas spirit. WZ Phil Harris is entitled to a present. Don't you agree, JR? What's that? Did somebody say something? I said we ought to send Phil Harris a Christmas present. I have a suggestion, F.W.

Yeah, I don't you send Mr. Harris a bus of you. Oh, I couldn't be. That WZ would seem awfully I'm a very hammy of me. No, I couldn't give Harris a bus of me as a Christmas present.

But I don't see why not. That's what you gave us last year. Did I give you a bus of me last year? Last year. The year before and the year before that. I have 19 bus of you in my house.

Really? Well, who had you keep them, Cheyenne? Oh, if I tell him, I'll get canned. Never mind, J.R. I think it's an excellent suggestion. I'll send Mr. Harris a bus of me. I'll pack it well in excelsior.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You said yourself it's a little hammy. Iskabibble. Let him call me a ham. We'll send the bus. There we look into the Harris home where Phil is writing a letter for the children.

Hey, look, kids. Maybe you better write your own letter to Santa Claus. After all, you know, when Santa gets a letter, it should look like it was written by a kid. With your spelling, he couldn't tell the difference.

Never mind, wingy. Say, girls, do we have to write to Santa Claus? Of course we do, Daddy. When you write to Santa Claus, he brings us whatever we ask for. I want a doll on the baby's carriage, and I want a party dress and a youth scooter.

Wait a minute, wait a minute, I'll write it down. Dear Sam, please bring us the doll, a baby carriage, a party dress, a new scooter, a pool table, and some cute chalk, and a light card.

Oh, this is for a pool table. If this stuff works, I want to be in on. Hey. Don't be here just here. Certainly, honey, he never fails. On Christmas Eve, you land on the roof with his reindeer, slide down the chimney, and land in the fireplace, and then with a big booming voice you'll say...

Good morning, Finne. I should add a fire going in that fireplace. Hello, Alice. Hello, children. Oh, sit up. Here's a package the Postman just gave me. It's for you, and it's from Des Moines, Iowa.

Say. I wonder what it is and who it's from. Well, if it's from Des Moines, it must be from the Fitch Company. And through the brown paper, I can see a gift wrap, so it must be a gift.

And since it's only two weeks before Christmas, it must be a Christmas present. Thank you, Jay Edgar Hoover. How do you mind if I open this? Well, you can't open it for Christmas. Well, I'm just taking the outside wrapping off.

Hey, look how pretty it's gift wrapped. Look, there's a stickin' on there, Phil. What does it say? Oh, wait a minute, I'll see. Season's greetings to my favorite entertainer, Phil Harren. From your pile F.W. Fitch, maker of Fitch's Sandra from Uber Shampoo and Fitch's new cream shampoo, the only shampoo containing both Lanlan and Ollie Boyle.

You can purchase this shampoo. Oh, what a sneaky way to get into a commercial. He's a cute guy. He had me reading that before I realized what it said. Well, I just thought of something. You didn't buy Mr. Fitt's a Christmas present.

Holy smokes. No, I forgot. Well, look, it's not too late. Now, listen, if we buy something today and send it out, then he'll get it in time. But now I want to get him something real nice. But what?

Well, I have a suggestion, Philip. Why don't you get Mr. Fitt's gift such as I received last year? I found it the most practical of my gifts. But now I just wouldn't be comfortable without one.

Yeah, what is it? A flannel night shirt with stocking cap to match. Oh, you kid. 23 skidoo and pal-rah-rah-boom, da. Well, don't make fun of it. No, but a night shirt in a stocking cap.

How square can a guy get? I'll tell you what, Bill. I have some Christmas shopping to do. Why don't you meet me in about an hour at Saksus Fafneh, and we'll look for something for Mr. Pitman.

Maybe we'll see a nice smoking jacket or a robo. Yeah, we could. Oh, wait a minute honey. I'll answer the door. Hi, Curly. Hi. Hello Frankie. Hey Frankie. Guess what? Why? I just got a Christmas present from the sponsor.

From the sponsor. Ain't that nice of them? You? I didn't get one. Yeah. You're gonna leave now. Oh, hello Frankie. How are you? I'm a little hurt. I want to send Curly a present and not me.

You know, I'm on the show too. I know, but that's different Frankie after all. Who's the star of the show? Alex, well let me put it this way. Who's the comedian on the show? Who gets all the laughs? I do. Let me frame it this way. Who's the brains of my radio show?

You're writers. There must be some way asking this question so I can come out on top. I'm not the president because he's a stockholder of the company. I'm stuck. Hold it. Hold it and trust for me. It doesn't even know how much he had.

Hey. Hey, maybe the stock is in that package. I'm gonna open it. No, don't think they're off of that until Christmas. I'm leaving now and don't forget. Make me in an hour of sex. Bye. So long, honey. Mmm. Goodbye, Alice. Mmm.

Thank you. You don't have to kiss her too. What, either one of you would open that package. Open a package? Oh, we wouldn't think of doing a thing like that. Well I hope not. Goodbye. She gone curling. Yeah. Thank you. Put it down.

It's my package and I'm gonna open it. All right. But hurry up. I'm kind of anxious to see what's it. All right. You go away with your kid whoa. Yeah. Yeah. Something that I got from my sponsor. Well he's been listening to the radio shows I've been doing for him and send it to me to show what he thinks of me that's why she I can't wait I wonder

what's in the second is a chicken with your car okay okay a lot of paper on well well what is it gee just what I wanted excels here oh okay I got it off Hey, here's the present. Hey, hey, that's something.

Must be good. What? Hey, hey, hey, it is. It's a man's head. A man's head? I better look through the package for the rest of the body. I don't know. Certainly is a... a jubilant looking guy.

That's the strangest face I ever seen. Wonder who it can be. All right, hold it a minute. Hold it. There's an inscription in the face of it. Let me see. Read it to me. It says, this is a bust of F. Frankie, I just heard our option drop.

This is a bust of F. W. Fish. F. W. Yeah. Handsome sort of devil, ain't it? Yeah. You know, some Franklin, he's the Reiki, Devanair type. Yeah. Gotta have a continental air about him. Yeah.

Yeah. He's a combination of Tyrone Power, Gregory Peck, Charles Boyer. Early, early, let's not overdo this. For what he's paying at the end, that's what he's looking for. He's a funny looking Jesus. He is not.

He's beautiful. Certainly he is. He was. It's a wonderful Jesus. That's why I need it. Funny looking here. What do you mean funny looking? Well, Joe, yes, I think that's a very nice gift for a little bit.

You ought to get something nice to send to Mr. Fish. I know that. Hey, uh, incidentally, uh, what do you think I ought to send him? How much to send him back at Squat? Beat it up, Foreman.

Roddy McDowell, get out of here. Go pop the made-a-jumps, son. Oh, it's Father. Hey, look, Frank, seriously. Now, Alice suggested that I get him something maybe like, uh, you know, like a nice smoking jacket.

Oh, curly, that's too corny. What you said of something personal, something can use. Where does he live? Iowa? What's that? Right, you don't be too stupid. I was a state. It's a western state. Right next to Rhode Island.

Indian Country. Well, look, clearly, as long as he's living in Indian Country, let's get him something practical. Let's get him a cowboy suit. Now boy, you still sure? Yeah. Oh, but look Frankie, he's a business man.

So what? They all wear them out there? Yeah, yeah, I've seen them on them out there. You're right. Sure. Hey Frankie, Otterly, why don't you come along with me to Stax, and then you can help Allison, me pick one out.

Okay, Shirley, let's go. Hey, you want to know something Frankie? What? I kind of envy Mr. Fitz, living in that Indian country. You know, they take things easy out there. Your temperance gets in the top hand.

All you got to do is just stop and pass that piece, pipe fairy that acts like the tuck Those chicken balls cheddar will teach you more all too If you feel a man is a wet hands man as you can possibly Get that that piece, pipe fairy that's on the hop like so

Then you make care of each of those legs too The little restraint Be and wipe all that war paint And if you find yourself in a fury Be your own judge and your own jury You be a pop man on the totem pole though if you want to be an alright guy

Not a long cause when you called it's grand to Patrick That's that piece by the parents hatches Like the chocknose, jigga-tose, cheddar, hoochie, chipper, waltz Those the key and makes the cheddar with you for the least Joe, Joe, cheddar Hey Frankie, huh?

Here's a spot where we're supposed to be Dallas right here in the men's department But I don't see her, do you see her anyway? No, I don't Hey Curly, why were we waiting? Why don't we take a look at some cowboy suits Here in Saks?

Hey, do you think they smell like kind of stuff in here? Well, sure. This is a swanky place. We can get a real nice one here. Let's ask that quirk over there. Hey! Hey, Carnation, come here!

Are you put chance for pressing me? Uh... Uh, yeah, do you carry everything in men's wear the most sure as it is? We have all the necessary accoutrements that are requited to the sartorial splendor of the impeccably clad.

Hey Curly, did he say something? He must have his mouth was moving. Gentlemen, I merely stated that we have everything in the line of clothing a man could desire. Now what is it you wish to do?

I want a cowboy suit. Will you be I-O-Kai-e? Look, don't get gay, boss sir, huh? Come on now, just so me- let me see some cowboy suits. Well, yes of course. And just what sort of cowboy suit would you like?

Well, any kind of... Why? Tom, so I'm speaking to the load of ladies. Look, but will you listen to me? I just want a regular cowboy too. I see some. I have just the thing for you.

A pair of chaps that's already bowed in one leg. Bolden one leg. Yes. For cowboys who ride tight then. Say, can I get a straight man to wait on me? Here's an outfit that looks pretty good.

Of course, it's 75 dollars. So what? 75 dollars for the boss. I don't care how much it costs. money's no object now. Hey look I'll take it and you can just charge it Bob. Well what's the name with Alice Faye? I'm sorry I didn't recognize you. You look much better in pictures. Please look just have the gift wrapped William and I'll stop back

for it in a few minutes. Anyway we'll only take a few minutes. Hey look Frankie I'll tell you what'll happen. I hope Alice think of a mind that I went and picked the present out without her, but it's going to be a huge student.

You know, she sort of had her mind stuck on that smoking jacket. Oh, there you are. What kept you so long? Oh, hello, honey. Well, look, Frankie and I just bought... Well, I hope you don't mind, but while I was waiting, I bought Mr. Fitz a stunning smoking jacket.

Yeah, Alice, but I was going to tell you to see this. I'm having a gift wrap, and I just know Mr. Fitz will love it. Yeah, but Alice, do you think a smoking jacket is nice enough?

Oh, listen, the one I picked is beautiful, and Mr. Fitz will adorn it. Now let's go and pick it up so we can mail it. Come on, fellas, come on, let's hurry. Hey, honey, okay, go ahead.

We're right in fact, have ya? Hey, Frankie, better go back and cancel that cowboy suit. I don't wanna. I like it, I think that's what we ought to send. Never mind. Now cancel a suit and go back there and take it back.

No, wait a minute. Look, I gotta get something for William for Christmas, so I'll give him the cowboy suit. Maybe he'll take the hit and go. Isn't that a stunning creation on that model over there?

But we get no women's department. Well, I just got to throw through in case somebody saw something he might want to buy for somebody for Christmas. This kid's as subtle as a sailor with a six-hour pad.

Hey, look, honey, I'll tell you what you do. Now you go ahead and get the smoking jacket and we'll wait here and then we'll meet you after you get off it. Oh, I know. Bye.

Hey, Frankie. Hey, Alice likes that thing on the model, so I'm going to take this off a tooth and get it to more for Christmas. Look, you stay here and buy it, and then I'll join Alice so she doesn't suspect anything.

Okay, here. Wait a minute. I'll wait. I want to write out a card to put in. Okay. There. Now, you buy it and put this card in. Okay. Can I charge this to Alice, too?

No. I'll pay for this. I can get it from her later. Put this card. Yeah. Okay, Curly. And I'll pick up the cowboy suit, too. I'll meet you back here. Well, Phil, here's Mr. Such a present. All wrapped.

Oh, gee, well, let me have it. I'll address it and then I'll mail it. Hurly, hey, Curly. I come here of everything. Oh, I see you've been doing a little shopping, Frankie. What have you got in those two packages?

Uh, these. Uh-huh. Oh, that's not my gut for my grandmother. Oh, that's... Yeah, she's a good-natured snuck. I always get it. Hey, come on, let's get out of here because I want to take Mr.

Fitch's present over in mail it. Uh, I'll do it for you, Curly. Thanks, Frankie. Now, look, you mail it and then we get you down to car. Me to sell it. Yeah, okay, wait for me.

I hate to see Curly send Fitch a smoking jacket. Don't show no originality. But if the old boy got a cowboy suit, he loved Curly. Of course, the only way you could get the cowboy suit would be for me to mail the wrong package.

Remly, what a despicable conniving thought. I do this. I wish Frankie would hurry. Hey, honey, you know something? You think we spent enough for Mr. Fitch's present? Well, it isn't what you spent for a present.

It's the thought behind it. A member. The bone belongs to everyone. The best things in life are free. The dog belongs. The flowers they all can come to everyone. Things in life are free.

I thought you'd never get home, Anis. What did you instead of buy for Mr. Fitch?

We sent him a smoking jacket, Willie. Yes, and it is very different looking smoking jackets. That is it. That is it. I say, Curly, I got to run along. What do you want me to do with these two presents for Allison Willie?

Oh, Frankie. Now you're spoiled. You always have to do. You weren't supposed to say anything. You brought a present for me, Silly? Oh, yes, I did. Here. I might as well give it to you now.

But remember, don't open it till Christmas. Oh, I can't wait till Christmas. No, I just have to open it now. No, wait a minute, Willie. That ain't nice. Oh, look at this smoking jacket. Smoking, Captain.

Oh... But I bought you something else. Oh, the careless clerk. Is the smoking jacket I bought from Mr. Fitt? Frankie, what package did you make? Oh, would you excuse me, folks? I gotta get down to the delicate test and help a guy file a war.

So, off the pickles, he's got a ramen. Frankie, what did you do? Now, did you mail him the other... What's in this package? Oh, I'd better open it and see. Now, wait a minute, Alice. Don't do that. That's your present.

That's my present. Yeah. Do you like it? You're it. That's what I always wanted a cowboy suit. You got the cowboy suit? Franky, don't look at me like that, Curly. This I didn't plan on.

Oh, by mistake, I must have mailed the presents you got for Alice. You said Mr. Fitch the thing I got for Alice? Oh, no! No! Well, what do you know, JR? I just received this package from Bill Harry.

Now wasn't it nice of him to send me a Christmas present if you say so F.W. What in it? I don't know but I don't miss him see I Just carefully still sister Well, I over here. What is it F.W. What did he send you a sheer black?

Neglicate don't you think that would be a little too chilly for you? And just look, a cis card is sent with it. What did it say? Dear Dreamboat, on you this will look good. Alec will be back in just a moment.

Is your shampoo doing right by you? Yes, is your shampoo doing right by you? My shampoo ladders all right, but it doesn't remove my dandruff. I've tried one shampoo after another. They all set up and rinse out, but I still have dandruff.

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So switch to Fitch at drug counters, barber and beauty shops. Ask for Fitch's dandruff remover shampoo. Fitch shampoo does right by you. Do you want to be ashamed of yourself? Why did you and Frankie open the Christmas present with the pitch fan to?

Well, we had to open it. Frankie said it was the only way I could show that I had the Christmas spirit. What do you mean? Well, I had to find out how much pitch spent on me so I'd know how much to spend on him.

That's the Christmas spirit. Union next week when the F.W. Pitch Company again brings you the pitch fan wagon with Alice Fae and Phil Harris. This program was written by Ray Singer and Dick Chevrolet directed by Paul Phillips.

Alice say appears to the courtesy of Claudia's Century Fox. The father Frankie was played by Elliot Lewis. Ha ha ha ha. So while I let it song to your son, you bitch. You can use your head, save your hair, you bitch.

Girls for softer, shinier hair, you asfichest new cream shampoo. It's made with both Lanolin and Olive Oil. Lanolin's a soften, olive oil for sparkling highlights. Try fritches, cream shampoo, the old form and speaking. This is NBC, the National Broadcasting Company.