Yours Truly, Johnny Dollar: Out of the Fire into the Frying Pan (The Prize Hog Bodyguard)

Mrs. Perkins won the prize, but I got in the biggest pickle at the County Fair. This is another in the adventures of America's fabulous freelance insurance investigator, Johnny Dollar. At insurance investigation, Johnny Dollar is only an expert.

At making out his expense account, he is an absolute genius. Expanse accounts submitted by special investigator Johnny Dollar. Two, home office, Corinthian liability and bonding company, terminal building, Hartford, Connecticut. The following is an accounting of my expenditures during my assignment as bodyguard to Grand Blue Ribbon Champion, spotted Poland-China hog, Rosie Baron of Iowa.

Or how you cast my pearls of wisdom before swine. or out of the fire into the frying pan. Spence account item one, $76.80, train and bus fare Hartford to the town of Carver, county seat of Carver County, Iowa.

Spence account item two, 250, one Coke, three handkerchiefs, a bottle of stall, tablets, and sunglasses, with which to combat the corn bell heat. Item three, six bits, jittney ride to the Carver County Fairgrounds. Undoubtedly named that because the band I found in the midst of playing its afternoon concert was only fair.

Hey, uh, uh, friend. How's that? I'm looking for a pig named Rosie Barron of Iowa. Tell me where I'll find his cage. Hey, they don't keep her alone, okay? Rollo? Rosie. Well, that's short for Rosie Barron of Iowa.

Oh, yeah, yeah, any fool would know that. Uh-huh. Can you tell me where he is? See that building over there, the livestock building? Yeah. You'll find Rala in the swine wing. Swine wing? Well, that conjures up a dainty picture of flying pig.

Ah, fried Rala won't ever do much flying, weighs 980. Oh, well, thanks a lot. Ah, no neighbor. Yeah? Why don't you try slipping out of that there coat? You won't find it near or sweaty.

Oh, yeah. Thanks. Hire them. No, he didn't even wait to be my best friend. Hey! Wait! Wait! I'll come! It was 96 in the shade, but things were getting hotter. Not some screams from the livestock building, but the only things that could bring me on.

First I ran into a stranger just outside the entrance. Get out of the way! Let me out of here! There's a little bit there! Then I ran into the door. Somebody do something! Don't! Hey, uh, Ira, Ira, Ira, Ira, Ira.

What have I given you? See? I didn't even hear? That's our woman's Mrs. Stewart! Somebody must have stole her diamond group! I'm in a group. Oh good. I was afraid somebody might have put the snatch on a roll. Her husband owns Ronald. They must have been taking her pictures of Mrs.

Tiller in the middle of a crowd. And when they had her smile on real pretty then Flashbob went off and then somebody must have retranced behind her. Yanked the brooch and started shooting the gun in there. That's a tried and true method of busting up a crowd to help make a guy away. Think anybody saw who did it?

Uh-uh, couldn't. Those flashes would have had him blind his vats for a minute. Oh, uh-oh. Uh-oh. There's a sheriff. What's his name? Uh-oh, I don't know. Hey, that's a... Harry Bloor. Harry Bloor. Yeah. Sounds like a slogan from the Republican campaign.

Hey, here, here, you... Oh, wait a minute. Look out, when everybody is trying to get my coat off, come on, sheriff. Loose the habit of... All right now, never mind the fancy talk in fella.

I saw something pass between you and one of the thieves just outside the door. Oh, you're out of your mind. That guy bumped into me. He came crashing out of here and I happened to be in the way.

I'll bet you happened to be in the way. Accidentally on purpose. Now, that's an early American comeback. Well, that's the way it was. Now, look, I want to ask you for a search warrant, Sheriff.

You think I got the brooch on me? Start looking. All right, I will. All right. Now, in that pocket, cigarettes and a lighter. I see them. You see? Yeah. And in that pocket, hangatives and salt tablets. Salt test. Now, why don't you look in my inside coat pocket and there you'll find my wallet, my identification. I was coming to that.

Well, dollar. Insurance investigator Hartford Knack. Well, what brought you out here? I'm a piggy sitter for the Corinthian Liability and Bonding Company. They wrote a policy for for twenty five thousand dollars on your friend ralo rosy baron of aye who ever heard it taken out of twenty five thousand dollar insurance policy on a halt i did

right now i wish i hadn't some people play high-premises for publicity sheriff and that's what the blue ribbon prime packing company is doing in this case may i have my wallet back i want to count my money yet now here here's your wallet You may think you're quite the joker, you unfollow, but I'm telling you right now I'm gonna keep an eye on you.

I got a better idea than that, Harry. If I were you, I'd go looking for that photographer. What? What'd he do? He took the picture. And there's just a chance the thief may be in it.

Say, that gives me an idea. Sheriff, whoever says you aren't smart, makes no mistake. Rallo, the prize porter, wasn't hard to find. First I followed a few signs. Then it was a matter of closing in on a contented series of juicy, slurping grunts.

It came blurping up out of a second at mound of Louisiana yams. Rola was all fat in the yard wide. This table manners weren't much. He didn't look very smart, but he sure looked healthy.

Nine hundred and eighty pounds. I don't know a fine figure of a pig. Pardon me, Miss. Could you tell me who's in charge around here? Well, just for the moment I am. I'm trying to find a Mr. Worthington Tiller.

You know, I take it owns this monster. Monster? What? What? What's the matter? Can I say something wrong? You certainly have. And you've also said it to the wrong person. In case you don't know it, my name is Alva Anderson.

Oh, my name is Johnny Dollar. How do you do? What's all this got to do with Rollo? Nothing. I just raised Rosie Baron of Iowa from a Suckman. That's all. Kind of got away from you, didn't it?

I'm sorry, Miss Anderson. I apologize. And to you too, Rollo. Oh, no, sorry about the interruption, Sanderson. Some fool made off with my wife's diamond brooch. Oh, how's this excitement affecting Rollo? I hope he hasn't lost any weight.

Well, he took it very well, Mr. Taylor. Oh, good, good. Mr. Gentlemen, what's the thing about Mr. Dollar? Oh, oh, yes. Oh, from the insurance company. Good, well, I'm glad you're here. We'll have your picture taken right away with my wife and Rollo.

Oh, it'll make grand publicity for Blue Ribbon Prime Packers. I don't mind having my picture taken. And just as long as your wife doesn't mind having people pinch your diamond broochers. Oh, well then, don't worry about that. It was fully insured.

Oh, that kind. The thing I want you to worry about is Rallo here. As president of Blue Ribbon, I paid Miss Anderson $10,000 for this magnificent swine. And I don't want anything to happen to it.

You bought him for $10,000, insured him for $25,000, and you don't want anything to happen to him? If will. I don't mind paying those exorbitant premiums when I get back the kind of publicity this will bring in.

I can see it in the papers now. America's fabulous insurance investigator, Johnny Dollar, sent from Hartford, Connecticut to guard the life of that fabulous prize swine, Rosie Baron of Iowa. Well, was it Taylor? I don't mind getting my name in the paper.

Hey pig, just so long as there's not in the obituary column. I just couldn't stand having my tombstone read. Johnny Dollar no longer am, he gave up his life for a great big hand. My tombstone tagline was over the head of Mr. Tiller, but it went over right nicely with Al Van Dyson who paid off on the smile.

I parlayed that into a conversation, helped me pass the time while guarding Robbo, the poor man's blue boys. By the time it was over, Alvin knew a lot about me and I knew a lot about pigs.

You're beautiful, I salver. Mr. Dollar, do you know it's really interesting about the origin of swine? Well, it's estimated that the Chinese people demesticated swine about 2,900 BC. And not only that, but I'm sure you'd like heartburn.

Mr. Dollar, you probably don't know this, but a pig is one of the most important food animals. If an economical converter of grain and other seeds into body tissue, a product of which burnings meek and fat for human consumption.

Alva darling, I'll only be in sound for a little while. Not only that, but people who say that pigs are dirty don't know what they're talking about. Why sanitation is essential to good health, rapid growth in development and profitable production.

Oh, Ralo, one of you got that I haven't got. I don't know whether Alva stuck around because of my charms or Ralo's. But she was still there at the changing of the guard. God, my Mr. Tiller, in person, came to relieve me long enough for a trip to the dining hall.

And what do you think they had for dinner? What else? Baked ham. Oh, dinner was wonderful, Johnny. Coming from you after eating baked ham, that sounds practically cannibalistic. Oh, Johnny, stop. More coffee? No, I've had it.

Alba, you know, there's something I've been trying to say to you for the past five hours. Yes, Johnny? Well, it's just that I want... Oh, yeah, it's just... Oh, he's a sheriff. Oh, what does the blow is, fire up?

Well, I have to be going. It's time to get Rallo ready for the winter trade pass for the grandstand. I'll just run along. I'll just go with you. What dollar? I want to talk to you.

Well, I'll see you later, daddy. Yeah. Well, Sheriff, hey, you being a sort of investigator dollar, I knew you'd be interested in my methods. You're sure interfering with mine. Hmm? Yeah. Oh. Well, do you know what I did?

What? I found that photograph. Had that picture developed and rushed it up to the state's capital. And they just called me. Dollar, there's a known criminal in that photo. He's got that brooch and he's almost.

Do you know what that means? Yeah. It means that you shouldn't be sitting here talking to me. Oh, is this villain? They say he's... Ooh, over here. They say he's known as Little Rock. Originally, he'll from Arkansas.

You've known if you saw him, he's the fella that bumped into you. I want you to help me look for him. I'd say he's only one job at times, Chef. Right now I gotta pick them on. I think it was a grand march.

Boy, in case I'm interested later, how much do you pay your special devotees a day? Seven dollars. And expenses. Sheriff Bloohous, I'm afraid that blows him. The Carver County Pickle and Pie winners were lining up to lead the Grand Mart.

By the time I got to the Grandstand, down to Taggen, to the livestock Echelon, there was a shiny white cab and trailer, sporting the markings and models of the Blue Ribbon Brine Tacking Company. An eye upon it perched on a platform and surrounded by a sturdy iron railing stood that champion, the pride of the porch said,

Rolow, Rosie Baron of Iowa. It was lovely, it was divine. I had a feeling it swelled my heart with pride. Here they were, products of the American home and the American soil. A fanfare of foodstuffs flowing from the horn of plenty.

Just because of my association with Rolo, I felt that I was playing some small part in his gallant parade as it was started the first leg of its journey. It was inspiring. It was thrilling.

It was... blowing? All of a sudden it was downright frightening. As Rolo's chariot rolled by, I got an eye full of its driver. It was my Tom Wright in collision. The guy who had put the snatch on Mrs. Tiller's diamonds, Little Rocky from Arkansas.

I added to my treasury a bankless task by trying to pin a tackle on a five-turn truck. A good door handle, one hand. Let me blow over one foot. And a couple of teeth from an unexpected adversary.

Knock him loose, mellow, he's on the running bar. Hey, what the... I was splattered by bank. Everybody was screaming at honoring the truck for the pressure for the press. And a roll-out, I was a very violent with one little piggy who wasn't staying at home.

In just a moment the second act of Johnny Dollar, but first taking in the action from Johnny Dollar are you? Alright, that's good because staying with CDS is the way you'll head straight for the big return from vacation eight days from now, Monday the 29th of Lux Radio Theatre and all the other big Monday night CDS favorites.

And by staying with CDS you'll find more action later tonight with Bill Grant of Call of Police and with Sam Spade, who'll be heard from on most of these same CDS stations. Now with our star Charles Russell we return to the second act of yours truly Johnny dollar Johnny Johnny Johnny you're all right. Well the spirit willing I'm not sure about my

spine. I'm the guy who goes around telling kitty's never to hitch rides on trucks. Well nobody can say I didn't make a dent now. I was wonderful the way you tried but what are you gonna do now. Right now I don't know any place I can think of at the moment I might find a hot pig a barbecue stand there's no time to

be funny look up until now all the lacer on me kids let me be the judge huh well what are you gonna do well first I'm gonna practice my arithmetic and see what adds up you can't I load a stolen pig in a pawn shop so question number one is where do you want to go where would you go well where would I never thought

of it well here's what I figured the rollo on the hook it's too well known to pedal for anything like the dough is really worth. I mean he's not like a big diamond that you can cut up and live for easy. What is it going price on pork?

So, Marcus, this morning was 2350. That kind of money hardly sounds like Little Rock is kind of project. But maybe things are tough. Finally, Alba. Have you ever been in Arkansas by any chance? Why do you ask?

Just wondered. No, no, no. Just a minute. I want to talk to you. Lony I bled down himself. Yes, Sheriff. If you mind, Alvin. I was just leaving. How could she be that cold on such a hot night?

Huh? What's bothering you, Sheriff? Yeah. I saw your little performance, darling, when you leapt at that truck. Just how hard were you really trying? How hard was I? Why, what, I'm not going to punch you in the nose badge?

I know badge. No, no, no. Don't you go getting happy. I just want you to know that I don't fool easy. When I'm on a case, I'm suspicious of everybody. Ah, that must be rough on your wife.

How often do you have her in handcuffs? Huh? Well, Sheriff, all I need from you is the use of a car, so I can go looking for a lot, Ed. Oh, no, you don't. There's enough missing around.

Here it is. Grollo, Miss Tiller's jewelry, and I ain't about to add a county vehicle to the mess. And besides, I want to keep an eye on you. Good. You might learn something. Come on.

Here. Wait a minute. Where are you going? Over to the Ferris wheel. That truck hasn't been off the fairgrounds in one of the couple of minutes. I wanna get a look at the countryside. Ferris, see?

That gives me an idea. I hope it would. Come on. Say, you know, Sheriff, I don't know very much about this. Farm side ferriting rackets. Well, there's more to it than meets the eyes. I can tell you that.

Oh, well, I bet there is. Tell me, didn't I see a feed trough on Rollo's truck with a lot of mashing it? Now let's see if he at yams this afternoon he'd eat mashed tonight, all right?

His mashed pick up any kind of a smell? Oh, sour, swill. But the pig seems to like it. Ah, how does this sound, you sheriff? Suppose right after you take your ride to the top of the first wheel, the case the countryside, we were to get ourselves a nice hungry pig.

Say, that gives me an idea. We could take that pig and he could smell that mash in the air and sniff out the trail of that truck. Sheriff, if you aren't a genius, I wouldn't be surprised.

Oh, sure. It was planting time in Iowa that night, at least for ideas, to of which I had planted in the not too fertile mind of Sheriff Harry Bluitt. And as long as it took us to walk in the trotting track to the Ferris wheel, it came harvest time for notion number one.

Okay, Mr. Okay, I'm the Sheriff. I want you to run me up to the top of that wheel and hold me there long enough for me to get a look around. Oh my God, I'm going to get a look.

Will came to a stop with Harry Blue and sitting in his little cage at the top. I pulled a low trick on a high sheriff. I bought a pink lemonade from the juice stand next to the ferris wheel, walked over to the motor, that rolled the big heap, unscrewed the cap on a gas tank,

and gave it a big long trick. I hope it wasn't doing to people's stomachs what it did to that motor. You might want to remember this harmless little deceit the next time you have occasion to get rid of a sheriff.

This kind of publicity is too expensive, I demand that you do something. Don't worry, Mr. Tiller, I am going to do something. And I'll thank you to remember that the only ones who stand to get heard right at this point are the insurance companies that wrote the policies on your pig and your wife's diamond brute.

Try Worthington! I hadn't thought of that. Why should we worry? My brute is insured for way over the back of the old. Hortense! You keep flapping that loud tongue of yours, the first thing you know, there'll be a cues in us.

be accusing us why they wouldn't dare yes we would mrs. Tiller. But we're just not the time for the fifteen thousand dollar profit on a pig and whatever else you could make on your jewelry might make anybody that type of system. I'm not.

I'm here. I've had just about enough of your slanderous implications. I have a few thoughts you might. Go ahead. I'm always interested in profit. Tiller. My father had the same thing happened to him back in 1902.

That's right. Remember dear, in Nebraska, he bought the prize pig at a fancy price. And then the scoundrel that sold it to him turned around and stole it back. There, eh? What do you think of that?

Would there be a suggestion that we throw the young lady who sold your pig to you in the pokey on the strength of something that happened 37 years ago? That's for you to decide, dollar.

Just don't say I didn't warn you. I see. If you don't have an orchid, depending on the young lady. suspicion. With most of the crowd plaxing the grandstand watching the free attractions I had a good chance to scout the fairground for Alba Anderson. From whom I wanted to learn a little bit more about the habits of not only pigs but

their ex-owners. A trail led me past the homebaked cakes, hybrid corn, the watermelon pickle, tractor and harrow exhibits and all the way back to where I first met her. Rallo's pen and the swine wing are the livestock building. When I got there Raulo's cover was there.

Alba was leaving for the rear door on the company of a small, tough looking gent carrying a sack over his shoulder. Name of Little Rocky from Arkansas. I can hardly believe it, but they piled into a car and pulled off of the road.

At the risk of adding one last insult to the most recent injury I'd inflicted upon shirt up blued. I stole his car and went dusting up the highway in a hot pursuit. There's nothing easier to follow than a red taillight on a clear night.

and a bright Mazda ruby tacked under the rear of a little Rocky's car, led me around the village of Carver and 11 miles out for the pastures to a shack hidden in a grove of elm trees, a hundred yards off the road.

I parked the car, I lagged it in. From 25 feet away from the house, I could call the road to an open window. They were all there. Rocky, strong arm manner would knock me off the running board, Alba Anderson, and Lance, but not Leach, it was hollow.

All 980 pounds of them, and most important to me, still alive. Here you are, my lawyer, Cuban Clark. The art shop. This is all the sweet containers it was left. First it goes through them and then we'll be ready for you, Alba.

But I told you, I don't have it. We'll see about that later. Hey, my loo, don't get the porkery excited. I didn't do the airport to sack on me. Look at him, it's throw him out the window and away from him.

Now, hurry up. Oh, the redness one. The redness one is it. Nope. You have from now on from you know thinking. Anybody dumbing up the stash of $30,000 hunk of jewelry and pit food ought to go see a head, doctor.

It's really open window. I was being bombarded by sweet potatoes and fangs. Well, making a getaway at the ripping the brooch from Mrs. Tiller's throat. The Iraqis at Kopplers had suffered a sudden attack of panic.

I hid in the brooch in one of Raulo's lunchtime yams. What if that game was inside the piggy or out? They and I were apparently just on the verge of learning. That's not a good thing here.

That means your little friend here had a $30,000 snack today. Which right now is giving me a great big belly. You know all about pigs, what do we do about it? Well, Rocky was yellow, he wouldn't rub him out.

Look who's talking. Here, take my 30-80 cure so tough. You're killing no piggy with him just standing there looking at me. If you'd only make a break for it, I'd mow him down. Ah, you. Now look, baby. We'll kill him if we got her.

We want that chunk of ice and we want it fast. My little tease him into the corner with a sweet potato. We're throwing them all out the window. Please, Mr. Rocky, don't! You can set up to him, sit down.

Close your eyes if you want him. Oh, please! In the manner of Sheriff Bluitt, I had a idea. Give him to be forced by Rocky. Alba was sitting in the corner. Rollo was scratching his side by rubbing it against the opposite.

And Rocky and Milo were standing shoulder to shoulder in the middle of the room, ready to advance on him. I groped around the dark until I found one in the end. And taking his sweep with that old delicately in my hand, I tossed it through the window so that it would roll to a point just behind Rocky and his pal, Milo.

Oh look out! Rollo took my bait and getting to it, knocked his two would-be executioners and a heap on the floor. I took over from there jumping to the window and applying a kitchen chair to the perspective of the produce.

Reducing enemies to a state of unconscious surrender. They gave out. Alva gave up. And Ronald gave me a dirty look. Oh Mr. Tiller, there he is. Saved and sound. Good as new. Fat and sassy.

Well, well, good. Congratulations. And not only that, but in him someplace. He not only has a good fighting heart, but also that diamond brooch of your wife's. Oh yes we're interesting. Well I'd better go charter a plane.

Rollo is doing Kansas City at noon tomorrow. Oh but it might upset him Mr. Tiller. Rosie Baron of Iowa was never flown before. He might lose wings. Oh what's the bling her way to get into Kansas City?

Is he booked for a personal appearance? Oh no. No no hardly that. He's due to be slaughtered at a special ceremony. All the plans are made. I wouldn't want to disappoint my boys. They've been looking forward to this.

Oh, I... What do you like, Brad? It's almost murder. Oh, Ronald. Oh, Johnny. Come on, let's get out of here, Alan. Who'd have ever thought? I... Johnny Dollar. Would have ever gotten so attached to a pig.

Spencer Cowell, item four, 350. Dinner for Alba and me. A vegetable dinner, by the way. And thinking of that reminds me, if you find a $30,000 The blue china pork chop, it'll only mean that the blue ribbon prime packing company didn't have much luck when they went looking for it.

Expense account item five, twenty dollars. One new gold-plated badge, which I sent to Sheriff Harry Bluet Appeasement. For having stranded him atop that ferris wheel, stealing his car, and for suggesting that he use a hungry pig for a bloodhound.

Or the porker followed the mash sentle, right? Next morning, they found Sheriff Bluet searching an old mash factory. mile the wrong side of town. Item $6.76.80. Bus and train fare, Carver, Iowa, back to Hartford, Connecticut.

But I'm still wondering every morning at breakfast time, what else can you eat with eggs? A champagne or bacon or sausage? And maybe you don't think that's a problem. Having known a circuit champion named Rollo Rosie Barren of Iowa.

Eggs, men's account total $1,463. Yours, um, truly, Johnny Dollar. Yours truly Johnny Dollar is produced and directed by Norman Mcdonald and stars Charles Russell with script by Paul Dudley and Gildau.

Featured in the cast were Parley Bear, Sammy Hill and John Dana, with Junius Matthews and Morrison, Jack Crucion and Paul Dubaud. Pinto Colvig was Rullo. The special music is written and conducted by Leith Stevens.

Be sure to be with us at the same time next week when another most unusual expense account is handed in by yours truly Johnny Dollar. Your hit parade on parade will be back tonight in the familiar CBS Jack Benny time with the great tunes of August 12 years ago.

Wheatley Lani and Where of When. Many and others still green in your memory will be among the hits you will hear. Speaking of hits, put down August 29th this year in your little book. That's when Arthur Godfrey and his talent scouts, the stars of Lux Radio Theater, my friend Irma and Bob Hawk, return to join Inter Sanctum.

So make your Monday night the regular date with CBS. This is Roy Rowan speaking. Stay tuned now for your hit parade on parade. to CBAs for Columbia, broadcasting system.