The Phil Harris: Stockholder Phil

The Fitch Company makers of Fitch Jampool presents the Fitch Van Wagon with Elliot Lewis, Walter Tethley, Janine Rose, and Whitfield, Robert North, Walter Charff and his music and starring Alice Bay and Phil Harris! 42 prizes each week for you. Just tell why you like Fitch Jampool.

To introduce Fitch's new cream shampoo, and for those of you who use dandruff remover shampoo, we're sponsoring our second big weekly contest. Prizes include... One new place your man had in four doors to Dan.

One new Kaiser to Dan. Five universal electric ranges. Three a man or home breezes. Two boss electric washing machines. Thirty universal electric blankets. It's easy to enter, easy to win. Get paper and pencil ready.

We'll give contest rules and the address now and repeat them again later in the program. Here's all you do. In 25 additional words or less, complete one of these statements. I like Fitches Cream Shampoo because, or I like Fitches Dandruff Remover Shampoo because, at all.

Attach entry to Cotton Top from Fitches Dandruff Remover Shampoo, or Round Seal Under Jarley The Fitches Cream Shampoo, or Faximlet. Nail with your name and address to Fitch Shampoo, Box 1723 Chicago, Illinois. There's plenty to write about. Fitches Cream Shampoo leaves here far softer, shinier. That's because it's made with both Lanolin and Olive Oil. Lanolin

to soften, olive oil to bring out those sparkling highlights. 42 prizes each week for you. Just tell why you like, fit and boot. Pass Monday a decision was reached at a board of directors meeting at the SW pitch company, which was to have a decided effect on the lives of Phil Harris and Alice Faye. Therefore, let's go back to Monday in that board of directors meeting

in Des Moines, Iowa, where Mr. F. W. Fish is speaking. And so, gentlemen, it has been decided that Phil Harris has been doing a splendid job on our radio show. And as a reward, we're making him a stockholder in our company.

Yes, everyone agreed? Check F.W. I agree, F.W. You have my vote, F.W. What do you say, JR? What's there? What are we talking about? Why don't you pay attention? What are you writing anyway? Well, I can win a guy to trade a car if I've been existent. I like fifth cream shampoo because...

How many times must I tell you? You can't enter our own contest! How do you feel about making Harris a stop holder? Well, frankly, S.W., I'm not making Bill Harris belong to our company. He is not our type of person.

In fact, I don't know why we hired him for our program in the first place. We hired him for three good reasons. He's a comedian, he's a musician, and it was the only way we could get Alice B.

But F.W. Remember that this is a close cooperation, and we saw how this is all gentlemen. Do we want a man as crude as this terrace to be a stockholder and have a voice in our affairs?

It's all relaxed, here. How much damage can we do with one lousy chair? Your language. Perhaps we ought to keep this stock in trust. He might even sell it to an outsider. Why at J.R., you'd be not Woh And now we take you to the harrot home on that same Monday morning.

Alice, Phil and the children are at breakfast and Phil is telling the children the story. And so kids, the little princess found herself in the frozen north surrounded by wolves. What happened, daddy? Did the princess get aided by the wolf?

Phil, there's no such word as edict. Besides, you don't have to worry. The princess wasn't that up by the wolf. Now, let's plot with Ada, huh? Then what happened to the Prince's daddy? Well, when the wolves got close, she jumped on her dog's sled, packed the whip and yelled, holly ho!

The dogs didn't move. They just turned and sneered in her face. Daddy, the word is not. All right, they sneered in her much. Alice, tell the kids to stop correcting me. But, Phil, you were wrong.

I don't care. No, the kids, they shouldn't ought to do it. It ain't nice. All right. Kids, it ain't nice and you shouldn't ought to do it. Hey, I'd like to kill the niece here breakfast.

Is anybody home? Oh, it's my brother. We're in here, William. Hello, Alice. Good morning, Philip. Oh, isn't it a lovely day? Everything is right with the world. Well, little Orson Annie is here again. Sit down and be quiet, William.

I'm telling the kids this story. Oh, my. Alice, why do you allow Philip to tell the children stories? His choice of language is atrocious. He decides he doesn't know how to tell a story correctly.

Why I got the smoothest delivery in show business. Why do you think I got two radio shows? You're wondering Alice Ellis guy why I got two radio shows well, it's obvious William Because he has What what if you told me you had on mr. Benny and mr. Bitt I cut out the kid and I'm on the Benny show because he needs me

He needs you all come now, sir. You're nothing but a lowly dude on that program. Now wait a minute, wait a minute. Don't go calling me those dudes. And especially in front of my children. They think I'm the funniest one on the Benny show, don't you kid?

You shouldn't leave you daddy. That's why you pick up the phone and say, Tell us. Now I don't play that part. Oh, and you must be the man who goes, Not F.E.B.B.O. neither. You'll be better than even your children are confused, you, which proves how precarious your position is in show business. If the public ever becomes

aware of your lack of talent, where will you be? What will you do? You're a little too old to turn to anything else. Well, Insel is not old. He's still young and good luck, old.

Thanks, Sonny, but you don't have to say it just because it's obvious. No, no, I'm serious, but if you were to leave show business, what else would you do? You're certainly not mentally equipped for the business work. Oh wait. I wasn't an entertainer. There are lots of things I could be with my my brains I could be or I could be well and then again

I could be a. That's only three of the things you could be. You'll see that you'd be lost complete. Wait a minute. I'll answer it, Alice. Anything to get away from this pen and pencil set. I think Thomas do. I think I haven't got enough brains to make a lot of money. If that

long shot comes in today I'll show him. I have a telegram from Phil Harris. I'm Harris here kid thanks. Look at me sending me a telegram. Let me see. We are happy to inform you that we are making you a stockholder in the Fitch Company. Oh, me a stockholder in a big company. Wait a minute the stock will be sent within a

Fortnite signed FW fit hey yeah and I'm getting it in a fortnight ain't that to risk wait a minute how long is a fortnight he after two weeks you adult thought it was nine days oh look oh gee this doc really puts me and Allison the money and what I can do with that money oh I'll really

spread it around because I'm a fellow with a heart of gold in the ways of a gentleman I've been told the kind of a guy that wouldn't even harm a flea What if me and the circus character meant that guy's in the vented cigarette?

I'd murder that son of a gun and the first degree. Now, not because I don't smoke myself and I don't reckon they'll harm your health. I've smoked all my life and they did, yes. But nicotine slaves are all the same, and a pet party reposter game, everything but stop while they smoke that cigarette.

Smoke, smoke, smoke that cigarette. Pop, pop, pop, and if you smoke yourself too fast, They'll think he'd risk the golden gate that you hate to make him wait, but you just got to have another cigarette.

Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah. Mwah, mwah, mwah. Now the other night I had a date with the cute little girl in 48th day by bread of Pompan's still in his name. He said she loved being a scene to me that things were a lot like the ought of these.

So hand in hand we'd roll down love his legs. He was so, so far from the cake of eyes and our flutein' party was going nice. So help me and I think I've been there yet.

I've been there yet, but I give her a kiss and a little squeeze. She said, Philip, excuse me, please. But I've just gone to have an all-out cigarette. Another cigarette? Boom, boom, boom, that cigarette.

Pop, pop, pop, and if you book yourself too fast, I'll think Peter's the golden gate that you hate to make him wait. But you just got to have another cigarette. Boom, boom, boom, boom. I'm sorry that I'm keeping you holding that gate open, but I just got to have another drag off of this cigarette.

Thank you, Peter. Mm. Thank you. So what brought that up? What brought it on, Alice, honey? Listen to this telegram. I've been made a big stockholder in the Fitch Company. Oh, that's wonderful. Isn't it, William?

Yeah, it's a bit smart. Just listen to that. You thought I was nothing but a stooge. And now look at me, a large stockholder, an important fine fear of big business mongrel. Yeah, just a moment, Philip.

What makes you think it's a large block of stock? Well, after all I've done to that company, they must have given me at least a controlling interest. I think it's easy, Phil. You don't have to stop here.

Well, I'm getting it in a day or two. They'll be wheeling that stuff in and bale. From now on, honey, we're going to live. Now, look, we're going to sell this plate and get a bigger house, and then we're going to... Well, wait a minute. That must be Frankie. I ask him to stop by and drive me down to the band rehearsal.

I'll let him in. Oh, boy, we like tell Frankie about this stock. Hiya, Frankie. Come on in. Hello, Curly. Oh, come on inside, just a down boy, if I got new for you. You're looking at a big man.

I got a controlling interest in sex. Oh, utterly thrilling. Yeah. What's a fish? It's our sponsor, our sponsor, the people who, look, whose name is on the deck you get every week? The Bank of America.

I'd normally write this to them. Looks like the item made a member of a big firm. They took me into the business, and I'm now a big shot. I'm important. I got a company to run.

Letters to dick take to my private secretary. Well, you've got a secretary. Well, I haven't got one yet, but I'm going to get one, after all. A financial wizard, like me, needs a menial to dispense with the trivialities that are fostered on a man in my position.

Well, love is up! Well, you listen a minute, a man is important as I am now need to secretary. And by the way, you know, any girl who'd like to job? Oh, father me, where do I know from secretary?

Well, I know it's going to be a good job for somebody. I'm pretty well fixed now. I'm gonna be willing to pay about 200 bucks a week and you see I cranky get off of my lap Curly hi of me. I'm great at that secretary stuff. Oh, yeah How's your shorthand? It's growing thing

Start dictate me. I'll tell you how good I am Okay, now the first thing I want you to do is to send a letter to Jack Benny and tell him that I can no longer be just a Soo join his program. Well, wait a minute. Curly outside before I was a musician. I used to work in an office

Yeah, well, you fast on the typewriter I never found out. I sit down to type, but every time I came to the end of a light, a bell would ring and I'd go out to lunch.

I gave twenty pounds. Look, stop. You're hearing bells all at once. Look, sit down and take this letter. Okay, now look. Dear Mr. Bennet, due to an important position that I have just attained in the financial world, I can no longer accept two drugs on your program.

And from now on, I shall have to be one of the luminaries. Got it. You don't think you made it a little too wordy do you? Look, Curly, I know what I'm doing. I know what you want to tell, Betty.

Go away and I'll write to let him write to you. Okay, Frankie, I'll let you write it. But now don't make it too strong because Jack has been good to me and I don't want to hurt that old man.

Now you write it, you write it and watch it and I'll be right back. Okay, sir. Hey, Alice. Hey, Alice, where are you? I'm in here in the kitchen, Phil. Look, honey, you're the wife of a big stockholder now.

And believe me, you won't have to work in the kitchen no more. Because tomorrow I'm going to hire you a whole rotten new observant. That's right, not only that, I'm going to get you a bigger house.

I'm going to buy you that big red place in Beverly Hills. You know that colonial place with the big white doors and brass pillars? You'll let the fire house. Please, Phil, I don't want another house.

That must be the grocery boy. Will you let him in? Yes, I'll let him in. Billy, though, because it's Julius Abruzio, he wouldn't want to see me anyway, the kid's sweet on you, baby. Greetings, Green Grail. I stand here before you with my eyes closed, because I said that if I open them, I might be blinded by a dazzling beauty.

Take a chance and open them, kid. I ain't that beautiful. Hey, oh hello, Julius. It's good to see you again. Greetings, Green Grail. I stand here before you with my eyes closed, because I said that if I opened them, I might be blinded by a dazzling beauty.

You're the sweet of you to say that. Don't let it go to your head, honey. You said the same thing to me. Hey, Carly, I finished typing your letter to Benny. It's all fine, sealed, and ready to go.

You can seal. Don't you think you ought to let me read it first? Of course not. Ha ha! Let her write that dress to you. What's that dress to Jack Flanagan? You want to do something, Carly?

You can take it out and mail it. Hey, if that letter for Mr. Benny, I'll take it. I got to deliver a bag of guns off to the house this afternoon. Oh, thanks, Ted. Here's the letter.

That's all right, Mr. Emily. Well, I got to go now. Farewell, old mate. Farewell. Frankie, he's talking to me. Yeah. You're writing to Jack Benny, at that. Oh, honey, I just made a few demands.

Now that I'm a big man, a few little things I think he ought to do. Hey, forget about it. Look, Frankie, come on. Let's get on to rehearsal. Hey, Alice. When I get downtown, I'm going to buy you a first-year-old.

New cars and jewelry. You're not taking it easy, Phil. You don't have to stop yet. But it's coming, honey. And now, look, I want you to go out and buy some stuff for the new house.

I want you to get Persian rugs, oil paintings, and all we're going to live in class. Oh, naturally. And we mustn't forget to buy some solid gold plates. You're going to use solid gold plates?

Yeah. What do you think? We eat like pigs. Please, can pull you. Oh, stop, worry. Now, come on, Frankie. It's so long, honey. Good-bye, Phil. Bye. Oh, that man of mine. Heaven knows what he'll bring home.

My father was the same way. I remember the time he made a few extra dollars and bought a car for Mom. The person at the house and said, get your veil and get your dusters.

Get the end for God, but when the winds of gutter keep your hovergown, firmly belted down. When you're out in your family's sea mer, In a game we never plucked you Cause we're told we get that open then you'll lock you If you're dreamt and you die Everyone will cry away You're out in your family's team

Errrr Ha ha ha Or it looks like he's back to the side But if you say When you're combusted Then your speed is gonna need a new adjuster And you must be just the one who's trust Oh we won't step inside no need for right that's planning your family Be my family de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de less than you.

The Random Bikers had his say, if you're writing one you'll find that they hope along in an obsolete way We're full of pride Make the child realize who's wild imagination and we wanna rise Followed by the signs of the latest social media With the man and the family's remind me I hope Phil doesn't go hog while downtown and by every

Time being! I got a telegram from Phil Harris. I'll take it. Wow! How you've changed Mr. Harris! Thank you very much, son. I wonder who this is from. Due to a descending vote in the Board of Directors, We have decided not to mail your stock, but to keep it in trust for you.

Find S.W.C. in trust. Oh my goodness, that means so can't cut it. And he's not spending money he wants to get in. Well, I've got to get down to that rehearsal and tell him. So we're late for rehearsal already.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. Now let's see. What have I ordered so far? Have you got it all marked down Frankie? Oh sure. You ordered six assorted fur coats for Alice. Jack. Oh! Jack. Oh!

Eight truck loads of sand for the kid's sand box. Ha ha ha ha. And 12 pairs of yellow shoes for yourself. That's very good. Now look, and another thing, I'm buying Alice a new home.

So remind me to run an ad putting our house up for sale. Hey Curly, ain't you overdoing this? Don't tell me what to do, Jack. You just put it down. Hey look, here's a rehearsal hall.

Now I can't wait to tell them guys what I'm gonna do for them. Will you hear this? I'm gonna give them all a raise because they deserve it. They're a fine bunch of gentlemen, so open that door, Frankie.

Hey Frankie, Frankie, tell the gentlemen to be quiet. Yeah, all right. Quiet, you mug. My pal. Face it up! That's better. The podium is yours, my strong. Thank you. Better! The podium is yours, Mike.

So... Thank you. Gentlemen, as your podium, I got a few words to say. Hey, Artie, will you play attention when I'm talking to you? What are you doing? I'm writing my internet content. All I get to is tell why I like to stand and remember, stamp pull is 25 words.

You don't know 25 words. You get back and say attention. I'm gonna... Still, still I want to talk to you. It's very important. Oh, hello, honey. What are you doing? Yeah, what's up, Alice? Well, you just got another telegram from the fifth company.

They're not sending you the stock. They're holding it in trust for you. Ain't that wonderful? They trust me. So you don't understand, Bill. That means you won't be able to touch the stock. They're holding it for you.

Oh. Oh. You mean I ain't gonna be able to get my hands on the money right away? Oh, but gee, honey, how about all those nice things that I just ordered? Oh, well, you can cancel all that, But I hope you didn't offend Mr. Benny in that letter because you need that job.

No. No. I didn't say anything to offend Jackson. You can ask Frankie. He typed a letter all I said was it. You know that I just wanted to be one of the show's luminaries. Yeah.

That ain't what you said, Curly. How did you mean? I couldn't spell luminaries so I told him your quest. Oh, my quit, Frankie, how could you do such a thing to me? I can't quit Jackson.

So maybe it isn't too late. Maybe Julius has to deliver the letter. Well, we better get over that mark and see if Julius is still there. Now, come on, Ramley, you snuck. Oh, hurry up, Alice.

I'm afraid we're late anyway. I don't see Julius anywhere. Oh, you must have come where? Well, there he is over there. Better let me talk to himself. You only upset him. Oh, yes. Miss Frank!

Oh, thank goodness you're here. I rushed over to see you. At last you're cooking here one. Later later, will you? Let us fly. That's right. Where's that letter, Dabenny? Now, where's the letter? Make your name off of me. The last pencil with us.

Oh, no. No, oh, Alice, I'm a ruin man. Well, let's get home. I got to try and call Jackson in the Gura-c-knock-oh. Oh, Alice, I've got to call Jack, But I'm afraid. Oh, John, you're home yes and time.

What's your name is on the phone? He is? Well, what does he want, fellas? He wants to talk to Nick and Fino. Oh, all right, honey, get him on the phone. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh.

Well, I got one chance. I gotta try and just try and fluff my way out of it. Hiya, Jackson. How's the sweetest little guy in the whole world? Old television prospect. Hiya, Jackson. Oh, you got my letter, huh?

But yeah, I know, but yeah. Yeah, well, I said, was I quit. Yeah, that's what I said. Yeah, I quit, but I didn't mean it, Jackson. Please. Hey, Jackson, can I have my job back?

I didn't mean it, Jack. Of course, Mr. Benny. Yes, master. Thank you, most exalted one. Boy, good race to get out of that one. Well, honey, I had to take a cut to salary, but I got my job back.

Well, thank goodness. But tell me, Phil, what did you keep telling Jack to let us set you quick? I had to. Frankie's typing with the bad he couldn't read a word. 42 prizes each week for you. Just tell why you like fifth jam pool.

Look, this is Phil Harris, folks. Remember, our second contest closed a Saturday night, midnight, October the 18th. So enter tonight. Now, look, here's all you do. In 25, additional words are left. Complete one of these statements.

I like Fitches Cream Shampoo because, or I like Fitches Dandruff Remover Shampoo because, mail entry with your name and address to Fitch Shampoo Box 1723 Chicago. That's Fitch Shampoo Box 1723 Chicago, Illinois. Send any number of entries each on a plain sheet of paper.

Do each attach round steel under charlie to Fitches Cream Shampoo, or cotton top from pictures dandruff remover shampoo or facsimile. This week's prizes include... 1. Fraser Manhattan sedan, 1. Kaiser sedan, 5. Universal Electric Rangers, 3.

A man or home breathers, 2. Valt Electric Warting Machine, 30. Universal Electric Blanket, entries judged on originality, sincerity, and abstinence of thought. Duplicate prizes for ties, judges decision finals. Any person in the United States or Canada may enter, except employees of Fitch, their advertising agency, and family.

Entries received after Saturday midnight, judged in following week's contest. First car winners announced on this program next Sunday. Union next week when the FW Fitch Company again brings you the Fitch bandwagon with Al Fay and Phil Harris.

This program was written by Ray Singer and Dick Chevrolet and directed by Paul Silas. Included in today's cast were Francis X Bushman, Bill Stratton, O'Lill, and Bob Dilleson. Al Fae appears with a courtesy of 20th Century Fox.

Good night, everybody. Look, there's Phil Harris again. Remember, folks, there are three big contests left. Now, you can enter each week for those big weekly prizes. Don't be a Remley. Do it tonight. Ah-ha-ha-ha. Fly, fly, oh, while that is on to your style, you spit.

Don't despair, use your head, say your hair, you spit. Try fishing cream shampoo. Enter second contest before Saturday midnight. Win a Fraser Manhattan or Kaiser, Sudan. We'll fall on speaking.