The Phil Harris: Emilys Musicalereturning From Lake Arrowhead

Use your head, save your hair, use fish, catch! The F.W. Pitch Company, makers of those fine-fitch products, present the pitch bandwagon, starring Alice Fae. No, nevermore, I love you. Nevermore, just how much I care.

Paris won't come with me to Alabama, let's go see my dear old man, she's frying eggs and prawling hammy. And that's what I like about the sound. Last week, Phil and Alice spent a few restful days up at Lake Arrowhead.

We find them now, driving back to Hollywood, through the beautiful San Bernardino Valley. It's a typical sunny California day. You can't see a thing, Phil. Turn your fog lights on. No, no, honey, it's not the bad along here. I can almost see the radiator cap.

We better get somewhere somewhere. We got an awfully late start. Okay, honey, we'll stop at the while. Say, uh, what are all those bushes growing alongside the road there? I've been noticing them for the last hour.

Why, they're vineyards, Phil. This is the heart of the grape country. What's grapes? Why, Phil, they crush grapes to make wine. Yeah? Of course. Years ago, people used to trample grapes into wine with their bare feet.

Phil Horace, you get back in this car and it puts your shoes on. Mrs. Harris, welcome home. Hello, Sissy. How were things while we were gone? Well, they were just fine. Was it very cold up at Lake Arrowhead?

Cold, oh, Sissy. It was so cold the only way I could keep warm was to tune into Gabriel heater. Oh, Harris, you kitchen comedian, you. You're just a person. Oh, by the way, there's some mail for you in on the coffee table.

Oh, thank you, Sissy. We'll find it. Good night. Good-bye. Hey, honey, look here. We must be very popular. We got a lot of mail today. Hey, what's this one here addressed to you? I don't know.

Open it up. What is this? Dear Mr. Harris, thanks for your letter. As requested, we are sending you our special Dynamic Pension Muscle Building Course. Oh, no. Signed Charles Atlas. Hey, all. What did you send for a course from Charles Atlas?

Well, I've seen his picture in a magazine and I can't stand to have anyone prettier than I am. Oh, look, here's a letter addressed to both of us. Let's see now. Why, it's an announcement from Emily Williams. She's giving a musical tomorrow.

All right, so what? Them's Nootie party she gives ink for us. Well, I think we should go to this musical. Emily always has so many interesting people to talk to. What do you mean, interesting people? I talk to you all the time, don't I?

I know honey, but once in a while I like to get out and hear some two syllable words. Oh, yeah, look. I know plenty of two syllable words. Name one. Loman Abner. Don't tell me. Look, honey, we don't want to go to no swanky parties. I don't know how to act at them affairs.

Well, that's no problem. Just be yourself. Yeah. I tried being myself the last one we went to and they threw me out on my nose. Well, I'm looking forward to a very charming evening. Oh, Mrs. Sirety, huh?

Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo. You don't think it ain't been charmed me? No, no, not at all. Well, look, kid, until you got in this picture, racket, your idea of a big night was to buy a palabear and ride back and forth on the Staten Island Ferry.

Phil, I never rode back and forth on the Staten Island Ferry. Oh, no, then how come you always back into your slip? I feel like I covered the children. Why don't you take a last look at them before we turn the light out, huh? Yeah honey, I'd love to. Let's look at those cute little rascals. Sound

asleep. Gee, they're so sweet and innocent. I wonder if I ever looked like that. Nah. Well, good night, Phyllis. Good night, baby Alice. Are you awake? Yes, Alice. Did Daddy kiss you too I'll say oh I does old hotshot need a shave yes and he got vanishing cream all over me welcome daddy cute and his new sleepers yes he is that feeding

them just like ours did you know the said he when he tips those out uh-huh Why did the dark sleepers have rhinestone buttons? I don't know. It's what they brought us from our head. I don't know.

If somebody gives me one more where I pammed off, I'll scream. We try to go to sleep now, Phyllis. Oh, I. Hold his daddy? I don't know. I heard him tell Phyllis he was 29.

Oh, murder! What are you laughing at? Twenty-nine. That's as high as that it can count. Goodnight, Phyllis. Goodnight. Goodnight. Good morning, Sissy.

I bring in some flowers for the house. Oh, well, put them down there. Say, what's that under your arm? Oh, these are Mr. Hara's shoes. I found them this morning in the car. Full of grapes.

Yes, they got home from Arrowhead last night. was he? No, no, not this time. You know, they are getting around a lot lately. Yes, yes they are. Luigi, have you ever been to a musical? A musical? Oh yes, that is a gathering at someone's home where the guests are entertained by beautiful music.

Well, Mrs. Harris is taking Mr. Harris to one tonight. Oh, murder. That's going to be something. But Luigi, Mr. Harris is a musician? Musician. Sissy, charity begins at home. What you are overdoing is... LAUGHTER Anyway, I don't think you'll go.

Oh, he'll be there all right. Mrs. Harris says that you'll go or I'll cut off your allowance, lookin' her eyes. LAUGHTER Maybe it's all, Sissy, but five is gonna get you away. He comes home with his skin nose again.

LAUGHTER Oh, by the way, has Mr. Harris left yet? Oh, yes, he just went off in the car. He had to go downtown. Man, what a day. Just listen to that motor purr. Yeah, not if I can only get something good on the radio.

Oh, that's the radio, and you are happy. And now here is the one and only, Frankie Remley of Phil Harris' Orchestra. Bringing you his transcribed musical frost warning. LAUGHTER Frost warnings. So that's the big radio job he told me about.

Take it, Frankie. There is no sunshine in old Pomona The fruit is freezing in Anaheim The Georgia donna get your smudge pots out in time I smudge pots, my only smudge pot You keep the orange air free from blights And to without you in California, though you stink the air of H.N.I.

stink the air up. He's not doing so bad himself. I gotta change that guy. Maybe I can get some dance music on here. Hey, that's more like it. Sure. I remember this one.

Come on along and listen to the lullaby of Broadway. The hip-rae and the valley hoof, the lullaby of Broadway. The rumble of that subway train, the rattle of the taxi. The dappadill to entertain at Angelo's and Maxie's squam.

The Broadway baby says goodnight, it's early in the morning. Man-hatting babies won't sleep tight, until the dawn's so. Goodnight, baby. Good night milkman's on his way Sleep tight, baby Sleep tight, let's call it a day So come along and listen to the lullaby of Broadway The idea went the rebuy of the dude, the lullaby of Broadway

The band begins to go to town and everyone goes crazy You rock a by your baby round till everything gets hazy hush-a-bye I'll buy you this and that you hear a daddy saying Then baby goes home to her flat to sleep all day so good night baby Good night old milk man's on his way

sleep Baby Sleep tight, let's call it a day. Listen to the lull of I'll hold, Broadway. Some gentlemen like blonde, some brunette, some redheads.

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Fitch has been granted the good housekeeping seal and the parent's magazine commendation seal. Ladies, be hair beauty wise. Use Fitch's Dandruff Remover Shampoo regularly. Fitch's spell, F-I-T-C-A. Hey, Frankie. Hey. Hey, what are you doing standing here on the corner of Vine Street waiting for my fiance?

Yeah What's her name? Leilani Leilani Schwartz Leilani Schwartz. Yeah pretty. Yeah, it's very pretty. Hey, are you really engaged? Sure around her neck She's wearing my guitar pick Gee Frankie, I'm glad to hear it look come on with me a minute. Willie. I want to talk to you Let's get a cup of coffee. Okay. Hey, wait a minute. I'm saying a bad looking rested right here. Let's try this joint. Okay after you

Here's a both let sit down. Hey Frankie I heard you on the air coming down there. Yeah, I'm transcribed for us one and Zara. All right, huh? Well look Frankie. I wish you wouldn't take them outside jobs. It lowers the dignity of our organization Okay, Curly, but you don't help us none with that show of yours.

Let's get to waiting. Okay. Good day, gentlemen. May I help you, please? Yeah. Yeah. What do you got? Oh, we have very nice chicken chow mane, egg for young, broads in a soup, leeching out very good lead cook pork with bamboo shoots.

Yeah. Well, all we want is two cups of coffee. cups of coffee. Oh, all right. I certainly took coffees. Come to me my tiny egg little baby coddle up with soybean sauce. You need to cuck it on your own. Oh wait, wait.

You get a floor show with this waiter. What kind of a guy is that? What kind of a waiter is that? Oh, where do you see the coffee? You have to eat it with chopsticks.

Oh no. Hey Curly. Yeah Frankie. How about you and me doing a town tonight? No, no, no, Frankie, don't start that. We've been all through that before. Anyway, I couldn't make it tonight. Oh, yeah. I forgot about Alice.

The warden won't let you out. Stop it, it ain't that at all. Me and Alice is going to one of them music cows tonight. Music cows? Yeah. Oh, twine me a garland of roses. Oopsie-poo-sy.

Well, don't get so nervous, kid. not my idea but all I wouldn't be wanting to go I'm gonna hate every minute of what do you mean if you gotta go make the most of it but Frankie I'm gonna feel out of place I won't out act with him society apples suppose they start bragging

to me about their stocks and bonds and then ask me how much money I got what am I gonna say don't say nothing Phil just point the Well, that's slowing down. Yeah, but be sure you watch how you eat though.

You mean them guys eat different than we do? Sure, Curly. All them rich people chew their food with loinettes. Loinettes? What's that? I don't know. I think it's an upper plate with a built-in mix mask.

That sounds pleasable. Yeah, it could be. Look, Frankie, are you sure, though, that them? Here we are, please, two cup coffee for A number one, genuine. Also two tiny TV skits with fortune in shan.

Oh, fortune in shan. Yes, fortune. Hey, I better look at my fortune. Let me see what I got here. Hey, look, Curly, it's only Chinese. Yeah. Hey, but what does it say? Oh, I'll lead it to you.

Nijikamai, Senua, Hidinya, Fichampu, Deeera Mhaheob, Diri Jaz Nya. Oh, what would I like about this house? Oh, yeah. Yeah, but what does that mean? Oh, American translation, take back your shambah aye, or dambah aye, or kangah aye, full yung, and then I Blake my back.

Oh, frankly, let's get out of here. If I can get dressed Phil, we ought to leave for the Williams' in a half an hour. Okay honey, I'll be ready in a minute. I laid all your clothes out on the bed.

Hey, wait a minute Alice. Where did this dinner jacket come from? Where's the one I used to wear when I took the band on the road? Oh Phil, you can't wear that one tonight. It might scare someone.

The way those lapels light up. But honey, I just put the special Christmas bulbs in. Well I'm sorry you can't wear it Phil, besides the batteries are day off. Okay, okay. Hey, Alice, I can't get into this shirt.

Here, here I'll help you. Pheel, what did you get those awful suspenders? What's wrong with them? Well, look at what it says on them. Souvenir of Atlantic City, 1926. I'm darned-tootin' them proud of them too.

That was the year I got honorable mention in the bathing-beauty contest. You know what, Steppenot liked this honey? Reminds me of that song that you did, and one of them pictures a long time ago.

Don't you remember it? Slummin' on Park Avenue. Oh, yes, I remember that. MUSIC Put on your slummin' clothes and get your car Let's go sight and see where the high-torn people are Come on, there's lots of fun and star for you See how the other half lives on Park Avenue Let's go slumming, take me slumming, let's go slumming on Hark Avenue.

Let us hide behind the parafancy blossom, and make faces when a member of the Closses, passes, let's go smelling Wear that dwelling See everything, everything the way they do Let us go to a bay do Let's go swimming, no swimming on Let's go smelling, wear that dwelling Snipping everything the way they do

Let us go Let's go slamming, no, Sammy. Here's that joint where the party is, Williams' wig, wam.

Gee, there's a lot of cars parked here. Where are you going to park? Right here between these two linkens. Well, that space is too small. You'll never get in there. Oh, what are you talking about?

I'll make it all right. That'll be as easy as one, two, three. One, two, three. Well, now you've done it. You've smashed our trunk and not find us with the car behind. Well, just don't sit there, kid.

get out and jump up and down on the bumper. Phil, I'll do no such thing. Look what you've done to this car. It's a wreck. Oh, what are you squawking about, kid? You got Cadillac's at home. You ain't even used yet.

Come on, come on. Let's get into the house. Okay. Hey, Alice. Look at that guy at the door at the Williams'... Is he kidding with that monkey suit? Get a load of that guy. Phil, that's the butler.

Oh, the butler? Well, slipping five bucks. Maybe he'll give us a front table. The quieties announcing the guests. Mr. and Mrs. Rodney Cavendish, Lord and Lady Guilfoyle, Ms. Mahitabel Boyadgion of Cucamonga, Mr. David T. and Ms. Helen Carter.

Go ahead, Phil. Give him my name. Hey, bud. Bill Harris arriving on track five. I beg your pardon. Excuse me. We're together. I'm Alice Fane. Oh yes. Miss Alice Pei and one meatball. You know something else, I'm liable to punch that character right in the nose.

Oh don't be ridiculous. Give him your hat and coat. Yes. If you be so kind sir, may I take your things? Thanks. Yes. Okay. Here. Thank you. Here. Thank you. Here. Thank you. Here. Thank you.

Here. Here. I'm sorry sir, but we have no facilities for checking under shirts. That's my dinner jacket. Bill Harris put that jacket back on. What, and hide my Atlantic City suspenders? I had informed Mr. and Mrs. Williams you're here. They're in the drawing room.

Good. Tell her to draw two for us. Tell it to go easy on the collar on mine, bud. Fill it up, fill it up. That'll come along. Sir, Arrogen and Duckworths, with the counters of Binier, Mr. Harald R. Wickerson, with the Duchess of Leicester, Irving Ploughnick, with the ice cream from Pritik.

The right arm with the nose blue. Boy. Gee, honey, is it good to get home? Yes, that was quite a party, Bill. Yeah, sure. Well, you can say that again.

Quite a party. I'm glad we can sleep late tomorrow. I'm beat, honey. My feet are killing me. Who was that woman you were dancing with? Oh, I don't know. Some British dame. I don't know who she was. She stepped all over.

My feet got powder on my lapels, put her clammy hand on the back of my neck, and then asked me if I was Ray Noble. You know my coat's longer than that. Well, Phil, I must admit you did pretty well tonight, except for one thing.

What's that? After the title, you went up to that soprano and said, look, kid, you do all right. If you just get rid of that broken John Piano player, you got there. There. Right there.

Well, what was wrong with that? Nothing. Nothing. Only that broken down Piano player happened to be Jose Aterby. Jose. Good night. Good night. Allison Phil will be back in just a moment. Public enemy number one.

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Let's get the news on the radio before we go to sleep. Oh, you want to know? Okay. There you are. And now we resume our program of dance music from Ling Toi's Chinese American restaurant in Hollywood.

Take back your shumba, Ayo Yamba, Ayo Kangare, Oh Good Night. I ain't finished yet. Oh, will you please get this? In next week, when the FW Fitch Company again brings you the Fitch Bandwagon with Alice Faye and Phil Harris, this program is written by Joe Connolly and Bob Mosher, directed by Paul Phillips, with the original music composed and conducted by Walter Sharp, included in

the cast for Janine Ruse and Anne Whitfield, Elliot Lewis, Hans Conrade and Myra Marsh. Alice Faye appears to the courtesy of Twentieth Century Fox. Man use Fitch's ideal hair tonic daily. It makes your scalp tingle with that feeling of new life and pep. Fitch's ideal is not sticky or greasy, so pep up your scalp and give your hair that well-groomed look with Fitch's ideal hair tonic. Bill Foreman speaking.

This is NBC, the National Broadcasting Company.