The Harold Peary Show: Loses His Job at the Radio Station

The Harold Perry Show. And now, Harold Perry is Honest Harold the homemaker. The town of Melrose Springs boasts one radio station and one newspaper, both owned by an old boaster named Mr. Carutters.

One of the things he doesn't boast about is a radio program on his station called Honest Harold the homemaker. Why? Well, you'll find out. Listening to Honest Harold is a morning must in Melrose Springs, especially with the ladies.

Shall we join them? Good morning girls. Are you ready? Yeah, yeah, yeah. A woman likes to be told That her hair is fine as gold She may know that you're her feller But it's better when you tell her A woman likes to be told Yes indeed, time to visit with your old teller,

Honors Harold, the homemaker, bringing in news, views, and clues to good products. Yeah. By the way, girls, I have a very important announcement to make later in the program that concerns all of you, so please stand by.

But first, our postman, Little Billy, the mighty mite, and ex-jockey. Good morning, ladies. Hal Powell, the outstanding letter today is from a lady in Charlieville. Charlieville, eh? Well, thank you, Billy. Hey, now let's see.

He says that, last week I started trading with a different grocer. When the boy arrived at the delivery I asked him his name. He said Truman. I said, is that your last name? He said, yes ma'am, my first name is Harry.

Harry Truman I said? That's a pretty well known name. He said, it ought to be I've been delivering groceries around here for four years. And now girls, let's get serious for a moment. The other day a very high-pressure salesman in California sold me on the idea of introducing a new shampoo product on this program.

Because it was new and not fully tried and tested, I asked all you ladies to accept a free sample and then report to me. Since then I've tried it and I've had numerous complaints from you girls, so I'm cancelling the account right now.

I'm mad. I may get into a little trouble about this, but I want you to know that Grandma Llewellins liquid lather shampoo will never be mentioned on this program as long as I have anything to say about it.

Good morning, station cage JP. What's that, madam? After listening to Honest Terrell, you're pouring your grandma, the well, and liquid lather shampoo down the drain. I'll tell him. No, I don't think it'll hurt the drain.

Thanks for draining. I need for calling. Hello, station cage. Oh, hello Rosemary. Little O'Gluia was just about to call you. Did you hear on his Terrell's program this morning? Well, he just went off the air in between you and me.

It's liable to be for the last time. Boss Corutus called his nephew, Mr. Peabody. And Mr. Peabody is going to call Harold, and oh, here comes Harold out of the studio. I'll call you back.

Well, good morning, Glory. Did you hear my program this morning? Yes, I did, Mr. Ham. And Mr. Peabody heard it, too. He was eating his breakfast at the time. Oh? He choked on his yogurt.

Did you? He did, eh? Oh, my goodness. Well, you know my policy, Gloria. I test all my products before I... By the way, did you test that new product for me over the weekend? Oh yes, I spent the entire weekend sunbathing.

Good. Out of that freckle cream workout. Oh, just wonderful. Got a whole new crop of freckles. Yes. Gloria, you're a fine guinea pig. Thank you, kind sir. Well, see you tomorrow, same time, same station.

I hope so. Yeah, what? Mr. Peabody wants to see you in his office right away. Is he in there now? I'm afraid so I can hear him tapping his fingers. I know what you mean.

Well, that's radio. Give and take. Only so far I haven't found many will take what I have to give. What's your name? Well, hold the phone and keep your lines crossed. Don't I, Roy? Good luck.

Yeah, thanks. She's a nice kid. Well, here goes nothing. Maybe I was a little hasty about canceling that shampoo account and right on the air like that. I don't know, though. My listeners objected to the stuff.

Besides, I tried it yesterday and took all the wave out of my hair. There. No, sir. I did the right thing. And I'm going to walk right in and tell Mr. P-Body to... Hmm. Well, maybe I better peek through the keyhole first.

But a big shot, Stanley P-Body, so much as raises his voice to me. Oh! Whoa! Thank you for opening the door. Well, drop in. I almost did. I'm glad you're in such a jovial mood.

It may help you digest what I've been discussing with my uncle Mr. Carothers. Sit down. This new furniture ain't nice. Yes, look about you. This fine radio station. station. Thousands upon thousands of dollars were spent directing these handsome studios.

Chief cement. The finest electrical engineers designed our possible transmitters. Mr. Carruthers even hired me at great expense to run the organization. Relative. And you. You come along and nullify it all. Nullify. Now hold on Pee-bod. You're the one that better try to hold on to your job. You're on probation. Probation? Yes. You've gone

about as far as you can, making the decisions around here. It's got to stop. Stop. Do you hear? The only way I could hear it any better, chum, is if you were sitting in my lap.

This idea of canceling an advertiser without consoling the management of this station has got to stop. Well, stop. I'm sorry, Stanley, but I must uphold my principles. Your principles? What about this radio station? What's going to hold us up?

Not this cheap cement, brother. You've done a lot of unconventional things in your time, but what possible justification did you have to cancel that shampoo account. Well, my listeners complained about it. And just what great fault did your listeners find with the shampoo?

Well, there's one little woman put it. There's too much shampoo. Well, there's no good. Why did you accept it in the first place? Well, we wouldn't have accepted it. Honest Harold, you've made Mr. Carrothers very angry.

You've made me very angry, too. You ruined my breakfast this morning. I'm sorry you choked on your yogurt. I mean... Please! Now listen to me! Harold, if you must crusade, why don't you go after something worthwhile?

Such as lowering taxes! A tax is too high? Or try to do something to better Melrose Springs. I'll give you an example. Mrs. Carothers, my aunt, who you know, is the political leader among the women of this town is planning to run me for mayor.

Now, why don't you convince your listeners that I should be their next mayor? I thought you wanted me to do something to better mail rose springs. Ooh! Get out! And remember, you've got one more chance.

But stand out before I do something that'll put me in true detective magazine! Guess I'd better go. That's murder. True detective magazine. That's me, buddy. I'd like to condense his head for Reader's Digest. Only if they wouldn't buy it.

What a fine mayor he'll make. Why didn't I fight back? I don't have to take that sort of talk from anybody. My 1936S6 is almost paid for. This is a free country. I said I don't want to be so free I don't have a job.

I've got responsibilities. There's mother, little Billy. Gotta keep little Billy with me or you'll drift back to the race tracks. Hey there, crooner! Oh, hello, dog. Talking to yourself, aren't you? And that's better than talking to some people I know.

I always did before animals to people. Yeah, I know, Doc. In fact, that's why I became a veterinarian instead of an MD. Animals are more considered. I never did have a horse called me in the middle of the night unless it was serious.

Yeah, you're a wonderful Doc. Can I drop you anyplace? Well, I'm heading home. Fine, hop in. I just came downtown to get some dog biscuits. Have one? Better take two, they're small. No, thank you.

Cram full of vitamins. They don't crackle or pop, but they got plenty of snip. Doc, don't tell me you eat those things. No, I just give them to my dogs. Only things that'll keep them from barking during your radio program.

I'd like to feed some of those dog biscuits to Stanley Peabody. He looks like an erudible. You and Stanley don't get along too well, do you? Well, not many fellas do when they're in love with the same girl.

I guess not. If Stanley could get me out of the way, he'd probably marry a ballina. Can't understand what you two see in that niece of mine. All she is is young and pretty. Yeah, she's beautiful.

Well, all her scanches are. She's domineer, no. Why, she even tells old man-cuddlers how to run his newspaper. If I had a secretary like that, I'd marry her if she'd have me. Ah, she's taking care of me, the twins, and all the stray dogs and cats I'm treating.

I don't know, she's got room for one more. Huh? What? Besides my nephew from Cleveland's planning to visit us. Oh. Quite a fellow that boy. Makes $45 a week when he's not striking. Well, this is a fine time for me to be thinking about getting married, Doc.

I'm about to lose my job. What? Again? Yeah, serious this time. In fact, Mr. Corothers had Stanley put me on probation. He says if I want to crusade, got to get behind some community project.

What are you slowing down for? Is this spring wagging out of gas? Oh no, this is the school zone, Doc. Oh yeah. See, if you want a good community project, son, how about getting the town to build a livery stable?

A livery stable? There aren't any horses in this town? Well, that might bring them back. Get some of these cars off the streets. Devil's plaything. No, Doc. They're just an old, funny duddy. Oh, say, watch out for that little kid.

What? I'll drive around. Hang on, Doc. Oh. Made it. Flair Harley. Up on the curb. And I suspect only three tires left. Certainly close. Look at that scally-wag run for the schoolhouse. I bet he's scared.

He's scared. There ought to be a policeman on this corner. See, Doc? I'm getting an idea. Let me out. I'm getting a horse. horse. It took me all day to contact the school principals that they're all behind me. I just can't wait to tell Eve a line about this. I hope the dear little twin sisters have gone

to bed. Old Doc Yak Yak too. Dear old Doc. I wonder if the old boy sleeps standing up like a horse. Well thank you, Emmy. Lovely dress. Thank you. I was hoping you'd drop over. I've been worried. I understand you had some trouble at the radio station. Yeah I did.

But today I hit on a plan that'll make Mr. Carothers approve of me. Well take it from his secretary Harold. It'll have to be quite an idea. Oh this is. I'm gonna start a radio campaign to put a policeman in every corner of every schoolhouse so that our children can cross our streets. Oh that's a wonderful idea Harold. Is Mr.

Carothers enthused? Well I haven't spoken to Mr. Carothers yet. I gotta call in for Stanley to call me here. Hey what's that you're doing? Oh I'm proofreading a series of articles that Mr. Carruthers wrote for his Sunday editorial.

It's on one of his pet subjects, lip reading. Lip reading? He's a bit deaf, you know. Deaf too? Oh. Well, I discovered that you can learn a lot about people by not pitching their lips.

Well, a fella doesn't like to just watch some lips. Yeah, be heavy. Oh, Harold. You know, I've been practicing lip reading here in front of the mirror. Mirror? Wouldn't it be more fun practicing with something not quite so cold. Nice live chubby assistant. I'm available here.

All right. Now you watch how my lips form the words. Oh brother, I'm watching. Now after me make the lips form a simple word like rhubarb. Rhubarb. Well, this is silly. So it isn't? Let me have some merit. Let's see now. It's my turn now. You form a word with me ready?

Say prunes alright That wasn't fair nobody was mighty tasty Evey. It's strange that lip readings should make me think of marriage, but now that I'm sure my job again, it's... Oh, that must be Stanley now.

Yeah, he timed it well. I'll get it. Hello? Is that you, him? Did you call me? Yes, I did, Stanley. I've taken your advice. Oh, really? Your suggestion about crusading to Better Melrose Springs? I want you to tell Mr. Carruthers about it.

Oh, I certainly will. You mean about deciding to back me for mayor? Oh, no, no, my idea is to have a policeman on every corner at every school. What? A policeman on every corner. Him, do you realize that there are four schools in this town and that there are four comforts at each school?

That's 60 in additional policemen. Eight, twelve, sixteen, he's right. Sixteen policemen. Do you know what that means? It means safety for our school children. It means higher taxes. And you know who pays most of the taxes in this town?

Well, Mr. Carruthers, of course. Exactly. And what may I ask is wrong if the suggestion I gave you. You mean the back you from Ayers? Certainly. Well Stanley is one of my lady listeners, so aptly put it, too much sham and not enough poo.

That did it. To coin a phrase, my dear boy, you've reached the end of your rope. Hip! Hey, that's kind of clever. What? You're on the fire! Fire! But Stanley! I guess he didn't like my idea.

Are you finished, Hal? Yeah, I sure am. Well, mother always said, it's important to have an open mind, but I've got a hole in my head. We'll return for the second act of our story, Honest Harold, in just a moment.

But first, be listening later tonight when Horace Heit presents the cream of the town that he's found in his journeys around and about America. The Horace Heit original youth opportunity program has heard every Sunday on most of these same CBS stations.

And now back to the Harold Perry show. We're back in Honest Harold's hometown Melrose Springs. It's the next day and we find ourselves at the radio station. Little Billy the mighty might has just stepped out of the elevator with a very large bag of mail and is making his way to the reception desk.

Hi, beautiful. Well, here I am with the mail. Say, could I talk to you in playing a little post office? Billy, how can you make jokes at a time like this? Well, it is a little lorry, Gloria.

No, I mean, hasn't Harold told you? I should know. Well, I guess he didn't want to worry you. But he isn't the homemaker here anymore. What? He's been replaced with an organ recital. Hey! I gotta see him! Where did he go?

Home to mother, I guess. Oh... Stop worrying. Everything happens for the best. Yes, mother. By the way, it's nice having lunch at home like this began for change. Don't you want a little dessert, Harold?

I think I've had enough lunch, mother. I'm trying to keep my weight down, you know. Oh, you're not too fast? Oh, yes, I am. The last time I took a train trip and got into an upper, it immediately became a lower.

Oh, you're just healthy-looking. But you won't be if you don't stop worrying and eat more. You can save my dessert for little Billy. There you go. Always thinking about other people. Now, take me, for instance.

You? Yes, I hold you back. A nice boy like you should be married and have a home of his own. A man deserves those things when he's touching 40. I'm not touching 40, mother. I'm beating the living daylights out of it.

Besides, I couldn't do without you. Well, I'm off. Where are you having a program anymore? I found a program, mother. I'm going down to the Hoover School. If the city won't hire extra policemen, I'll direct traffic there.

Oh, that sounds wonderful, my boy. But here, if you're going to school, I'd better wrap up your dessert. Tell him but mother. Now, Harold, remember how hungry you always got when you went to school?

Here's your pie. Pie? Yes, lemon chiffon. Good mother, remember my diet? Lemon is on your diet. Yeah, there. There's is not to make reply. There's is not to reason why. There's but to do and die.

I guess I'll take the piece of pie. Oh dear, what am I going to do with this piece of eye? Can't hold it in my hand while I'm directing traffic. Oh, well, I'll eat it. Wonderful. Good crust. Mmm, your old mother.

She really thinks I ought to get married. Er, er, married to Ebby. That'd be wonderful. Never lyin' won't you pay a little mind to that moon, Never lyin' Can't you hear that little old Bob bleeds?

Never lyin' as she's so pretty. She can't cook as well as mother, but that's good, I can stay on my diet. What about mother and little Billy? If you Billy could be our babysitter. Oh baby.

Ehh. I don't want a large family. Five would be enough. Oh, but here I am dreaming again. Ever even got a job. Probably have to leave Melrose Springs. Hey, do I get a job in television?

I could be a test pattern. Every is probably married Stanley Peabody then. Well, he's gonna be mayor. She'd like that. Mrs. Mayor Peabody, oh, brother. Hey! How! Oh, little Billy, I'm gonna see you now walk fast and lose that little jockey.

Hey! Where are you off and running? Oh, hello, little Billy. What's this I hear about you being scratched? Scratched? Yeah! Deploy it! Fire! Billy, must you always use that racetrack lingo? You got everybody in this town doing it.

Sure. I'm getting to be a favorite here. There you go again. Hey, do you want me to take care of this, Peabody? I'll put a burr under his saddle and I'll ride him into the rail.

Now, Billy, you promised me when you came to live with us here in Melrose Springs that you wouldn't get in any trouble. But you got a lot of good races left in you. You ain't letting them send you to the glue factory?

You... Now, Billy... Come on, we'll fight Carothers and Peabody. You and me will pool our forces. Excuse me, Billy, but that's no pool. That's a bird bath. Besides, Billy, I don't want to fight anybody.

They did turn down my school plan, but I still think I was right. So I'm going to the Hoover School myself. You mean you're going to direct traffic? Sure, somebody's going to help those children across the street.

Well, people may think he's running you out of the money. Oh, these no's ain't crossed the way yet. See you later. Billy, what are you up to? Me nothing. Excuse me, I got to see a host doctor about a stubborn mule.

The host doctor about a mule? Well, that sounds logical. Dr. Yang, she's speaking, it's your nickel star talker. But I'm in consultation with the patient. Hey, him. Yeah, I'm clipping a sheet. Well, okay, I'll be there in a minute.

Things are never the same again if you have a phone put in. I'll share you later. Come along, infants. Scoot across while I have the car stopped. Don't stand there looking at me. Come on. Scoot.

Yeah, that's it. Hello, Joey. How'd you, Mommy? Hehehehe. Alright, you in that hot rod and proceed with caution. Pull in that pipe, brother. Hehehehe. Alright, children, let's cross right away and let's look where we're going now, huh?

That's it, that's it. Alright, Mr. You're next, you're next. Oh, so you, I think. I wonder what he said. I wish I did know something about lip-reedy. Thank you for waiting for the children, ma'am.

Wonder if she's got a license. Well, I kind of like this kind of work. Maybe I missed my calling. I guess I'm just a frustrated policeman. Getting kind of quiet though. Imagine all the classes have been dismissed.

Seems to be the last of the kiddies. Can I cross now, Constable? Hello, Doc. How are you getting along with your new job? Well, that's a big job and I thought it was going to be.

I think I need a whistle. Well, if you wait until that new third grade teacher walks by, I'll buy a whistle for you. Don't remember your age. I never have to. Everybody else does. Anyway, the children have all gone home.

I think I'll go too. Oh, wait a minute, Harold. I just got here. Why don't you stick around for a while? Show me your stuff. Oh, no, no. I'm all finished here. Well, there may be another kid or two around playing behind the school.

I don't think so, Doc. Well, besides, isn't it about the time that Mrs. Carruthers drive Stanley Peabody by here on the way home? Well, yes, it is nearly four o'clock, and they do it every day.

What if I was you? I'd stick around and that Stanley see you donating your services to the down like this? Huh? Well, I'd make him mighty ashamed for himself. Eh, I doubt that, Doc. Anyway, let's let bygone and be bygone.

Well, you stick to that attitude, and it won't be long... Say, who's that up starting at station, why? Looks like Mrs. Carruthers' car. Yeah, she's traveling pretty fast. Yeah, too fast. Say, look at that child in that cowboy suit.

Where did he come from? Hey, he's going to run across the street. He can't see you on the count of that big hat he's wearing. Little boy, don't run out there on the street. Oh, he's coming.

He's failed. Stop. Stop that car. Don't jump in front of that car. Stop. Close. Is that you, Mr. Ham? Yes, Mrs. Garrothers. Is the child all right? Yeah, he's okay. Look at him, he's street through those voyage.

What are you doing standing out there standing on the street, Ham? What does it look like, Stanley? I've been directing traffic. Somebody's got to do it. How much to him? How can I ever thank you?

You kept me from hitting that youngster. That's why I was here. This is a dangerous spot. There should be policemen on these corners to act as crossing guards. You're so right, Mrs. Carruthers. Something should be done immediately.

With him, why don't you campaign for it on your wonderful radio program? Well, I don't have a radio program anymore. What? Stanley fired me. What's this, Stanley? How, and I just take orders for Mr. Carruthers.

Well, Mr. Corrades takes orders from me. How bad he does it that. Mr. Hymn, you've been re-hired. I have? Yes. But it may not be for long. Well, it won't. But a long time now, we've needed an honest man in Melrose Springs, one who is interested in our city and our children.

When the women voters of Melrose Springs meet tomorrow, I'm going to submit your name for mayor. Me, Mayor? Sir, not right here is your boy, ma'am. What are you? And I thought you were going to support me.

Hmm, we support you anyway. Ha! Oh, that's your corner. Yeah. Doc, Mrs. Corrothers, do you think I'm really qualified? I don't think I want to be, ma'am. Now, don't argue with me, young man. You're as good as elected.

Stanley, close your mouth and let's go home. Good boy, all in favor. Hey, goodbye, Mrs. Carunters! Well, isn't she, says we... Yeah, well, that turned out slick, didn't it? Doc, it couldn't have been planned better.

Yep. Ooh. What'd you say? You can tell little Billy to come out from behind those bushes now. Shucks. That kid. Yeah, we thought that little hop-along Cassidy suit was a perfect disguise. Well, I've been thinking, nobody but a jockey could take a fall like that, roll over and come up on his feet running.

I'll be real upset with both of you. That wasn't honest, fellas. No, that was politics. And with us behind you, you'll be mayor before you know it. Mayor, eh? Well... Good night, voters. You've just heard the Harold Perry show, Honors Terrell.

Supporting players included Jerry Merren, Ken Peters, Doris Singleton, Katherine Card, and Lois Portbitt. and Lois Corbett, and featured Gloria Holliday as Gloria and Joseph Kern's old Doc Yak Yak. Norman McDonald directed and the music was composed and conducted by Jack Meakin.

William Danche contributed additional dialogue to Mr. Perry's original script. Hit the jackpot previously heard at this time as moved to CBS on Tuesday night on most of the same CBS station. Be listening this next Tuesday night for Bill Cullen and Hit the Jackpot, won't you?

Stay tuned for Percy Faith and his Pause at Refresher's Music which follows immediately on most of these same stations. This is C.D.F. The call to charge you a third on Sunday night. Alum mia broadcasting to...