The Mel Blanc Show: Muscle Man Contest

From Hollywood, Colgate Tooth Powder for a breath that's sweet and teeth that sparkle presents the Mel Blank Show. You're a neat shoppinging, I've got to take it to Mel Blank's Fix-It Shop. My wife's percolator top is cracked, I've got to take it to Mel Blank's Fix-It Shop.

Oh, my stocking has a running it, I've got to take it to Mel Blank's Fix-It Shop. My wife's gonna have a baby, I've got to take it to Mel Blank to the hospital! Colgate Tooth Powder for a breath that's sweet and teeth that sparkle brings you to Mel Blank's show with Mary Jane Croft.

with Mary Jane Croft, Earl Ross, Joe Kern, Zuckey, Victor Miller and his orchestra, and as the star in his own Fix-It-Shop, Mel Blank! Now let's drop in and Mel Blank's Fix-It-Shop. You know, Mel is one of those fellows who tackle any odd job and make it come out even, but it's an even bet that when he's through,

the odds will be against him. You'll see just what I mean as soon as you listen to Mel talking things over with his girlfriend Betty. Gee, honey, your father's gonna be proud of me when he sees how I fixed up everything for the company picnic tomorrow, the tables, the chairs, the barbecue?

Yes, now. But I keep remembering last year's picnic. You and I stayed after everybody left. You slipped your arm around my waist. I slipped my arm around your waist. Yeah. And then we both puckered up, and we blew out the fire together.

Ha ha ha, still. But really tomorrow's picnic means a great deal of father. Well, what's so special about it? Well, this year Lionel owns a district manager of supermarkets and cooperatives guest of honor. Oh, that's nice.

But you and I will be together all day. Now listen, you see, Daddy has an idea Mr. Owens may promote him to be Assistant District Manager. Gee, that'd be nice for your father. Hey, look honey, tomorrow lets you and I take a rowboat.

Now I'm trying to tell you something. Huh? Lionel Owens is very important to Daddy. And I have to be with him most of the day, make things pleasant for Mr. Owens at the picnic. Oh, I get it.

We just want to help Daddy in any way we can, you know. I know, and I'm trying my best. Look at this banner I painted to welcome Mr. Owens. Mr. Owens. Where did I read it to you? The employees of Supermarket Incorporated Number 12 welcome Lionel Owens Big Ham. Now! A big ham and shrimp barbecue.

Guess I put the commoner on place. You don't really mind about Mr. Owens and me tomorrow do you? Well I had it all planned to be with you. I know but what about father? Let him get his own girl. Darling if Mr. Owens has a good time at the picnic tomorrow there may be a promotion in it for daddy. Remember Mr. Owens is pretty important.

Yeah, he must be. Your father came here this morning just to tell me that Mr. Owens is a big success in business. Not like some other people he knows. Oh, man. And he told me Mr.

Owens was a big athlete in college. All American. A real man. Not like some people he knows. He said lionalones is a kind of a man any father would be proud to have for a son-in-law. Not like some other people he knows. I wonder who all those people are your father and I.

You're just as big as success as he is any day. You know it, nine-on. Yeah, too bad it's just a secret between you and me. Well, honey, anyway, tomorrow, remember I'm standing the day with Mr. Owens to please father.

It's strictly a business deal. Yeah, and I'm getting the business. Oh, hello, Mr. Colby. Yes, Mr. Owens. I'm not going to be a business guy. I'm not going to be a business guy. I'm not going to be a business guy.

Oh, hello, Mr. Colby. Yes, it is a nice day, isn't it? Melvin, I'm a little worried about the picnic tomorrow. Oh, there's nothing to worry about. Uncle Rupert, Zookie and I fixed everything. The chairs, the barbeque, the banner for Mr. Owens.

Mr. Owens, I'm worried about... Yes, and I it is. Just as good an athlete as the day left college. He thinks he's as strong as an ox. Well, gee, Mr. Colby, he ought to enjoy showing off on those two strength testers.

You know those two muscle meters we rented from the amusement park? Yes, he'll be tickled pink if he wins, but if by some freak he loses, I'll never get that job as assistant district manager.

Well, then you have to find somebody who'll compete against Mr. Owens, somebody who'll be sure to lose. Yes, what we need is a little weakling, a surefire pushover. That's right. I know just the man, but I don't know whether or not he'd do it.

Oh, Mr. Colby, anybody who'd refuse to help you in a situation like this is a... Well, uh, that's all I wanted to know, then I'll ask him. What's his name? Mel Blanket. Mel Blanket. Me?

Oh, hey, Mr. Cobia, I'm no athlete. Exactly. You get the idea. Oh, no. I post for one of those health ads. You know those before and after pictures? Uh, which one were you before or after?

Neither. I was heaven forbid. Oh, but it's wonderful. You know, I can just see it now. Lionel Owens takes the mallet, swings it the muscle meter, up goes the hutchamacallit, hits the thing of a jig and the bell ring.

Yeah. One thousand, the meter reads superman. She and Mr. Owens wasn't even trying. And then come Jotter. Yeah, you step up, swing the mallet down with all your might. The thing about Bob flies up and up and up and up.

What does a meter read from me? 100 Mickey Mouse. But Mr. Kobe, what will Betty think of me? We won't say a word about this to anyone, understand? I knew I could count on you, son.

Oh, now I must get out of the station and pick up Mr. Owens. Must you? In fact, I think I'll bring him here first, just to let him see you. What kind of competition he'll be up against tomorrow?

Well, I heard a cutthroat competition, but why must it be my throat? Well, is it true, as father, tell me you're gonna compete against Mr. Owens tomorrow? Yeah, on the muscle meter, but... Oh, darling, I'm so proud of you.

Well, maybe you better wait till tomorrow. Now, this is what I've been waiting for. You taking this way to show daddy you're not spineless, that you've got a lion's heart and a quick eye. Gosh, wouldn't it be easier if he just gave me a physical?

Oh, darling, I just know you're gonna win. Oh, look, here come, father, Mr. Owens now. My Mr. Owens, I want you to meet Bearcat blank, what's the strongest man in town? I'd be delighted to. Hello.

Oh, yes, and this is my daughter, Benny. Hello, Mr. Owens. Well, well, well, I've looked forward to meeting you. It's my pleasure. It's my girl. Now, Mel, aren't you going to shake hands with Mr. Owens?

That's right. Put her there, Bearcat. Oh, oh, oh, oh. What's the matter? Oh, nothing. I never use that hand much anyway. I hear you're quite a felon in the Muscle Department. Good, good. I want some real competition.

Here, feel some real muscles. We'll go on, feel. Chief, they are real, aren't they? You know where I got these? Eastern Columbia Broadway at nine. My college days used to get up every morning and chop up six chords of wood for breakfast.

Boy, it was that good. I like Wheaties much better. This is really hard, Mr. Owens. Card, Mr. Owens. Well, we'd better be going. Come on, good to know ya, blank. Put her there. Oh, I'd rather not.

I might hurt your other hand. Right? Oh, goodbye, Mel. You'd be fine. I'll be right with you. Look, Mel, when it's all understood then, huh? I guess so. Owns wins, you lose. If Owens doesn't get a chance to show off those muscles of his tomorrow, he's going to be feeling awfully bad.

And if he feels bad, I'll feel bad. Well, you know what that means. Yeah, I'll feel worse. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Zuckey Millad installing these ridiculous muscle meters has me completely fatigued. Yeah, I'm all to the attire, to the attire now.

I'm all bebebebebebebebebe. I'm exhausted. But I feel swell. That's supermarket super athlete Owens will give Mel an awful drunkie tomorrow. How does Mel expect to win? He ought to wise up to himself. Yeah, me and Mel ought to get an extra himself when it comes to me.

it must have me and me and me, and me. He ought to get next to himself when it comes to t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t. He ought to get next to himself when it... He can meet more nice people that way.

But listen, Suki, Mel is not going to lose. I have a plan, a b-b-b-b-b. Yeah. Suki, we're going to loosen the spring in this red machine, so that no matter how hard this Owens fellow hits it, It won't register over 200, understand?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then we're going to tighten the spring on this blue machine, so that when Melvin brings his puny melod down, the bell on top will resound for hours. Get it? Oh, it certainly is.

No. How can you tell what you mean, muscle meter, eh? Which guy is supposed to mean, how can you tell what you mean, muscle meter, eh? Which guy is supposed? What you mean, what you mean, you mean, you mean, how can you say it, eh, eh, eh.

Okay, I'll see that Mel works only on the blue machine. I've taken care of that. Honest Uncle Rupert had himself appointed referee. You did? Yes, my lad. Melvin just can't lose. A breath of trouble makes no detour.

It strikes the rich as well as the poor. Perhaps that little breath of trouble. I mean, unpleasing breath has even caught up with you. Be on your guard. Do this. Brush your teeth night and morning and before every date with Colgate Tooth Powder.

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Don't take a chance with you. Use Goldgate Tooth Powder. Well, our Mr. Fix it, Mel Blank is really an affix. Mel is promised to lose to Lionel Owens in a contest of strength on the muscle meter.

But Uncle Rupert and Zooki, who know nothing of Mel's promise, have fixed it so that Mel can't lose. Well, we find Mel and Betty at the picnic grounds now, but you can bet that before the day is over, it'll be anything but a picnic for our hero.

Hey, look, Betty. Suppose I don't show up so well against Mr. Owens. Would it matter very much to you? Oh, of course not. I know you're going to do your best against him in this contest.

And when it's all over, you'll feel like a new man. Yeah, and whoever I feel like will be an improvement. Buddy, don't talk like that. I know you're going to win today. How can you be so sure?

Well, I love you, don't I? Hmm, that's logical. I'll be serious, darling. What's the matter with you? Oh, I don't know. I just don't have the ambition to amount to anything. Now that's silly. I don't have the personality to amount to anything.

That's not true. And I don't have the brains to amount to anything. Well, this is a fine time to stop arguing with me. That's not true. When I was nine, I really must get back to Mr. Owen.

So do you know what that big windbag said? What honey? He said he can tear a telephone book in half. Isn't that funny? Ha ha ha ha! Er, Kenny? Yes, he tore one in half for me.

Oh. A Chicago directory too. Oh, well, well, I can tear a telephone book in half too. You can now? Yeah, if it's one from Ghosttown, Arizona. Oh, good-bye, honey. Don't forget I'm with you. Thanks, honey. Oh, this is fine. If I win, I lose. If I lose, I win.

Well, at least you can't say I'm not getting an even break. Hey, oh, Zuckie! Yes, Uncle Ruby, Uncle Ruby, eh, Uncle Ruby. Hi, Rope. Are you sure you fixed those muscle meters so that Melvin can't lose?

Oh, yeah, everything is... Everything's okay. Okay, okay, uh, uh, check. What took you so long? I ran into the entity of Dr. Krab. Dr. Krab, that dog doctor. What's he doing here at the picnic?

He wants to see you. Here he comes now. I'll talk to him. Looky, you get back and watch those machines. Okay. Oh, hello, Christopher. How's the good dog doctor today? Consultant veterinarian if you don't mind.

What's the matter with you? Nothing's a matter with me. Just got a catch on my throat. Could I have a pan of water? Say, Christopher, do you realize you hang around dog kennel so much?

You're beginning to sound like a dog? You're very kind. Thank you, my dear. Christopher, I'm in a hurry. I have to refer you to a contest of strength between Melvin and Mr. Owens. Or wish it introduced me to Mr. Owens.

I want to ask him to mark at my special dog food. special dog food. Oh, Dr. Krabs Doggy Dinner. How does it taste? Oh, delicious. Oh, oh, oh. Okay, okay, Christopher. I'll tell Mr. Owens.

Thanks. I'd have told him myself, but I couldn't get to him for all those wild kids here at the picnic. Oh, come now, Christopher. You must have been pretty wild yourself. When you were a pup.

Oh, no. Oh no, I lived a very sheltered childhood. In fact, I was kept on a leash. My mother sawed of that. Your mother? What about your father? Who do you think was on the other leash?

Whoa, whoa! Go away, go away! I've wasted enough time already. I'll go. Goodbye, Rupert. Remember, don't put a dash on dinner revolving door. He's much too long, my friend. He'll only catch up with himself and say, Brother, this is the end.

Oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Here's our gentlemen of supermarket number 12. You're about to witness a contest of strength and skill between your esteemed district manager, this massive muscle, lion oil. Thank you, thank you, thank you very much.

Here in my hand you see a Chicago telephone directory. Watch closely. Yes. Would you stop tearing up those telephone books and his opponent, that grand boy, That magnificent specimen of manhood, proprietor of our local Fix-It-Chop, Nell Blank.

You're Miss Colby, and now Mr. Owens, step right up to your muscle meter. No, no, no, no, not that one right here. The red one, anything you say. Our gentleman, the first one to ring the bell, will be the winner.

You have three tries. Your first, Mr. Owens. Go ahead. Okay, stand back, everybody. This is going to be a cinch, a thousand, the first time. I'm the muscle meter. Good for you, Mr. Owens. The meter reads weak as a kitten, drink more milk.

Wait a minute, where did I take another swing at this? I'll break it in half. Fifty end of meter reads tough of the mark. If you're a grandmother, I don't understand it. Why did everybody get further back straight out?

I'll lose just hundreds end of meter again reads weak as a kitten. Oh no, I can't be on through. I'm through. Mr. Owens, I probably won't hit 75. That's right, Mel. You won't hit that high, will you?

Me, Mr. Colby? Why? Right here, Melvyn, the blue muscle meter. Step right up my boy. Go ahead, Donny, you show him. Okay. Well, here goes everybody. Did somebody hear something? 1,000 on the muscle meter and the meter reads!

Superbell! Yeah, my left hand too. Mel, blank, I want to talk to you. Oh, Mr. Colby, I just talked to you. I can't. Now I'll see you later. I gotta get a candy bar, you know, for energy?

Build it before I wait. Wait, for Uncle. Mr. Colby? Oh, yes, Mr. Owens. I want to talk to you alone. Now look, Mr. Owens, you weren't informed. Everybody has an all day. No, Colby, let's face it.

I'm slipping. I've been working too hard as district manager. Your fire is gone. Fire? Oh, you mean fire's gone. Oh, yes, Colby. Yes, Colby. When I got out of college, I promised myself at the moment I started losing my grip, I'd give up work completely and build myself up again.

You don't say? Now you can help me, Colby. You've got to take my place as district manager. Me? District manager? No, I know. It'll take a toll of your strength as it did me, but you won't let me down, will you?

Will you accept? Will I? I will. Let me get this straight. You say you and Zuki fixed those muscle meters so I couldn't help winning? Exactly, my lad. No job too big for the fixer shop.

Now, are you pleased with your old uncle? Oh, but you don't understand. The only reason Mr. Colby entered me against Owens was for me to lose. I promise to lose! Lose? Mr. Colby will kill me. You lose his job.

Oh, what a mess. Oh, I'm sorry, Melvin. Hey, wait, maybe it's not too late. I hope I can straighten this out before Mr. Colby gets fired. Say, Mr. Owens! Yes? Say, uh... What do you say you take another crack at the muscle meter, huh?

Uh, it's no use, Mr. Black. I just haven't got it in me. Melvin, can't you see that Mr. Owens is tired? Very tired. Oh, come on, Mr. Owens. Just one more try. You can do better than grandmother.

No, thanks. I've been embarrassed enough for one day. Melvin, let's just let things stand the way they are, shall we? Mmm. Mr. Owens, please. Here, here, take this mallet. Step up to the blue muscle meter. Please go on, try it, please.

Well, okay, but it's really no use. You see, a thousand Mr. Owens, you're a... Yeah, yeah, I'm Superman. I'm Superman! Whoa, self again! Mr. Colby, where's Mr. Colby? Here I am, sir. I thought I was through Mr. Colby, but mail here changed my mind.

Yeah, didn't I? Well, I won't be needing anybody to replace me Colby. I guess I'm still right there on the beam. Thanks to mail here. See you later, everybody! Oh, you... Daddy! Oh, but with a zuckey as him.

What's a zuckey as him? Wait and see. Oh, Mr. Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm. Use cold, gate to father. Keep smiling just right each night. Use Colgate Tooth Powder. You know, not even a loving wife can bring herself to mention a little breath of trouble.

I mean, unpleasing breath to her husband. Don't let that breath of trouble hurt your happy marriage. Be sure to do this. Brush your teeth night and morning and before every date with Colgate Tooth Powder.

For Colgate Tooth Powder, clean your breath as it cleans your teeth. Yes, scientific tests have definitely proved that in seven cases out of ten, Colgate Tooth Powder instantly stops, unpleasing breath that originates in the mouth.

What's more, no dentifers at any price cleans your teeth more quickly and thoroughly than Colgate Tooth Powder. Remember to buy it first thing. And remember the name Colgate Tooth Powder with the accent on powder.

Don't take a chance with your romance. Use Colgate Tooth Powder. Zuki, I hope you learned something about competition from today's picnic. Yes, Zuki, everything in life has a moral. What did you learn? Well, I learned that to win.

You gotta put your shoulder to the wheel. And, well, it's a win, you gotta put your new notes to the gr... It's a win, you gotta... You gotta... You gotta be a good loser. This is fun, Mr. Delightish.

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