Life with Luigi: Luigi Attends PTA Meeting

From Chicago, we invite you to enjoy life, like with Luigi, a new comedy show created by Sigh Howard and starring Jay Carroll Knight. A year ago, when Luigi Vasco left Italy to start his new life in America, he promised his mother that he would write her and tell her about his adventures.

So now we look over Luigi's shoulder as he writes another letter to Mama Vasco in Italy. Dear Mamma Mia, how you like the news from England? Princess Elizabeth does she have a little boy. So now England is she's a really a mother country.

In the last letter you say you surprised my English writing is so good. I can explain you why. First thing when I come to Chicago, I go to night school at night. I wish you mama Mia, you could see my teacher miss Paul Dean.

She's got the beautiful eyes like a Mediterranean. Her hair is gold like a sun over Albers. And her shape. Mamma Mia fit the leaves in such a good shape they don't need a martial plan.

So you see Mamma Mia, I'm studying very hard because I don't want to be like our countryman for Squally who bring me here. He is here 26 years and all he knows is to work.

Marnia and Rosa. Is too bad that she is not worth her weight in gold. He's so fat that I'm a mead that if fellow marries her, he is a commit to bigger me. But this morning, I'm not thinking about the Pascualio Rosa.

I'm talking to my 12-year-old general manager Jimmy O'Connor, who is a like my son. And I'm helping him with his lessons before he goes to school. I say to him, what are you doing Jimmy?

An algebra problem. It's pretty tough too. Stop looking for the answer in the back of the book. He's an autonomous. Read me the question and I give you the answer. But is it honest if you figure out the answer for me?

No, worry, I won't. Yes. But I try. Is all common sense. Now read me a question. Okay. If Tom can dig a ditch in two hours and Harry can dig the same ditch in one hour, how long would it take Tom and Harry if they dig together?

Oh. What answer it gives in the back of the book? And he told me not to look. That's right. We use the common sense. Harry digs a hole in two hours. And no, Tom digs the hole in two hours.

The same thing. Later they're gonna dig the hole together, so it makes no difference. No. Well, never mind, boss. I'll figure it out in school. Never put off a Jimmy is the bad of happiness.

We figure out that by common sense, Tom digs hole in two hours. Harry digs the same hole in one hour. Right. How long would it take Tom and Harry if they dig together? Heh heh heh heh heh.

It's a funny thing. What's funny? Just two weeks ago was election. Harry stands still and Tom digs his own hole. I'm sorry Jimmy, maybe it's a little hard to figure out by common sense. Oh that's okay Mr. Luigi, you help me with my American history.

Is my favorite of the subject. Jimmy, you're a lucky boy, you're born here. Boss, do you really wish you were born in America? Yes. And next time I'm born I know better. Jimmy is getting left, you better go in the back, have a glass of milk and go to school.

Okay. Well, I think I dust off my antics. No, better I put dust on antics, make some look older. Hello, Mr. Luigi. Good morning, my teacher Miss Spaulding. It's a big pleasure to see you.

I was on my way to school, so I thought I'd drop in for a minute. Is a wonderful idea. Look, how old place to light up because you're here. Please, sit down on this Teddy Roosevelt rockin' chair.

Why do you call it a Teddy Roosevelt rocking chair? It has no arms and it's rather hard. that Iruzavela was a rough rider. Well, I'll take this chair. It seems more comfortable. Fine. She's also a good chair. American and Mahaganate, Duncan Five-Styles.

Good. Then I can be patriotic and comfortable at the same time. Is it alright if I sit next to you? Certainly, it's alright. Thank you. How's the business, Miss Balding? Well, teaching school can hardly be called a business.

But it must be a wonderful thing to be a teacher. Everybody they love you, they respect you. I bet you all the kids in your class they're crazy about you. Yes, but they have a quaint way of showing it.

What do you mean? Well, Mr. Basko, did you ever spend a day dodging spitballs? Or did you ever shake hands with a piece of bubble gum? Or were you ever hit by a jet propelled or raised?

Miss Spalding your life, she's in danger. Well, it's not as serious as that, Mr. Basko. Well, if the kids do bad things, you tell me miss Pauling. I picture them respect. Oh, no, Mr. Luigi. We don't use four.

Then how you punish them? Well, occasionally we keep them after school. Miss Pauling, don't be a favor. Please punish me, huh? LAUGHTER Now, that's the better. Don't be sad no more. All you need to miss Pauling is same thing everybody needs.

Somebody who's saying nice things, Especially if somebody is a nicer fella. I find my ten years younger. Miss Spalding, and if I have a big store like a marshal and fields, then I buy you the wholest store in a school and I give you a fucker Christmas present.

Then I go there every day and I hold your hand like this, and I say, good morning my beautiful teacher Miss Spalding. Mr. Luigi, I could kiss you for that. What, I've finished my mouth.

I'm out. Jimmy, go back and drink some more quads. I know you're here, Miss Balding. Yes, yes, so I am. I just dropped in. In fact, I'm leaving. That's right. We'll walk to school together, Mr. Luigi.

I mean, Jimmy. Sure. Goodbye, my dear, Miss Balding. Goodbye, Mr. Luigi. Will I see you this afternoon? You see me any time you like Miss Balding. I mean, at the PTA meeting. PTA? Are you on a relief for Miss Balding?

No, PTA means parent teachers association. Didn't you give Mr. Luigi one of those notices, Jimmy? I forgot. Why you forget such a thing of Jimmy? Sure I go, Miss Spaulding. But, Boss, it's mostly mothers.

So what? I'm like a mother to you, Jimmy. Miss Spaulding is true that he's all the mothers at the PTA. Well, the odds are that you'll be the only man among 30 or 40 ladies.

That's so wonderful. Well, I dusted my spatula. See you this afternoon at the me. Jimmy, why didn't you tell Mr. Luigi about the PTA meeting? I just told you. I forgot. You're not ashamed of him. Are you Jimmy?

No, of course not. Don't leave the... That's what? Oh, nothing, Miss Pauline. You better tell me, Jimmy. Well, it's just that you don't know Mr. Luigi like I do. What do you mean? Well, there's more than two people around. He thinks it's duty to make a speech.

That isn't true, Jimmy. Oh, yes it is. At the July 4th Fall game between our scout teams, he made a stop the game so he could read the preamble to the Constitution. And this was with three men on base!

I think that's very commendable. And you should hear those speeches he makes to the statues. Yesterday I heard him talk to the statue of Patrick Henry all about liberty and death. At the end of an hour I swear I heard Patrick Henry say, give me death!

Well, I'm sure no such thing will happen this afternoon. Don't be too sure, Miss Balling. He's so good-natured and he's so happy to be invited someplace that'll wind up serving the food, making a speech, taking tickets at the door, and finding out if the people are related to the signers of the Declaration of Independence.

I just don't believe it, Jimmy. Mr. Luigi just wants to participate in civic activity. He wants to feel it, he belongs. The PTA meeting this afternoon will help round him out. Sure. And flatten out everyone else.

Fred, hello, Luigi. Hello, hello. Hello, Pascuali. I come over to Esquilal Favour. Show everybody who comes to my spaghetti palace, they call it a favour at the place. What do you want? I have to go to Jimmy's school this afternoon.

No. That's the matter. The kid in the trouble? No. I must make a speech. Then there are the whole schools in the trouble. What the for you want to make a speech? You know understand Pasquale? Is parent teachers association?

That's the matter. You're crazy. The first place you know parent, and the second place you know the. Then I must be association. You've got too many places, Luigi. You always are running like a little mouse.

Stay home. Mind your own business. is my business what happened in school who asked you to make a dispute to Jimmy no it's a spaldy no is my one idea you go to make a speech watch this so funny listen to Luigi right now everything she's a final between the united states and Italy you make a speech that the whole

award starts up again please to keep you mouth shut is a free speech in the united states so I speak in the second place Luigi this I submit that as a for ladies, not a for man, or what before you go.

Maybe I meet the nice American lady. It's only mothers to go, not the singular ladies. So is maybe nice widow lady. Widow lady. Not somebody with a my daughter Rosa. She's not a widow. You marry her now, we see what happens later.

But Wally, I'm gonna have to come up to talk about Rosa. Luigi, my friend. Why you don't want to marry my rosus? Just because he's a little bit wet, a chubby little bit. Momma, me if I marry rosus and not a marriage is a project.

But the normal talk about rosus. All right, all right. Do we know the talk about a rosus? Thank you, Pascua. Luigi, is it not the parent that teaches a meeting of her children's mothers? Maybe.

But, Jimmy, he was born 12 years ago. He has no mother. Rosus, can it be his mother? She's a 12 years too late. Then what do you want from me? When I go to meeting, please take care of my store.

Alright, alright. I send a rosary. Oh no, is it like a bull in China shop? Never mind, I close up place I put out sign to help me yourself. The bypass squad. Hey, hey, hey, wait, the way it's a Luigi.

You're gonna go to a PTA meeting like this? What's the wrong? What's the wrong? Look at the way you look. Look at your suit. You're the only fella in the Chicago who's wearing a greener jacket with a six buttons and a front and a belt in the back.

And look at your pants, where's the creaser? Only bumps. That's from keeping a pants under the mattress. I know how other suits. Then stay home while you must always go places. Maybe you're out of Pasquale.

Maybe I should buy no suits. But I know get the money. Pasquale? No, I only lend the money to son-in-law. That's to the trouble. Whenever you lend the money, it's got a strings attached. Ross is apron strings.

All right, go ahead, go to meet and let the fine American ladies alive for the Louis Jabasco. So even a gym is a shame to you? It's not true. Gym is an oil shame. Then why miss Paul to invite you, not the gym?

Jimmy, forget that's why. Oh sure, well don't abandon me. I'm gonna lend you no money. Only suit I buy you is a wedness suit. What do you say, my son? Go buy a pumper. Excuse me. Is this place you sell suits?

Yes. You have suits here for speech-making? Oh, yes, it did. He just had a shipment returned from the Republican National Committee. Good. Show me suit that's good for speech-making. Oh, you want something entailed? I'm gonna make a speech and not hang it from three.

Yeah. Well, will you give me some idea? Do you like this suit I'm wearing? If I take your suit, then you'll have to go home and underwear. No, what I mean is you like this pattern.

It's a herringbone. Herringbone? That, right. Is the fine country where they make suits from herringbone? Must take a lot of little herring. I've never counted them. Perhaps you'd like a business man too. You mean he lent me his suit?

I like my own plate. Well, sir, for what purpose do you want this suit? I have to make speech at PTA meeting this afternoon. Maybe you like to come. Oh, no, thank you. I couldn't stay in the excitement.

Tell me, is it formal or informal? It's inside in school. No, no, I mean, do you have to dress? I'm only man, there of course I got to dress. This is PTA meeting, not Turkish, but...

Well sir, could you go for this suit? It comes with two pairs of pants. Isn't that good? I know two pairs of pants would make your legs look too lumpy. Then why you try to sell it to me?

Because I'm just a great big sneak. Oh, this is a nice suit here, the sibran one. But why is pants so short? Because it's a boy's scout suit and you get a knife with it.

How many blades? I can't tell you, it's a military secret. Look, please, I like a suit for making speech. You know, for a score and a seven years ago, of course, for Biden, you say so.

Here's just the suit for you. It's our Gettysburg Address model. Is it good enough for Abe Lincoln? Is it good enough for Luigi Pasco? I take it. I take it. For the second act of Louis Gebesco's adventures in Chicago, we turn to page two of his letter to his mother in Italy.

So Mamma Mia, I buy myself a suit for PTA meeting. Now all I have to do is pay 50 cents a week. In one year I own a coat. In one more year I own a pen.

This is striped and the coat is empty in the front but in back it sweeps the floor. Is it called a cutaway? This is what I do when I come home after meeting because it's enough material and back of coat for extra pair of pants.

I also want to bring presents to ladies at the meeting, so I take a new thing called money order that I get from lady customer, and I go to post office to cash it. Excuse me, you're a postmaster?

Yes, I'm in charge of this branch. You're just a man I want to see. I just received this paper from a lady. That's a money order. See? Fellow who worked for you in Grace Suit, he'd tell me if I bring it here you'll give me $10.

Is it this right? Yes, yes. Have you any identification? What do you mean? Well, something to prove you're Luigi Basko. Have you a driver's license? I don't even have a car. Citizenship papers? I know all the answers to questions, but I must wait a couple of years because...

Marriage license? I'm a single. If you know a nicer girl I... Yes, yes, yes. How about a birth certificate? Is home in the family Bible. Could you bring that? Can't afford to take a trip to Italy just enough.

If I get money out of $1000 then I go and I bring, but for $10 it's... Well, you'll have to show me something. What do you think? If nobody looks at it. I show birthmark.

Under the ankle. No, no, no, that won't do. Isn't there some way you can prove that you're Luigi Basko? Mr. Postamass, every morning when I get up I look in the mirror, there I am.

But Mr. Basko, don't you? Mr. Very simple, I prove the whole thing. Are you Luigi Basko? Certainly not. That the man over there on the line, the haloidubasko? Probably not. And the lady over there, she-luigi-basko?

I doubt it. Then there's a left-only haloidubasko? Are you Luigi Basko? No. Then who are you talking to? I don't know. I'm surprised you don't know me, Mr. Postmaster. Why should I know you? Because all the time I'm in this country, this post office handle all the letters I send.

Well, I give up. You're Luigi Baskal. Sure, I told you that first. You save a lot of time by not arguing with me. I'll never do it again. Here's your $10. I'm sorry I ever took a civil service examination.

Don't feel badly. From now on, I buy all the stamps from a this post office. Go by. America, I love you, you like pop up What do you want now, Luigi? More favor?

This time I do your favor. It's about the time. You do me favor? I do you favor. Like Uncle Pietros say, if Wanna Hand Is Dirty, Wash your both hands. Please, don't bring your relations into this conversation.

I'm a busy. But, Squally, how much you charge your first spaghetti? With or without the meatball? Without. Of course, the more without the meatball. 6.55 cent to plate. Not the bad plate. How much you charge by inch?

What, are you crazy? I never sell it by inch. Then maybe you sell it by foot? No, no. Smallest I sell is a yard. How much is a yard? For you, 10 cents. Then how much I get for $10?

I think maybe you get a half a mile. Let me say, is it 10 cents a yard? Is it 10 yards for $1? See? 10 dollars, you get a 100 yards. Okay, give me a 100 yards spaghetti.

What do you mean a give? No money, no spaghetti. Maybe I open a charge, you can't do it with you. You give me $10 a box, a cash money, then you open a charge account.

All right, here is a $10. Hey, where you get this? Post office. So when is the post office a given away money? Is the new thing. Ladies send me a little piece of paper, I take the post office, I get the money.

So now I buy spaghetti. What are you going to do with all this spaghetti? I bring it to PTA meeting. Oh, you're still going to the meeting, eh? Sure, I buy suit, I prepare a speech and now I bring the spaghetti.

That's a final, Louisey, look here. I give you a couple of hundred of cards if my restaurant, you give it to all of the ladies. I'm speaking at a spaghetti salesman. Well, when you speak, you talk about this.

My speech is about education. My spaghetti is a very educational Louis. But I don't know about spaghetti. I don't even know why they call it spaghetti spaghetti. That's a foolish. Is it long like a spaghetti?

Tastes like a spaghetti? That's the way they call it a spaghetti. I don't think I do it in sopasquale. I give you tenor dextre. Just in case it's spaghetti shrieks. Excuse me, is Mr. Baskow in?

What's the matter? Jimmy, you don't recognize me? A car away! Is that you, Mr. Luigi? Sure. Look like a movie star, huh? Where you going? To fit the meeting, Jimmy. No! Yes, and I bring them spaghetti and I make a long speech.

You and Miss Pauling will be so proud of me, you want to know what to do? Oh, am I late. Goodbye, Jimmy. I know what I'm going to do. Join the foreign Legion. in Legion hello miss falling please it's important mama Mia miss falling this is Jimmy O'Connor it's worse than I thought he's all dressed up like a Paul

bearer and he's gonna make us reach as full of statistics and and he's bringing up how to spaghetti miss falling miss falling yeah I think it's wonderful Oh Miss Balding, this is quite an audience. It looks like the final PTA meeting we've ever had.

What was that, Mrs. Pringle? Yes, I said that it looked like the pilot does. Good afternoon, Dr. Cartwright! Well, it's nice seeing you again, Mrs. Pringle. I look forward to hearing you speak. Oh, Dr. Cartwright.

Yes, Mrs. Wilson. There's a man in a cutaway coat outside with a big pot of spaghetti. Well, it must be a waiter who's made a mistake. Certainly no one here is ordered. Hello! You're Dr. Carter at the principal, huh?

I am, but I didn't order any food. I bring it. Is it my present for PTA meeting here? Ouch! Excuse me. I put it on a table. Maybe, maybe you don't know me. I'm Luigi Bosco.

You have a child in this school? Sure, my boy Jimmy O'Connor. He's a pupil here. So that's why you came. Also because of Miss Spalding and Vice-Mitch to make a speech. Miss Spalding did what?

Miss Spalding? Yes, Dr. Carter, I... Did you invite Mr. Bosco? Hello, my teacher Miss Spalding. Hello, Mr. Luigi. Miss Pauling, I prepare a short speech. Well, Mr. Basko, I'm afraid there won't be any time for your speech.

That's all right, I wish. The meeting will come to order. Will the lady please find seat? Mr. Basko, I must ask you to sit down. I promise Basko, I give out his cards. Is his spaghetti?

To Luigi, how could you? Is all the people here living the same neighborhood and maybe they give Basko, a little bessiness? Is something wrong on this board? No, no, everything's just fine. That's the way I feel it though.

I shall turn the chair over to our good friend, your chairman, Mrs. Wilson. If he turn over, chair she'll fall down. Good afternoon ladies. Me too. Yes, of course. Now, before we proceed, is there any old business?

I have old a business and ticks. Our first speaker is Mrs. Nelson Pringle. You will speak on them our school system. Spaghetti is a getting close. We must have order. A great many of you may not like what I have to say, particularly about this school.

As you know, my son is a pupil here and I must say from personal observation, to think that our teachers here must recognize the need for greater discipline. there is roadism and we know there is.

If our children find their excitement in the street, then I think our teachers are at fault. And I suppose- Please, I like to say something. We don't matter the law I had the floor. We must have ordered.

Mr. Basko, please go quietly and quickly. First I speak, then I go. That's the person who brought the spaghetti. Oh! Oh! Yes, ladies, right, I bring spaghetti. is because I think maybe you like. I'm a mistake.

I don't do this again. Excuse me. But it is not important now anyway. It's important what the ladies say about teachers. I'm only in this country a little while. And I don't know about schools like a lady.

Also, only teacher I know is miss Paul Dink. And it's not her fault when a kid fights. Maybe it's the parents of fault. Not teachers want to fight too much. If my Jimmy come home with a black guy, that's my fault.

I don't teach Jimmy right, but I try. I tell him this is a wonderful country, because all kinds of people here, and children of all kinds of people, little children, they don't know what it means to hate.

They learn about this from us, not from a teacher. all little children know is love. So it's up to us all the people to show them. It's like all the same. Apple don't fall far from three. We show them at home. We explain. Then they know.

That's why. If it's bad the children, if not teachers, it's false. Sometimes parents are false. Hello Jimmy. Hello, Miss Luigi. Gee, you didn't stay long. I think maybe too long. Did you make your speech?

No. You're smart boy Jimmy. You know what was going to happen at the PTA meeting, huh? No boss, I... Was it really bad? It was worse than that, Jimmy. I make a bigger fool. Look at the Ouija.

Hello, Miss Spalding. I'm sorry, I... I make you so ashamed. Assume you were wonderful, your speech was inspiring. But I think I look so foolish in this suit. Well, it was a little too formal.

For some proud of you. I'm glad, Jimmy. And you know something? I was the only mother in a cutaway coat. So dear Mamma Mia, I'm an now-member parent, teachers association.

From now on, I got to all of me. Who can tell? Maybe next year, I become a president. Then I be first the president of a woman's club. Also, Mamma Mia, I sell my car away, cut to Pasquale.

He is putting a suit in roses, a hop chest. One more thing. Today, I am sending letters to men with the problem. How long does it take for Tom and Harry to dig a hole if they dig a hole together?

together. I'm ascending this elected to only man who knows the answer. John L. Lewis. Yes, your love and son, and Louise. Be sure to listen next week at the same time over most of these stations. When Luigi Vasco writes another letter to Mama Vasco describing his adventures in America. Life with Luigi is a Sighowered production and is written by High Craft and

and stars J. Carol Nash as the Ouija Vasco, with Alan Reed as the Squally. Music is under the direction of Wilbur Hatch. Ladies and gentlemen, the grand prize for solving the secret sentence on the fast-moving CBS quiz show, Hit the Jackpot, is now worth the staggering sum of $22,000.

Contestants in the studio and at home will have a chance to compete on Hit the Jackpot. Tonight, Bill Cullen will give you more clues to the secret sentence. Hit the Jackpot a little later tonight on most of these same stations.

Bob Lomond speaking for CVS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.