The Harold Peary Show: Advertising Shark Repellant Powder on the Radio Show

And now Harold Perry as Honest Harold the homemaker. Well, here we are in Melrose Springs again, where at the moment most of the housewives are listening to their favorite morning radio program, Honest Harold the homemaker.

Let's tune in and listen to Honest Harold, who is just telling his listeners about his new project. telling his listeners about his new project. And so, girls, let's all get behind this drive for the sunny side of 70 Club.

Club House, where the old folks can enjoy their leisure time. Ladies, if you can't send cash, send us books and old games. Anything around the house you don't need. Of course, don't send us your husband.

Hello, Gloria. Oh, good morning Harold. How's the mail for the sunny side of 70 clubhouse coming in? It's not. Golly, Mr. Hamp, I'm sorry your campaign to help the old folks isn't going over. Yes, oh my, Gloria. Everybody sort of forgets about the old people and how long some they must get.

I just thought they deserve a clubhouse where they could get together, play games, have some fun in life. Remember the old saying Gloria the years passed silently, but old age creeks up on you Someday I'll be old I'll have children Then grandchildren then great grandchildren. Oh, what do I do? Well, I get married first

Do you really think I should Harold Yes, when the proper young fellow comes along. Speaking of proper young fellows, how is our dear boss Stanley Peabody this morning? Oh, him? Yeah, I know what you mean.

Why is it with all the nice radio station managers in the country we had to get that pickle face? Is that you, Hem? Oh, hello, pickle face. I mean Peabody. Oh, Hem? I just received the results of the intelligence test we gave our employees here at the radio station.

Just thought you'd like to know. You came out at the top of your classification. Yeah, did you hear that, Gloria? The top, eh? Yes, you're the smartest moron working here. Okay. Ha ha! I ain't... smartest moron.

Gee, you came in first. I came in six. Well, I guess I didn't do so bad after all. See you later, Gloria. A lot of traffic today. Four cars in the bicycle. Guess I'll cross the street here.

Watch out where you're going. A lot of state license. Careful there, Sinatra. What? Oh, it's old Dachy Echia. You like a boy Scott to help you cross the street, my damn? Yeah. Very funny, you old horse doctor.

Oh, horse doctor. And I'd rather be doctoring a horse than most people I know. Present company accepted. Oh, yes, of course. How is the veterinary business doc? I'm just getting back from a house call.

Jeff Peters Cow is alien. Oh, sign of struggle. Yes. Well, is it serious? Couldn't tell. It was kind of hard to examine her. Jeff was milking her at the same time. What's new with you, crooner?

What's your latest crusade? Well, it's not exactly a crusade, Doc. But I am campaigning for that sunny side of 70 recreation hall. Oh, yeah, I heard about that. It's all right, my boy. But people are always worrying about people.

About time somebody started worrying about animals. What? Well, animals get old, too, you know. No, Doc. You never heard of a home for elderly gophers. Why, that's silly. Nobody ever started a pension plan for cockerspanol over 60.

Over sixty. Oh, Doc. What about a recreation hall for our old four-legged friends? You never saw two cows playing canasta? Yeah. Go vaccinate a mule, will you, Doc? Mother, I'm home.

Oh, hello, Harold. Did you have a nice day? Well, pretty good, Mother. Oh, and I have a wonderful surprise, Harold. We're having a guest for dinner. A guest? Hmm. Well, he came to the door to sell me something.

He was such a nice man. And we got to talking, and he said he hadn't had a home-cooked meal for so long. But you don't know anything about him, mother? Why, he might turn out to be a crook or something.

Oh, he couldn't be dishonest with a name he has. Oh, what is his name? Sin-Sear Sam Smith. Oh, right. Oh, right. Now, Harold, Mr. Smith is a very honest man. I can tell. He has especially large earlobes.

Large earlobes? Oh, mother. Or you can always judge people by their earlobes. Mother, it's wonderful to be sweet and trusting, but you're much too gullible. It's a good thing you've got me to protect you from these shady characters.

Eh, probably him now. I'll take care of him. Sincere Sam Smith. But he's a real slicker. Probably wears two-tone shoes. I'd better have a peek at him first. I'll say he's got large earlobes. Looks like a bloodhound.

Well, that won't fool me. Yes? Good evening, Mr. Hemp. Good evening. It's a pleasure to meet you. Smooth. Let me shake your ham. Better take my elk swing off first. So you're the man I've heard so much about.

That. You're honest Harold the homemaker. Mr. Hemp, I have a favor to ask of you. You won't get a cent out of me. I wonder if I could have your autograph. Huh? You know, you're quite a celebrity with me, Mr. Hemp.

I can honestly say that as a radio performer, you're far better than Arthur Godfrey. Yeah. Ha ha ha. Say it's too bad that you're not on television. television I didn't realize you were so handsome Has anyone ever told you you look like George Raph well we both use stay comb Mr. Smith won't you come in oh, thank you

Please sit down mr. Smith mother will be right in fine He looks nice and honest he does have a fine pair of earlobes Oh, Mr. Smith. Mother tells me you're a salesman. Oh, I do that as a sort of hobby. I love to meet people, you know. I'm really an oil man.

Retired. Oh, I see. But just to keep active, I've been merchandising this very useful household gadget. Household gadget? Well, what is it? Well, it's a special kind of powder. It's very handy if you ever have to make a forced landing in the middle of the ocean.

It repelled sharks. It repelled sharks. It repelled sharks. It repelled sharks. It repelled sharks. It repelled sharks. Oh, that sounds like a handy thing to have around the kitchen, alright? How are they selling? They're not too well, honest Harold.

Oh. I bought a whole carload of them too. War surfloggers, eh? I guess I'm just an old country boy, but I couldn't stand to see the government. My government stuck with all that shock repellent.

Say you're a real patriot since you're sad. Oh, I try to be, but you, you are the real humanitarian. I am? Yes, that's a wonderful idea you have. The sunny side of Seventy Clubhouse. It's too bad you're having trouble raising that money.

Well, honest Harold, I like you. I like your face. Oh, it's just a face. You know what? I'm going to raise that money for you. You are? Yes indeed. All you have to do is to sell my short repellent powder over your radio program.

And you can keep 25 cents out of every dollar for your clubhouse. Gosh, how can I ever thank you? I'm glad to do it. There's just one thing on this terrible. If we're going into this partnership, I'll have to ask you to put up a bond of 50 dollars.

Well, don't you trust me? Of course, yes. Personally, I trust you 100% what we have to protect the old folks. Say, that's pretty thoughtful of you, since you're Sam. Yeah, just a minute here. I'll get my wallet.

There you are. Thank you. May I have my wallet back now? Excuse me, people here. Say, thanks for the money. And now I want to give you something. Here is a free sample of my shark repellent powder.

Well, thanks, but I don't really need it. A shark would have to be pretty smart to catch me. Yeah. Yeah. And before signing off this morning, dear listeners, I want to thank you all for the way you've been sending in your dollars for our shark repellent powder.

Remember, $0.25 of every dollar goes toward outfitting the sunny side of 70 clubhouse. And by the way, people are having a lot of fun finding ways to use this powder. It shines in the dark, you know.

Climb eggs put some on his beard, and now he can read in bed at night without turning on the nightlife. His wife likes it too. But seriously folks, you're just about the kindest, nicest people I know.

I love those dear hearts and gentle people who live in my hometown Because those dear hearts and gentle people will never ever let you down They read the good book from Friday to Monday. That's how the weekend goes.

I've got a dream house. I'll build there one day with picket fence and rambling rows. I feel so welcome each time that I return, That my happy heart keeps lapping like a clown I love the dear hearts and gentle people who live in love in my hometown 340, 341

Oh, through counting the money, honest parents? Eh, oh, sincere, Sam. Just have to figure out the small change. 342, 304... Oop, Canadian dime. Been floating around town ever since that bagpipe ban from Toronto was up here.

342 dollars and 90 cents. That is wonderful. And we still have one more day to go. Say it, this is a lot of money since you're Sam, don't you think we ought to put it in the hotel safe here?

Oh no. No. I think it would be safer here in the hotel room with me. You do? Yes. I don't trust the manager. Ever notice? No earlobes. No. I can't take chances with a man like that.

Yes, you're right. It's a good thing we got you looking after the money, sincere Sam. Well, thank you, honest Harold. Him? Come into my office. What is it, Stanley? Oh, man. Him? I want to talk to you about this shock repellent powder.

I'd like to sprinkle some on him. I've just been thinking. Always bragging. Yes, Stanley. If anything should happen to all this money you've taken in, you know this station is liable. Huh? What about this character, Sincere Sam?

Are you sure he's honest? One of the most honest men I ever met, Stanley, relax. This shock powder sounds fishy to me. You made it funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Looks to me like sincere Sam has pulled the wool over your eyes.

Now, I'm just wearing my bangs kind of low today, Sam. Yeah, your thoughts are sheep. Sheep, are you sure this sincere Sam hasn't been fleecing you? Stanley, if it'll make you feel any better, I'll call good old Sam and have him bring the money over right now.

Gloria, get me the Antler Hotel. Stanley, you're gonna feel awfully ashamed of yourself. Hello? Antler Hotel? I'd like to speak to sincere Sam Smith, please. I'll wait, calling me a sheepstandly, shame. Hello? What's that?

And see your Sam is gone. He checked out. Well, him. What have you got to say? No. We'll return for the second act of our story, Honest Herald, in just a moment. The National Guard is now beginning its 1950 recruiting drive.

220,000 men are needed to reach the desired quota. Why not stop in at your local National Guard recruiting office and learn the full details? To keep America prepared, the National Guard needs you now, today.

And by the way, don't miss Harold Perry's important announcement at the end of our show. And now back to Honest Harold, the homemaker. Well, Honest Harold is learning that large earlobes may hide a dishonest heart.

For the great philanthropist, Sincere Sam Smith, has left town with the money raised for the sunny side of Seventy Club. Right now, Harold is in Stanley Peabody's office on the carpet. But I just can't understand it, Stanley. There must be some mistake.

There is him. And you made it. And it just goes to prove what I've always said. You're an incompetent, idiotic, bungling... Stupid? Yes. Stupid don't. You're so right, Stanley, and I've let all those people down.

They'll never get their clubhouse now, and all those nice people who send in their dollars in that Canadian with his dime. Well, you've got more than that to worry about. I hate to do this, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to turn this whole matter over to the police.

You mean they'll put some serious salmon jail? Oh, mother's going to be very upset about that. Well, see, you won't have to be. You'll be there with him. Oh, oh, oh. Stanley, you wouldn't do that.

I'm sorry, hemp, but it's my duty to protect the reputation of this station. Stanley, give me a chance for old time-sake. Remember the office party? Last Christmas? In the dark under the mistletoe, Stanley? You thought I was Gloria, did you felt my mustache?

This is no time for sentiment, Harold. Now, honest, Harold, I'll give you just 24 hours to get that money back. 24 hours? And if you don't, you'll be going up the river, up the river.

Gosh, she's throwing me to the sharks, and I sold out all that powder. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! I guess there's no youth herald. We've called almost every town around here, and there's no sign of sincere Sam.

Hm, yes, Galaria, but I just got to find it. Well, all right. I'll try another town. Good old Galaria. Yeah. Call the hotel in Honkerville. Yeah. Operator, get me Honkerville 13. Please. Hello, hunger bill Plaza.

Just a moment please. Here's your party here. Yeah, thank you. Hello, desk clerk. I said desk clerk. Must be deaf. A stranger checking your hotel lately. He did. Any war of frock coat? Pat leather shoes?

Duck bill haircut? When did you see him last? 1905. 1905. We didn't get things Brian. Oh my goodness. What? No, I'm not gonna vote for him. Goodbye. Brother, it's no use, Gloria. We failed. Excuse me, Harold.

Station KHJP. What? What is it, Gloria? Oh, that was the hotel in Sigma City. Sincere Sam just checked in there. Oh Laurie, you're wonderful. Missed me. Is that me? We're engaged. Laurie, for heaven's sake, I'm in enough trouble now.

Yes. You've got to move fast now. I'll get Pete the town of Marson. We'll dash over and slip the handcuffs on Sincere Sam Smith before he knows it. We better hurry though. He's pretty slippery.

He's liable to sneak out of Sigmund City before we get there. Hope the marshal's in. Good. There he is. Marshall, I've got to see you right away. Here's a minute, Harold. I'm on the phone.

No, what would that again, Miss Crocker? You want a dog like a peep? This is urgent. And now you just have to wait your turn. Ooh. Now, Miss Crocker, I'll have to fill out a form.

What's a dog's name? Geraldine. Oh, no, that's a cute name. Let me write that down. Cute names. And what's a dog's name? Married or single? I must have the wrong form. Oh, look here Pete, I'm in the hurry.

Well, I'll take care of him, Miss Crocker. Goodbye. Now, how can I do for you, Harold? How's your mother? You get over a room with you? Yes. Marshall, I want to report to robbery. Robbery?

OK, I have to fill out a form. What? Where did I put that? Here it is. Form kind of dusty. Pete! Alright, I'm ready, name, please. Oh, for heaven's sake, you've known me for 20 years.

I'm Harold Himp. Let me write that down. Wait here, O-L-D, Himp. I don't look like a nickel cigar. Pete, will you stop that writing? I want to talk to you. Look at me. You need a shave, boy.

I want you to help me, Pete. I want you to arrest a man named Sincere Sam Smith. Since you're Sam Smith, let me write that down. You hurry it up while we're standing here talking.

He's absconding with my $343. $343. Let me write that down. Oh, Nellie, now I've got to start all over. What's the matter now? I forgot to put in some carbon paper. Oh! Peash your the slowest, most inefficient, most aggravating bungler I ever saw.

Besides that, you're an old poof. Let me write that down. How do you spell food? Never mind. I'll do it myself. Goodbye. That marshal is a big help. I'll drive over to Sigmund City and catch and seersam myself.

My little ol' Essex will get me there in no time. Oh, here we are. Ugh, ugh, ugh. Gotta get that seat spring fixed. Come on, Essie. There she goes. Darn it. Same old trouble.

Same old trouble, chicken feathers in the gasoline. I would buy another gallon of gas from Charlie that gets rid of those lige horns. As she's got asthma. What am I gonna do? Wonder where I can borrow a car.

Hello, her boy. Have a motor car trouble again? Oh, Doc, in that silly horse and buggy. Oh, there, silver moon. Silver moon? She looks like she's in an eclipse. Hey, Harold, I just heard you're in a little trouble.

But, uh, sincere followers skipped out on ya, eh? Yes, yes. Yeah. I warned you about trusting human beings. Now, if you'd give that money to a chipmunk. Alright, uh. I'm in a hurry. Oh, where you going?

Sigmund City, I gotta catch some seer Sam. Oh, man, hun. Will you better get there and hurry? I know that. Well, Herod, I wouldn't do this for everybody, but since speed is of the essence, I'm gonna let you take my horse and buggy.

Oh, that's real nice of you, Doc. And I want to get there this week. Why, silver moves the fastest buggy horse in town? She's the only buggy horse in town. Well, if you want to split horse hairs, yeah, as she's a fine animal, over front and back.

It's not a front and back that worries me, Doc. It's that sag in the middle. That's where you ought to put the buggy. Oh, now you've got to hurt her feelings, Harold. Oh, he didn't mean it's silver moon.

Oh, my goodness. Doc, I appreciate your offer. Okay, Herod, it's your loss. Silver Moon's got a fine background. Ex-Polo Pony, its race horse, used to be cavalry horse. First World War. Went over the top of Chateau theory.

How does he ever get over the top of that beer belly? Oh! Well, come on, Silver Moon. I guess we're not wanting to hear it. Doc, wait a minute. I'll take your offer. Silver Moon ought to be able to make it a Sigmund City.

It's all downhill. Come on, help me in this, buddy. Uh-uh, now watch the step. Yeah, there you are. Give you up, Silver Moon! So long, Doc! How long, Harold? Walk out for speed, Doc! Say, runs like a race horse at that.

Look at that knee action. This is better than my Essex, no shifting. Come on, Silver Moon, we'll get to Sigmund City before... Uh-oh, lumber yards on fire again. Silver Moon, what are you stopping for?

Oh, she's turning around, I better hang on. Sir, you're going the wrong way! Grace Horst's going! She's like a tenured! You should be a fire-horst! Oh, shut up! The honest herald you're through, you stalled around all day and now since Sir Sam has checked out of that hotel in Sigman City, the sunny side is 70 Club ruined by a shady character.

I'm sorry I let all you folks down. Please forgive me old friends. I was trying to do the right thing. Yes, you'll never have that clubhouse now. That's all my fault. Honest Harold, hemp. I despise you.

You deserve to go to jail. This is gonna be a great blow to my mother. Her only son in the penitentiary. Hello, mother. I'm home. Oh, I've been wondering where you were, Harold. And there's someone here waiting for you.

Who is it, Jay Edgar? I hear somebody come in by Hello Honors Tarrel. Sincere Sam. Where you been, boy? Where have I been? Now look here, Sincere Sam. I took a little trip, Honors Tarrel.

Over to Signum City. I took my money along and I bought out the sporting good section of the hardware store. And you should have seen the things he brought back, Harold. All kinds of games.

Horsesh huge, shuffleboard. What? Yes, yes. For the Sunnysiders Clubhouse. I kind of lost my head, I guess. You know, I even spent $50 on my own money there. You can't do too much for the old folks, you know.

Yeah. Honest Harold, I hope you weren't worried today about the money. Really? Nah. As a matter of fact, I took the day off and watched the lumberyard burn down. You have just heard the Harold Carey show, Honest Harold, who will return to you in just a moment with that very important message.

The supporting players tonight included Ken Peters, Katherine Card, Polly Bear, and featured Gloria Holliday as Gloria, Joseph Kearns as Old Doc Yak Yak, and Art Baker as Cinsier Sam. Norman McDonald directed and the music was composed and conducted by Jack Meakin.

Honest Herald, created by Harold Perry, was written by Gene Stone, Jack Robinson, and Dick Powell. Now back to Honest Herald. You know Bob, I'm hunting for a laughing lady. one we can invite to appear in our show. And what's more, fun than laughing Bob. And for the lady with a lucky laugh, there's going to be plenty of fun. Because when we find her,

we're going to put her on a TWA constellation in Flyer to Hollywood where she'll be my guest at the beautiful Country Club Hotel for a whole week here in Hollywood. And if we can lure away from the swimming pool, she's to appear with us on the Harold Perry show. And all the gal has to do for that vacation is just laugh. Right. And her laugh will enter in the Honest

That's your invitation, girls. If that big laugh contest is being conducted in your city, enter and you may be here whether some Wednesday night. Come on, girls. That's all that. This is Bob Le Mans speaking in Mrs. CBS.

Are you thrilled to suspend February Thursday night? The Columbia Broadcasting System.