The Mel Blanc Show: Efficiency Expert

From Hollywood, Colgate Tooth Powder for a breath that's sweet and teeth that's sparkle presents the Mel Blank Show! Colgate Tooth Powder for a breath that's sweet and teeth that sparkle brings you the Mel Blank Show with Mary Jane Croft, girl Ross, be Benadara, Joe Kern, Leora Thatcher, Zucky and Victor Miller and his orchestra.

Ladies and gentlemen, you've heard Mel Blank as the Happy Postman! Postman. Hello Missy Burns. He's your male. Oh, good-bye Missy Burns. Remember, keep smiling. You heard him as the famous train caller. Hey, lady, not train five.

For an arm. A dum-sah and cuck-dum-nah. You heard him as the lovable character's hooky. Well, he and the fixer chop. I'm the president of the year. I'm the vice president of the year. I'm the vice president of the year.

I'm the vice president of the year. I'm the treasure year to the year. I sweep off the place. Your bedroom is a famous Warner Brothers cartoon character, Bugs Bunny. Eee. My champion. Now here, and there's the star in his own show.

Hello, Melblanc's Fix-It-Shop. You bend it, we mend it. Shop, where you're pretty sure to find things in an awful fix. Well, it seems that Mel's fiancé, Betty, has been dropping none to several hints about the need for efficiency in the Fix-It-Shop.

fix it shop. I wouldn't say that Uncle Rupert and Zookie are exactly moochers, but well they're more than just a little worried. Zookie, we have to show that we're efficient around here or else. So you'd better try working faster.

Oh I'm a... I'm a... He has, he is, he is, he is. Quick, all right. See, I'm like a bully, little, little, little. I'm a regular dynamite. Dynamite, dynamite. I think I blew a fuse.

OK, here comes Mel. Quick, get busy. Hey, OK. Hello, Mel. What kept you so long? Oh, that Adam's job was bigger than I expected. Her toaster wasn't the only thing Mrs. Adams broke. She broke her lawn mower.

And she broke her electric iron. I hope you presented the lady with a substantial bill. I couldn't. Mrs. Adams was broke too. Oh, I see. Uncle Rupert Betty's right. As a businessman, I'm a washout.

We need a little efficiency around here. Just look at this place. It's a shambles. Oh, I don't know. It just has a sort of a lived-in feeling. Yeah, lived-in. I'm serious. Just look at that cigar butt on the floor.

Is that your uncle? No, my lad. You saw it first. Stop kidding. You are in a sour mood, nephew. Look, why don't you get yourself a ticket for the barely-review you with the giddy tomorrow night.

It'll cheer you up. Now, Uncle, have you seen the pictures of Phoebe Divine the Star? Why, that gorgeous little lady has everything. Then she carries it so well. Uncle Rupert, you know I wouldn't waste a breath on any other girl, but Betty.

Why, Betty's the most vulnerable girl. Hello there, Sugar Boy. I'm Phoebe Divine. Oh, boy. I thought you weren't going to waste a breath. On her, it wasn't wasted. Gosh, I feel better already. You've got a sign outside that says you can fix anything under the sun.

I specialize in little jobs under the moon. Look, Pop, get back to your funny papers. I'll talk to your straight man here. Well, what can I do for you, Miss? Well, I'm the star of the Pinup Girl Review, opening at the Gayety Theater tomorrow night.

You've been at the Gayety, haven't you, Sugar Boy? Oh, sure. I go there practically every night. Why, Melvin. Well, it's the only place in town you can get Hershey bars. Oh, you're cute. Look, sugar boy, you see this little gadget?

I want you to fix it for me. Sure, it's just a little zipper. Oh, it's not just a little zipper. There's only one like it. It was made especially for me and my harem dance.

Hairrem dance? Mm-hmm. That's the one Anna didn't do for the king of science. Why not? Did he have a weak heart? You see, in my dance, the miracle dipper dropped off one day when I go like this.

Another one when I go like this. And another one when I go like this. Look, Uncle, no hands. Well, make sure you have my miracle dipper ready by tomorrow. Goodbye, sugar boy. Well, Mr. Vine, it just happens. I'm going your way.

Which way are you going? Gee. Hello, sugar boy. Hello. Oh, oh, hello, Betty. Well, you see, there was something wrong with her zipper, so naturally she thought of me. I didn't see you come in.

Obviously. That was Fifi Divine, the glamorous dancer at the Gady. Glamorous? I guess as you wear clothes very well. Wearing clothes isn't her specialty. Never mind. I have something more important to talk to you about Mel.

I know Betty, a fish and suit. I finally found a man who will tell you how to run your business, what to buy, what to sell, and how much to charge. Gee, he must be from Washington.

Well, he's an efficiency expert, just came to town, Herbert Goodcute. Now, are you or are you not going to let me get a hold of him for you? Well, okay, honey. When will you get in touch with him?

The day before yesterday. Oh, the day before? Huh? Yes, I wanted to make sure you wouldn't change your mind. Mr. Blank, I'm Herbert Goodhue, the efficiency expert. How do you feel? Well, I had a little cold...

Who cares? Huh? That's your first lesson in efficiency, Blank. I've just known you a few minutes. How can I possibly care how you feel? But you ask me... Always get to the point. That's the good use. Speedy, deedy way.

Speedy, deedy. Now, listen, Mr. Blank. I'll give you an example of what real efficiency can do for people. For instance, when Mrs. Goode you and I converse, we use my famous peachy speechy system. Peachy speechy? Not a word wasted. For instance, if I want to compliment Mrs. Goode who wanted delicious dinner, I do not say darling, the flounder was so delicious

it simply melted in my mouth. You don't. No, indeedy. That wouldn't be speedy, dee dee. I leave out all the unimportant words and say, darling flounder, mouth. Well, I guess you can't get away with that as long as you say darling.

What's that you're fooling with? Oh, I have to see about Miss Fifi Zipper. Uh, well, what you do outside of business hours is no concern of the Good You Efficiency Program. Mr. Good You, I don't think you understand.

I see I'll have to change your whole business approach. First of all, how do you say no to your customers? I just open my mouth and it rolls out. Oh, what do you say no?

You've got to make people realize you mean it. I have proved that dogs and guinea pigs that when you shake your finger in their faces and say no Spelling it out and oh they react fastness Well, what about the dogs and guinea pigs that can't spell?

Number two another featured by speedy DD plan. Yeah, look at this mad jumble here in your shop When I'm through every time you turn around you'll fall over just what you're looking for it never fails Do you sell accident insurance to and number three? That's the hotty-departi wave saying goodbye gosh?

I better write all these things down. It's a goodbye with just a touch of hello in it. Like this. Goodbye! Gosh, that may sound like you're glad to see them go. Ah, you're a lucky man, Mr. Blank.

When I'm through in your fixit shop today, you'll be master's PDD, PG's, PG and Harvey depart. Okey-dokey. I mean, okay. I'll do it for Betty. Ah, that's the old speedy D.D. I'll do it even if it drives me slappy-happy.

You want me to fix this vase, Mrs. Otis? Yes, if you please, Melvin. Oh, you should see my little grandchild, poor little fellow he's tweeting. My daughter just has to keep birthing him all the time.

Who cares? What was that? Speedy-dee-dee-dee-dee. Male Blake, you're much too old for baby, talk. About your face the answer is no no in oh no I don't understand you funny dogs and guinea pigs understand Take your finger off of my face. I think you've gone mad. Give me back my face Okay, where it goes?

See another feature of the speedy-dady plan. You can't turn around without falling over just what you're looking for it never fails I'm getting out of here, but you're going to pay for that fall. Oh, Mrs. Otis. I almost forgot hardy the party Good bye!

Gosh Uncle Rupert, Mr. Good Hughes efficiency plan is ruling me. I lost three good customers already today. Or don't forget Mrs. Longnecker, my beloved Clara, the richest woman in town. Did she walk out too?

Not before she slapped my face. But why? I decided to try Mr. Good Hughes' peachy-speachy system to propose that. You know, leave out all the unimportant words. Well, I was I eloquent. I suggested I come and live with her and her mansion.

Spend all our days together. Perhaps have a few little ones. Well, those are certainly honorable intentions. I meant them to be. But one of the unimportant little words I left out of my proposal was...

marriage. What's gonna happen next? Well, I fixed Miss Fifi's zipper, but I can't find it anywhere. What? All this darn efficiency stuff. Oh, I'll ruin her career. She'll drag me into court. She'll sue me for every dollar I've got.

I just hope Mr. Goodyear was satisfied. Now now Melvin, he in a speedy, dee dee dee peachy, speechy, hardy the party. He just left out the most important thing, that's all. What's that, nephew? Harry Carrey.

Use it each morning, and use it each night. Take a chance with your romance. Use Colgate.

How often it happens? You meet a man, and you think he's a nice fellow, but, but what? Well, you hate to say it, but it's that little breath of trouble. I mean, unpleasing breath. And the chances are, this chap doesn't dream that a breath of trouble is tagging you.

Making him unpopular, hindering him in business, sprawling his fun. Without suspecting it, you may be the victim of unpleasing breath. So be on your guard against it. Just do this. Brush your teeth night and morning and before every date with Colgate Tooth Powder.

For Colgate Tooth Powder, clean your breath as it cleans your teeth. Yes, scientific tests have definitely proved that in seven cases out of ten, Colgate tooth powder instantly stops and pleasing breath that originates in the mouth. What's more, no dentifers at any price cleanse your teeth more quickly and thoroughly than Colgate tooth

powder. Remember to buy a first thing and remember the name Colgate tooth powder with the accent on powder. Don't take a chance with your romance. Use Colgate tooth powder. Well let's drop back again at Mel Blanc's Fix It Shop, where the new efficiency plan of speedy, deedy, peachy, speechy, and hardly departing has the morale very low in deedy

weedy. So if Pee-tea-soo's melon, he loses the shop, we'll be out on the street. Frankly, I'm worried. Oh, yes, it is. So am I. I'm going to be beside myself with it. If I'm beside myself with...

I'm beside myself with... Hey, it's getting crowded in here. There's only one chance. Mel is out somewhere trying to find something like that zipper right now. Gosh, I shall hope he finds it. Good Lord, here comes Phoebe now. You talk to us, okay?

They meet me. But don't tell her Mel lost that zipper. Don't let her pry it out of you. I am leaving for the back door. Lydia, don't worry. I'll take care of her. I know what it's to do, yeah, tell her. I know what to do.

Yeah, just what I'm gonna say. Hello, sugar boy. I'll say you- Timm sieeeeee Timm sieeeeee Timm sieeeeee Timm sieeeeee Timm sieeeeee My your cute Who are you? Timm siee I'm as w-the answer as as a w-is okay I work for now Where is your boss I came to pick up my zippers Well uh meeting mail just stepped off

for a m-me, uh for a m-me Eee, he'll be back in a couple of well uh Why not? Eee Eee I think he got lost. We don't need him, Zippy. B.P. just wants her different.

Now, tell me where Mel left it. Come on, Sugar Boy. Is it the best thing? So is anything. And me and Mel. Oh, you can tell me anything. We're here all alone, aren't we? Uh, yeah, just do it.

Mm-hmm. That's the end. That's in, like a nice and cozy. Yeah, but then, but I can always call for help. We're all alone, and after all you're a man, and I'm a woman. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, let's leave it that way.

I'm tired of this. You tell that pin-headed boss of yours, if I don't have that zipper for my show tonight, I'll sue him for every dollar he's got. Yeah, but then, but then, but then, but then.

Don't you butt me! Do you know what that zipper's supposed to do for me tonight? Oh sure. Keep your shirt on. Darling, I'm so sorry. This whole efficiency business is my fault, but I was just thinking of you.

Oh, it's not you, Betty. It's just that I'm not good enough for you. Now don't you dare talk like that. Well, I know a couple of people who can't see why you want to marry me. Your mother, your father.

Darling? Your grandmother Uncle Lamest cousin Oliver Then there's a couple of others mr. Thayer the banker mr. Cooney the traffic cop mr. Albernathy the taxidermist My old Scott master my land lady the 4-H club the American Legion the Shriners I love you too Betty I'll get out of this somehow. I'll just keep a stiff lower lip

Now the expression is a ruinable. Well can I help it if it's my lower lip? That's trembling You'll be here any mister, I don't know what else I can do I just can't find her zipper well No, you don't worry if worse comes to worst. I'll go out and get a job Gosh, I hate to see you spoiler record

oh My gosh here comes dr. Crabt the veterinarian he would come at a time like this never mind the lad I'll take care of that canine killed air. Well, thanks uncle. I'll go and take one last desperate look around.

Well, hello Christopher. How's the dog doctor this morning? Consulting veterinarian if you don't mind. What's the matter with you? Nothing, no matter with me. I got a catch in my throat. Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr But I have a pan of water for you.

Mr. Farr! Do you realize you're even getting a sound like a dog? Oh, I thank you, Rupert. Dog is man's best friend. Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr In fact, I understand them. You understand what dogs say? Well, I certainly...

I have a little peek in these... when it looks up at me with this big watery eyes and says, You know what that means. He's hungry. Oh, somebody must have told you. But dogs are wonderful.

Oh, when my little cocker spaniel goes over to meet my great dane, he says, and then the great dane says, and then that little cocker. Big dane says, and what does that mean? I don't know, but they sure understand each other.

Oh, please go away. Yeah, I must be going now. But remember, elephants need your sympathy, especially adults. They blow their nose and wait so long until they get results. Well, goodbye. I know, Mr. Viva.

I should be over the theatre right now, but I can't go on. What am I going to dance in, my girdle? Mmm, that ought to be snappy. Hey, that's what I'll do. I got it. I got it.

What are you doing? No, don't push out those things off the count. Have you gone crazy, man? Now you stay out of this, Mr. Good You. Uncle Rupert, throw those nuts in bolts where they belong.

Yeah, that's right. Right there in the sink. And all this goes back where it was too. That doesn't. Now, what have you done?

The picture of the shambles, everything just the way it was yesterday morning. The same mess. The same mess. Are you sure Mr. Goode? You? I should know. I should know. Oh, that's great. That's wonderful.

Where are you going? To get Miss Beepie Ziffer. Now that everything's in order again, I know just where it is. Here, you see, it was inside. Listen to Browski Ziffer. You know, Ziffer Ziffer and Ziffer Ziffer.

Oh, let me have that, Ziffer. I've got to run to the theater and to show you there's no hard feelings. I'll bring my car around for you to think. What's wrong with your car? You know me, sugar boy.

I stripped the gears. So long. Something else I can do if you're Mr. Blank. Mr. Goode, the answer is no. No. Oh, that spells no. Goodbye, Mr. Goode. You know, hardy to party. Goodbye! That's a minute for a Zucchia.

What? You never heard of a Zucchia-ism? Well, hang around! Use cold gate tooth powder, keep smiling just right! Use it each morning, and use it each night! Don't take a chance with your romance!

Use cold gate tooth powder! Look, let's face the facts. A little breath of trouble. I mean, unpleasing breath is no respecter of persons. Girl or woman, man or boy, teamster or tycoon, debut daughter, duchess, all are possible victims of unpleasing breath.

By even you, though you don't suspect it, may risk your happiness, ruin your romance, even jeopardize your job because of unpleasing breath. So isn't it best to be on your guard to watch out for that little breath of trouble?

My advice is do this, brush your teeth night and morning and before every date with Colgate Tooth Powder or Colgate Tooth Powder cleans your breath as it cleans your teeth. Yes, scientific tests have definitely proved that in seven cases out of ten, Colgate tooth powder instantly stops, unpleasing breath that originates in the mouth.

What's more, no dentifers at any price clean your teeth more quickly and thoroughly than Colgate tooth powder. Remember to buy it first thing. Remember the name Colgate tooth powder with the accent on powder. Don't take a chance with your romance.

Use Colgate tooth powder. Well, Zuki, we've had a lot of excitement, but I hope you learned something about efficiency. Yes, Zuki, to be efficient, you should score yourself on things like ingenuity, perseverance, industry. How would you score yourself?

Well, on the engine and the engine and the engine and the engine and the engine and the engine. I score for fire. Yeah. On perseverance, I score for a... A... A... on industry, I score for...

I don't know what the score is. what the score is. This is Bob Houston, providing you the Colgate 2 powder for a breath of sweet and teat of sparkle rings with a mal-blank show every Tuesday at the same time. Be sure to join us again next Tuesday night for more fun with Mel and the people you'll meet in Mel-blank's fix-it-job.

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I think that's it.