Phil Harris learns from Jack Benny that his contract is nearing expiration, and Benny has doubts about keeping him on next season. Harris goes to Benny's home to find out where he stands, and the two men haggle over his pay. Benny offers a figure, Harris pushes back, and Harris's band members and family appear along the way. The Phil Harris series aired on NBC, and this episode is dated March 9, 1947, with Phil Harris, Alice Faye, Elliott Lewis and Gale Gordon in the cast.
Characters: Phil Harris, Jack Benny, Alice Faye, Frankie, Curly, Julius, Little Alice
The FW Fitch Company presents the Fitch Van Wagon starring Alice Bey. You'll never know the sound like I love you. You'll never know the sound like I care. And Phil Harris won't come with me to Alabama.
Let's go see my dear old man, if she's frying eggs and prawling at me. And that's what I like about this sound. Let's go back to a few minutes ago. The Jack Benny program is just finished, and we find Phil Harris walking down the hall here at NBC.
Who's ready for Hollywood? Banda, Banda, Banda, Banda, Banda, Hey, how are you? Oh, how are you Frankie? Hey, where you going? Down the hall, Jackson wants to see me. Hey, you go lay lay Ike.
What's the trouble with you kid? What's the matter? What was wrong with you on the show today? Why? Why? Oh, kid, you're murdering that guitar. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Are you sure that that guitar yours was toned?
Who? What's that? Oh Frankie, what's the matter with you? Oh don't pick on me, Curly, I don't feel good. I ain't been able to sleep on wing for the past two weeks. Well then Frankie, you ought to do something about it.
Yeah, maybe I ought to start going to bed nights. Frankie, I don't know why I even put up with you. You're the worst guitar player I've ever heard. You're at home, Deaf, you can't follow the beat, and you always play off key.
Lucky I'm in your band, ain't it? All right, all right, forget about it. Now look, I want you to hold the band a few minutes because when I get through with Jackson I want to run over a number. Okay girl. All right. Well let's see. Here's Jack's dressing room. Look at this notice on the door. Wanda, you stock stay over 1919 Maxwell. Well, he wants to see
me I guess I better go in. Hi you Jackson. You sent for me? Oh hello Phil. Well, where are your manners? Don't you know better than a barge into a dressing room without knocking? Well, I'm sorry.
It might have been in my slip. I don't know. Close the door. William, my head is getting cold. Okay. Look, Jackson, you want to see me, huh? Yes, it don't, Phil. I've been meaning to talk to you for some time.
But you see, Phil, I... Well, what's up? Well, it's about your contract. Contract? Yes. You know, that piece of paper you have that starts out the whom it may concern and ends up with an X. Oh, that. Yeah, you see, this is March and your contract is nearing its expiration. Yeah? When does it expect the rate? Well, do me a favor, will you, for once,
try not to be stupid. Huh? Force yourself. Oh, thanks. The way you talk I'm a moron. No, no, Phil, you're not a moron. You haven't made that yet. I mean, don't get delusions of grand jury. But do you mean I ain't got nothing I'm as healthy as you are? I'm not satisfied on my own show I have to come over here for that. What I have to say is
very important for after we better if we discuss it later. Say it your home. My home? Yeah you have one haven't you? Oh of course not me and Alice's children of nature. We're two carefree nymphs who gamble on the medal with gay abandon.
Phil, remind me not to be invited over here again. Where did you get an expression like that? Well on my show I ain't as stupid as I am on yours. So far you've been holding your own brother.
Listen Phil, I'll see you later at your house. You coming out the house? Okay, so long, Jack. Hey Phil, the band's still waiting. Are we gonna run over that number? Yeah Frankie, wind them up. I'll be right with it.
Okay, Curly. I'll go and do war, lean. On a little street of green. There I heard a crazy sign with where the blues began. There was Memphis Joe with his hidey home on the non his saxophone.
There was SLEP-ON SLIMS, you heard of him and his life and slides from bone. Peg Lake, Pete playing hot and sweet on the bacon potter can. That's a suede. As they played that was where the blues began.
There was dog face jet with his clarinet hisn high notes up and down Smokey moped with his slick black hair beating his drums like a clown And while the bugabugabugabugabugabugabugabugabugab The big brown jug by a hip hat pressed in jeans That was where the blues were born in New Orleans Hegged leg peed and his violin made of vacant pot of tin
Hollers outlet the folks come in Dog-based chat and he's clarinet, the cutest pair I ever met, broke his reader I'd been there yet. Memphis Joe and his saxophone, slip on slim and his from bone, they tuned up and settled down.
Then they all went to town, there was big nose test from the greasy bass weaving in her glass of beer. There was gambler Jake Play and table stakes with a seat-bode engineer. Natchez Lil, she was dressed to kill singing love songs by her man.
As she moaned, people groaned, that was how court songs began. Then a cat named Sam in from Alabama started shooting up the flow. Everybody broke through the pistol, smoked ford, the winders and the doe up, while the row row row row of the 44 busted up the happy scenes.
That was how the blues were born in New Orleans. Ladies, whether you wear your hair up or down long or short, you can win compliments on its loveliness if you use Bitches Dandruff Remover Shampoo.
Or Bitches contains a special reconditioning action that makes your hair soft to touch lovely to look at. Bitches reconditioning action beautifies your hair by its thorough cleansing process. It dissolves and floats away all traces of dirt and dandruff from the hair and scalp.
The antiseptic cleansing leaves your scalp tingling without clean feeling, your hair shining like twinkling stars and easy to manage. Best of all, Fitch's reconditioning action works equally well for all colors and textures of hair, in hard or soft water.
Buy an economical bottle at drug or toilet goods counters, or have professional applications at your beauty or barber shop. Use Fitch's dandruff remover shampoo regularly. See how it adds exciting glamour to your most becoming hairstyle.
Yes, I beg your pardon. Let's say don't you recognize me, you'll just improve the other grocery boy. Oh, of course you'll just come in.
You're all dressed up. You just a nice and that blue suit, you hair all slicked back. You're a shoes all shine. Yes, now smell me. Must I? Go ahead, don't be a kid. I got on some corons for men only.
You have? Yeah. It's called lead bull number five. Julius, you're not delivering groceries on Sunday. Nah, this is purely a social call. Well, that's nice of you. Yeah, ain't it? You know what I did yesterday?
What, Julius? Well, when I heard you was on for fifth chance, I went out and bought all I could. Just to help you with good ones. You did? Yeah. At home in my room I got 48 cases of it.
That's awfully sweet of you, Julie. Yes. The only problem is now I have to sleep on the fire of the station. Oh, that must be fair. You have to? Take me and you, unsullowed. We shall die together.
Oh, Julie, tell me, Julie, you run along now. Go on. Okay, farewell soul, mate. Hey yo, hey Abruzio, come here. Oh, hello, Mr. Harris. Look, what are you doing coming around here on Sunday? Oh.
That's girl. Listen, Bruzy. Baby Alice is only five years old. Now beat it. Oh, time with the Harris. Baby Alice. It's that guy who ever knew what was going on. He'd blow his brains out.
Oh, hello, Phil. I heard you drive in. Hiya, kid. Hey, what's up, Jennifer? Jennifer. Well, Jack Benny called you twice. He said he's coming out here tonight. Yeah, no, I know he told me. He has funny Jack coming here. He hasn't been to our house since the day we got married. That's right. You know, I've always wanted if he
enjoyed himself at our wedding. He acted so strange. He's joined himself. Boy, he must have. He's still wearing the shoes he cut off the back of our car. Any idea what Jack wants? No, I don't know what he wants. He said something. I don't he was talking about something about next year's program next year oh Phil you
don't suppose he's thinking of firing me no Harry's the thought beautiful Jackson couldn't operate without Harris after all who'd wheel him on and on don't be so sure of yourself think it over what do you actually do on that program do you care what do I do what do I do well I come in there every day and I walk in and I, well I, and then, well, I, why you, why
how do you handle all that in a half an hour? Yeah, I guess you're right. They have been spreading me a little thin over there. And come to think of it, Jackson's little sore anyway, you know, he's sore at the band since we did that show from Nashville.
What happened there? wasn't not only each musician showed up at the broadcast with a coondog and a jug. That was awful. Oh, Jackson didn't mind that much, but all through the program the guy's kept spitting watermelon seeds into the tuba.
I suppose Jack is thinking of dropping you. What he's gonna do about it? Well, dropping me, I can't stand for that. I gotta be with him. Hey, look, I got it. Maybe we can play on a sympathy, you know.
Tell him we're broke or something. Oh, Phil, he'll never believe that. He knows I've been making pictures for years. So what? Tell him you blew your wad trying to keep your brother out of tahatapee.
Very funny, but it so happens tahatapee is a woman's presence. Well, that's why it costs so much. But you know, honey, seriously, I'd feel awful funny about not being with old Jackson. He was, I've been with him 11 years now.
I gotta stay with him, honey. I got to, I... Well, even if it means taking less money. Well, don't... I don't feel too badly, still. It's always darkest before dawn. The flowers on low feet and you lived in for his life.
I was in keep on looking. Well, pull her brush, man.
Oh, commend Jack, we've been expecting you. Oh, Alice, I wanted to fool you. He is good to see you again, Jack. How are you? Fine, fine, fine. Fills upstairs, I'll call him. No hurry, Alice.
I have a nice home here. Tell me, how are your children? Little Alice and Michael. No, Jack. Alice and Phyllis. Oh, yes, yeah. Phyllis is the girl. No. No, they're both girls. Oh, of course, it is nice to have one of these.
I mean, these are... I mean, two girls. Two girls. Two girls, I'm asking. What did you just down-back? Thank you. Thank you. My is a lovely fireplace. Aren't you folks a little extravagant? It's extravagant?
Yes, you have two and iron. Well, just make yourself comfortable, Zack. I'll tell you here. Thank you. Hi, Alice, a wonderful girl, for sensible, too. Wonder if Phil would want to sell her. Oh, thank you, Ella.
Get the wildest ideas that I opened that checking account. I hope I don't have any trouble with Phil, though, for next season. If he'll just understand my position, after all, I've got a big cast, Mary's mother.
Hello. Oh, hello. You're little Alice, aren't you? You remember me, Uncle Jackie? Oh yeah, I've got you on the telephone. That's right. I don't believe I know this other little lady. This is my little sister, Silas.
Silas, this is Mr. Denny. Hello, fellas. You're not afraid of Uncle Jackie, are you? Are you really Mr. Denny? That's right. Approval. Yeah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Proval? Yeah, go ahead. Do something strange.
You're a daddy's little girl aren't you? Come on daddy's little girl. He was a little girl are you? Alright, sorry I stopped. Maybe I'll have better luck with the other one. Alice, what do you have there?
Our piggy bank. It's full of quarters. Mortars are well. How did you get it so full? Everyone who comes to see Mom and Daddy gives us work. I want to have the perfect one. Are you going to give us this quarter, Uncle Jackson?
Well, I'd like to. Let me see if I have one in my wallet. Oh, look, feeling. A pocketbook made like a little mattress. No, no, it's not a mattress, buddy. You see, I keep my walked in there in the ticking pool, dude.
Oh, Jackson. Oh, there it is. Let me see here. I think this is a quarter. So how to tell to the green mold. Put it in the bank, Uncle Jackson. Alright, here you are. Well, drop it in.
My fingers must be sticky. I ate a tucky roll on the way over here. There. Hi, you, Jackson. Hey, what are you doing? Robin, my kids. Sure, not, Bill. I just put a quarter in their bank.
Oh, just, and I miss Haley's comment, too. Don't be so smart, Bill. I would have put in a dollar, but I see it won't fit through the slot. Well, I feel bold. I was talking to your father.
All right, kids. All right, kids. Now, take your bank and run along because Uncle Jackie and I got business to talk over to one. Hi, Daddy. Well, Jackson, what do you want to see me about?
Well, it's about the show, Billy. You see, next year is a new season, and after all, moving with me for 11 years now. I love Jack, and I can explain about those coon dogs, and anyway, them watermelon seeds, why they gave the tuber a rippling rhythm effect.
No, no, fellas, just that next year, hold it a minute, Jackson. I got to get the bonus in the bin. Oh, of course. Hello. I have fellas Frankie. Oh, yeah. Hey, I found out why Jackson come out to your house. You're dead. Yeah, he's afraid of losing you.
I overheard him tell us producer he's doing anything to hang on to you for next year. Oh Frankie. Oh, that's great. You know that Alice and I thought I hit him for plenty, Phil. Let him have both barrels. He's a sick and suck.
Look. I cannot believe it. Look. Come on. Oh, geez. This is great news, Frankie. Thanks a lot. And look, I'll let you know how I make up. OK, Carly. It's all about. Bye. All right.
Keep you waiting, Jackson, as you know its business. And, now, yeah, you were saying, you see, my sponsor renewed my program for next year. And I thought, I might be able to squeeze you in somewhere.
I don't know about next year, you know, after all, I got my own show now. Well, I realize that, Filthy, but I might be persuaded to give you a little more money. Yeah, well, that's a nice, nice, nice, nice.
And I like, look, Bill, look. I've been paying you $85 a week, 50. But considering, I mean, after all, you have a wife and some children and prices are a little higher now. Next year, I'm prepared to give you an even 90.
90 bucks. Oh Jack, that ain't no money. Why it costs us that just for food. Food. Don't you grow anything around here? Stop it, will you? And besides it's plenty expensive, bring enough food, kid. You mean your children aren't working yet? Of course they're not working in any way, Jack, and you don't need to be on your program. You got Dennis Day. What
He got to do it. But you know how he imitates everybody? Yes, he's a clever kid. Well, one of your writers told me as soon as Dennis Day gets my boy down pat, you're gonna let me go anyway.
But Bill, that may take him a year, yeah. I do gotta stay around and coach him. He can't do it alone. I'm sorry, Jackson. I'm sorry, but it just ain't worth a while for that kind of dough.
Well, you're out of your mind. Think $90 a week. Jackson, it ain't enough. Well... I might go just a wee bit higher. I mean, what figure did you have in mind? 1,500 bucks. 1,500 bucks?
But Phil, hot shot. Patrillo, boys. 1,500 bucks. That's more than I spend in the year. I'm sorry, that's my figure. You can take it and leave it. Now look Phil, please, please listen Phil. Listen my boy. Listen.
Listen to me. You're hurting me. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Look, I'm willing to be regal. I'm off in your 90 and you want 50, I'll compromise. I'll give you 95 dollars. And your boys can fit in the two ball they wore. I'm sorry Jackson, it ain't no go. I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll hurt myself.
I'll give you a hundred dollars a week. Well, I don't know, a hundred you'll give me, I don't want to put you in no spot because you need me, but so I tell you what I'll do just to help you out I'll take it. Thanks. Elizabeth a deal you have my word You do business men mind if I command or not at all I was come right in
So and I have just come to terms everything is settled and hunky doors Oh, I'm so glad Still said he feel terrible if he wasn't part of your show next year It is why he told me now that he has his own so he'd even take less money I'm not kidding.
Less money? In that case, the tea of the sauce. But Jackson, we've got a lot of hundred. I don't care. You gave me a word. Bill Harris, don't pull that on me. You've been with me long enough and oh, my word doesn't mean a darn thing.
But Jackson, you've got to go ahead. See if I care. Star, next year. Star, oh, come now, butter. This wife of mine has money, absurd way, and even cow weight. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Wait a minute. Jackson, it's so hard to build doing fine on his own. I'm fine on these old ladies. But wait a minute. The five sentence day promise me to just wait a minute. Not only that, Drew, has this present yellow suit.
The darned cook and I just made five new records. Wait a minute! All right, I'll do it. You're not worth it, but next year I'll pay you $100 a week. Well, that's more like a thanks.
He was. I'm glad there's no hard feeling. I'll have to be going. Okay, I'll walk you to the door. All right, I'll let myself out. I'll let myself out. I'll let myself out. I'll let myself out.
By the way, Phil. Yes. The first week your check will be 99.75. What's that for? Yeah, I put a quarter in your kid's bank. Allison Phil will be back in just a moment. Actions speak louder than words.
And so do the results of Fitch's Dandruff Remover shampoo. For Fitch, remove Dandruff completely the first time you use it. Fitch is the only shampoo made who's guaranteed to remove Dandruff with the first application It's backed by one of the world's largest insurance firms.
And it's so easy to use. There are just three easy sets. First, do not wet the hair with water. Just apply a pitch directly to the dry scalp and massage bristles. This antiseptic shampoo penetrates the thousands of tiny hair openings on the scalp, dissolving all traces of dentures.
Second, add water gradually, continue to massage. You'll be delighted with the rich, abundant ladder that forms to carry away the dissolved denser. Third, rinse thoroughly. Since bitch is completely soluble, only an ordinary water rinse is needed.
Just one, two, three steps, and your hair is sparkling, clean, free of offensive damage. Use bitch's Zandra from Overcamp who regularly. The results will tell you why it's a favorite of millions. Bitch's F-I-T-C-H. G-Fill it was nice of death, been able to drop over here today.
Yeah, but I think all that talk about money got him a little rattled. Rattles? Why? Well, he just walked out smoking a bottle of bitch shampoo. Tune in next week when the F.W. Fitzgerald Fitch Company again brings you the bitch bandwagon with Alice Faye and Phil Harris.
This program was written by Joe Connolly and Bob Mojo, directed by Paul Phillips, with original music composed and conducted by Walter Sharp, included in the cast for Janine Ruth, Anne Whitfield, Water Tettley, and Elliot Lewis.
Alice Bay appears with the courtesy of 20th Century Plus. Jacknanny appeared to the courtesy of Lucky Strike's cigarette. It surrounds the firm so fully packed. So free at easy I have a while and a far in the side.
Stupid Potato
Join Potato Plus