Let George Do It: Cousin Jeff and the Pigs

Your neighborhood chevron gas station invites you to... ...let George do it! Brought to you by the makers of climate-tailored chevron supreme gasoline and RPM compounded motor oil. When George Valentine got out of the army, he had an idea and just enough money to set up a small office and put an ad in the paper,

offering his services as a dog walker, a crime solver, a wife spanker, or whatever a client wants done. So far he's met with fair success. He's had plenty of clients, but not all of them paid off.

That hasn't discouraged George. He's an optimist. Right now he's striding up to the side door of his office, the door that lets him into his private office without going through his waiting room. Hi, good morning, Sonny.

Sonny. Claire. Hey, where is everybody? Everybody. Oh, it's more. Valentine, we were in the waiting room. We've been kind of busy. I've been taking him up and down the elevator. He never rode in one before.

And now Claire's pointing out the tall building. Look, look, wait a minute, Sonny. Slow down with you. What are you talking about? You're a new client. Oh, have I got a new client? Yes, sir.

And this is his first visit to the city. Oh, great. Where's he from? Three oaks. Three oaks. Say that sound familiar. Oh, I bet you'll like him, Mr. Valentine. He's very nice. Three oaks. Oh, I know.

My mother had some cousins living in three years. in three old his name is Jeff Williams Jeff William cousin Jeff hey is he your cousin yeah that's right haven't seen him in 25 years he's probably married and has a dozen kids is he really your cousin Mr. Valentine like he isn't a bit like

you he's very nice thanks a lot Sonny all right carry out with the office work I'll see you about cousin Jeff yes sir good morning Claire well cousin Jeff hello cousin George say it's been a long time Jeff how are you I never felt better in my life George your cousin was telling me this is a good first visit to the city

Mr. Valentine that's how sit down Jeff or after you ma'am oh thank you Mr. you're welcome ma'am well I guess you're surprised to see me George I've been looking forward to this trip for a long time at that farm sort of kept me tied down but Jeff how did you know where to find me am I famous even at three oh I

I saw your advertisement, George. I have the newspapers mailed to me. Roll route four. Oh, I see. Well, what's on your mind, Jeff? Well, it's like this. I had a little extra egg money put aside.

Egg money. Mr. William passed chickens. He sells the eggs. Oh, my chickens are sure good to me this year. I figure after I pay him a hotel bill, I'll have about $100 for you, George.

What do you mean? Why give me $100? I would like this, George. I like my farm. You know, I was born raised there, but It's pretty lonesome. Especially winter. Ah-ha-ha. I'm way ahead of you, Jeff.

You want me to find you a wife? Oh, I'll figure I'm doing my own court. Only trouble. I can't find a girl at court. Really, Mr. Williams? Well, you see, ma'am, most of the women in three yokes is already married and those that aren't her's spoken for.

Oh, I find the girl in your court. Well, that's fair enough. But I got a meter by Wednesday and I got to get back home after starting with Cornhusking. Did you have any special type of mind?

Well, hope you'll forgive me, Miss Brooks, but I like a pretty girl like Miss Brooks. Claire? Claire, what are you doing next Wednesday? I quit. Well, don't worry, Jeff. I'm sure I can help you.

Well, there's only one other thing, George. She's got to be a girl who loves my little Delores. Delores? You know, all her brothers and sisters. All her brothers and sisters, how many have you got?

57. 57 children? No 57 pigs pigs. He raised his pigs, mr. Valentine I hope you won't think I'm loony, but those pigs mean a lot to me. I'm fond of them and they're fond of me Oh, okay Jeff just leave everything to me. I'll find a girl for you. All right someone who loved Dolores and all her brothers and sisters all

57 of them I want to bother you with questions mr. Valentine, but what are we doing here working for our new client? I promised I'd find him a girl tonight. Do you expect to find her in this alley?

Well, this alley leads to the stage door entrance. Stage door. A show girl? Sure, why not? She's got to be pretty. And I'll bet these girls are sick of the bright lights. They'd probably give their eye teeth to settle down on a farm.

What are you gonna do? Catch them on the shoulder and say, pardon me, but do you like pigs? No, of course not. I'm gonna be subtle about this. I'll tell them I'm an inquiring reporter.

You get it, Claire? No, but it doesn't matter. Oh, it's 540. The man is over a half hour ago. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Here we go. Here they come now. Say, there's a beauty. Yeah, she'll do. Oh, Miss. Miss. Oh, wait a minute, please.

It was a date. My mother don't let me go out on no date. Besides, I'm book solids for two months. Oh, no, no. I'm the inquiring reporter. I just want to ask you a question. Would you mind telling me, what's your favorite animal? My favorite animal?

Mink. Mink. Yeah, Mink. My mother likes Ermin. Oh, I see. Well, thanks a lot. Maybe you could get Mr. Williams to raise Mink instead of Higgs. Oh, now I'll try and ruin that this time.

Oh, a miss. Miss. Alright, give me a pencil and I'll give you my autograph. Oh, no, thanks. That's not it. You see, I'm the inquiring reporter and I'd like to ask you a question if you have a minute.

Shoot. What's your favorite animal? Male. Male. Male. Oh, I see. Well, thanks a lot. Is that all? Yes, Miss. Thanks. That's plenty. If you'd like an interview for your paper and pictures, I'm at the Brayton Hotel.

I see. Well, I'll give you a buzz. And if a man's voice answers, Don't hang up. That's me. Why not the breaking book? Alright, alright. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Oh Mr. Valentine, look at this.

Coming towards us. The baby doll type. Huh? Huh? Oh, uh, this, this. You mean little O.M.E.? Yeah, that's right. Little O.U. They call me Kathy Phillips. What do they call you? Well, they call me the inquiring reporter.

And I'd like to ask you a question if you don't mind. Oh, I think that's just dying, have you? What do you want to know? Well, I wish you'd tell me. What's your favorite animal?

My favorite animal? That's right. That was not too rare. I promise. Brush your heart, hope to die. Hope to die. Well, then don't you dare tell us all that I'm just mad about piggy. Oh, well, that's a nice thing.

Piggy! Claire! Claire! We found her! Ha ha! Now, will you be patient, Jeff? I think I found the right girl for you. She's small. She's pretty. She's blonde. Blah does she like pigs? She likes pigs the girls mad about pigs. She sounds like the one I've been looking for all right When can I meet her cousin George? Why she's in my office right now. I'll arrange a date for you tonight

You can take her out to dinner dinner See maybe I better get my haircut Yeah, you do that Jeff and I'll call you later. Goodbye. Bye Sonny Sonny Send Kathy Phillips in here. What do I want to talk to her? Okay Mr. Valentine, Mr. Valentine wants to see you.

Mr. Valentine? Yes, and I'm Cathy. I want to talk to you. He has some sort of contact. Is that what this is all about? Never mind. You'll find out soon enough. Cathy, do you like farms?

Oh, Mr. Valentine, I adore farms. Of course, I've never been on a farm, but then when you adore something, why you just adore it, that's the whole. Oh, yeah. Well, it doesn't matter. Just so you like pigs.

Can you cook? Cook? You need to make up things in the kitchen? Yeah, that's sort of the idea. Oh, I don't think anyone can mix up things in the kitchen like I can. Yeah, I'll bet.

Well, never mind. Just so you like pigs. I brought my collection down for you to see Mr. Valentine. Collection? What collection? It's in this box. Go ahead, open it. Well, what is it? Oh, they don't hurt you, silly. Go on, open it.

All right, I'll bite. What in the name of heaven are these? I told you, I just adore a piggy. Great Caesar's Ghost. Piggy Banks! Piggy Banks. Well, how was I to know? When she said piggies, I thought it was just her baby talk.

She's gone over a hundred piggy banks, Mr. Valentine. I counted her. Never mind the piggy banks. We got to do something. Good afternoon, that George do it. Hello, Miss Brooks. How are you? Oh, fine, Jeff. Just a minute.

Oh, I got a storm. Hello, Jeff. I have food to ask you about my day tonight, cousin George. Oh, now look, Jeff, you'll have to be patient. She can't make it tonight. Oh, shucks. I had my hair cut.

Well, Jeff, it'll keep. She'll have dinner with you tomorrow night. Now, this girl is worth waiting for. I don't want a rusher, but I have to get back to start my corn husk. Yeah, you'll make it. Now, don't worry. Goodbye, Jeff.

Goodbye. Mr. Valentine, I don't like this. Jeff is too nice to try to put something over on him. Now, Claire, what are you talking about? Kathy's a wonderful girl. Yeah, but Mr. Valentine, she won't know anymore about pigs tomorrow night than she does right now.

right now oh yes she will because you two are going out of the library and pick up all the books they have on page then what do we do it you see to it that Kathy reads them what makes you think she can read then you read them to her take it to your apartment spend all day and all night if you have to but I want that

girl to know everything there is to know about pigs you understand now get going Chandler bookshop hello this is sunny book is it too late to send out some books to us right away I know I don't believe so we went through all they had in the She still doesn't know anything about pigs.

Pigs? Yeah. Send us everything you've got. Send it to apartment 5306 Sharp Street. What street to spell that please? Sharp. Asses and swine. H's and hogs. A's and animal. Ours and ribs. And P is in pigs' feet.

Where's that weightless? Why doesn't she take our order? All that talk about pigs made me hungry. Oh, never mind, Sonny. She'll get around with Sue. Now come on, Kathy, name a different kind to pig.

Oh, Clem, such a tire, little old thing. Now, Kathy, Mr. Valentine has big plans for you. But you've got to know your pig. Well, let me see. There's the actual pig. They've got the dahlia's little fat solo rhythm.

Hey, that's not right, does it, Clem? Kathy, Yorkshire or White? You mean the spotted pole in China. Its head is rugged, medium in length, and slightly dished in the profile. Oh, Clem, you use such big words.

I can't stand this little old jelly. I wasn't very smart in school. I never will forget the trouble I had in fifth grade. You got to the fifth grade? If you could only talk to someone who really knows hey.

Well, what'll it be folks? Can I take your order? You order for us, Sonny? Well, we might as well stay in the spirit. We better have the best pork chops from great big pigs. Oh, the best pork chops come from the medium tide, like the Berkshire and the Hampshire.

Hey, Claire, listen to our waitress. I was raised on a farm. Well, what will people never mind the food? Just tell this girl everything you know about pig. Yeah, and please use words of only one syllable.

Come on, come on, open up, open up. Hey, where is everybody? Oh, it's you. Oh, good morning, Claire. Come in. Did I wake you? Wait me. I haven't been to bed yet. Well, you can sleep tonight.

Say, how's our pupil getting along? I don't know about Kathy, but whenever I close my eyes I see pigs. Yorkshire, Berkshire, Hampshire, Durham. Hey, you know your pigs, all right. Oh, Mr. Valentine. Oh, good morning, Sonny. Where's Kathy?

She's still learning her lines. Her lines? What are you talking about? Well, we finally hit on a system that works with her. We pretend she's playing a part in a show. You know, we write the lines and she learns them.

I'll show you. Kathy? Oh, Kathy. Oh, I'm telling you. Oh, Mr. Valentine, it's you. Yep, little old me. Go ahead, Kathy. Resight for her. All right. The poem in China has a hand that is rugged in appearance, medium and length, and slightly fished in the profile.

Well, that's wonderful, marvelous, tremendous. Jeff will be the happiest man in three years. Jeff? Who's Jeff? Oh, sit down, Kathy. The time has come for us to have a little talk. Oh, I just adore that, Mr. Valentine.

Kathy, how would you like to settle down on a little farm? A farm with 57 pigs. I think they'd be just darling. Could I name them? Oh sure, sure, of course. Now look, Kathy, I'm not promising you anything, understand?

But you'll have dinner with him tonight. Dinner? Oh, I am fine with eating. Oh, yeah, I'll bet. Now you meet him, he meets you. The rest is up to you too. Oh, what do you mean, Mr. Valentine?

Well, I mean, if he likes you and you like him, then you make your own plan. I'm just sort of bringing you together. That's all. Arranging a date for the night. About that date, Mr. Valentine, I'm afraid I won't be able to keep it.

You won't. Why not? I hate to disappoint you, Mr. Valentine. Why? What's wrong? Well, I'm afraid he might not like it. Who might not like it? My husband. You're a husband. You've got a husband?

Well, of course, didn't I tell you? He's just the sweetest little old thing. He collects piggy banks too. George certainly finds himself in an embarrassing situation now. At least figuring out an answer. I'd like to have a little talk with you.

little talk with you. You know, most folks are alike. We all enjoy doing business with the neighborhood grocer, the drugist, or the hardware man who gives us a friendly smile when we come in. Kind of a chap who asks about the kids when he wraps up our package. That's one reason why many folks like to trade at Home-owned Chevron gas station. They're run

by local men who've made good, friendly, capable fellows who know most everyone in town and know their cars equally well. They're all mighty nice people to do business with. That's why you always feel at home when you stop at a chevron gas station.

There's another thing you can count on finding at chevron gas stations. They all carry that climate-tailored chevron supreme gasoline and RPM-compounded motor oil. All of them honor your chevron credit card too. So whenever you're on a trip, make it a habit to stop at chevron gas station.

George found a girl for his client, all right. Kathy was small, pretty and blonde, and she learned all about pig. There was only one catch. Kathy was already married. Now George, Claire, and Sonny are still in Claire's apartment.

Why didn't you ask her if she was married? Well, I didn't think about it. The most important thing of all, and you didn't think about it. Well, it just didn't occur to me. I did mention settling down on a farm.

But you didn't mention the farmer? Oh, I forgot. It slipped my mind. Oh, fine. Wonderful. And after all, we went through teaching her about pig. Yeah. Well, I can't even bear to look at bacon.

And when I sleep, I don't snore anymore. I just go wank going. Oh, it's not even going to get out of here. Okay, I think it's not worth it. Now, Claire, what are we going to do?

Jeff is supposed to fool me here, and I'm supposed to have the date all set. What do I tell him now? That's your problem, Mr. Valentine. I wash my hands for the whole thing. Oh, now, Claire, don't say that.

Jeff's been looking forward to this trip for years. If I can't get him a bride, well, at least I can get him a dinner date. Besides, there's a hundred dollars. Claire you don't think I'd accept money for my own cousin you make me sound like a heel well That must be Jeff you talk. Oh no talk to him yourself. Take your medicine like a man. Oh fine secretary. I've got hello

Oh, hello, Jeff. I got another haircut cousin George Another haircut that's great. What about my date for tonight? You know I've got to get back to the farm tomorrow. Well, you see it's like this Jeff You see, this girl knows her pigs, all right.

Fine, that'll give us something to talk about. Oh, she knows all about pigs. And you see, well, this girl is very pretty. I'm anxious to meet her. And you see, this girl is... Married. Stop it.

Stop what? No, not you. You see, Jeff, it's like this. I... Oh, wait a minute. What's the matter? What's the matter? Why can't you have dinner with her? Me? Oh, no, you don't. What'd you say, cousin George?

What, you're beautiful? I am. And you know about pigs? Well I ought to, I was raised with them. Well how about it? You'd hand me over for a measly hundred dollars. Oh now don't get dramatic, it's just a dinner date.

Well it's more than just a dinner date. It's more than just a dinner date and you know it. Now look, it's his first trip to the city and he's my cousin. How can I let him down?

Let who down? You know he likes you. Remember he said he wanted me to girl just like you. Like who? You'd sell your own grandmother for a hundred dollars. Who's grandmother? Oh grandma's fine, thank you George.

On a listen, Claire, all you have to do is have dinner with him. Is that too much to ask of you? All right, I'll do it. You will have dinner with him? We're home. I'll have a lot of dinners with him.

I always wanted to live on a farm. Claire? Tell your cousin to get a haircut and meet me at Piers. It sure is nice of you to have dinner with me, Claire. It's nice of you to think it's nice of me.

I won't try to figure that out. No. I like it. You like what? Your haircut. Yeah, I had it cut twice. See, maybe we ought to eat something. Yeah, sounds like a good idea. Let's see what's on this bill affair.

Oh. What's the matter? They don't spell very good. Oh, it's in French. You know, that's one thing I didn't learn on the farm. Never mind, Jeff. I don't like this place anyway. It's much too expensive.

Oh, that's all right. You're forgetting about my egg money. Now look, those chickens didn't go to all that trouble just so you could throw your money away on me. Come on. Oh, well, we go.

There's a restaurant in my neighborhood that has good food and a cheap too. See, you're saving my money for me already. How I ever be able to thank Cousin's Jordan. You won't have to thank him. Just give him the hundred dollars. That's all he's interested in.

Come on, Jeff. Let's go someplace where they know how to spell. Oh, honey, honey, wake up. Sonny, you are true, Bertrand. I'm sure you're full and giant. Sonny! Oh! The player isn't home yet. I've been sitting here waiting for it to come back.

What time is it? Three o'clock. It is. Then why'd you wait me? Let me go back to Count and Pig. Oh. Sonny, why would a dinner day take so long? Maybe he's a slow eater.

Sonny, you don't seem to realize how serious this is. She's been gone for eight hours. I've been sitting here watching the clock. Why don't you read some? I don't feel like reading. We got quite a choice of books. There's breeding pigs and pig breeding and pigs in their breeds.

Hadiya, suppose she's purposely staying out late just to just to worry me? Well, she is. She has. Sonny, Jeff liked her. He liked her a lot. Sonny, did she like him? Well, my sister goes for the shy type.

Oh. Would you call me shy? Don't answer that. You know, Sonny, I like her. So do I. Sonny, I think I love her. I think I do too. And I throw her at him. I forced her to go out with him.

I'm a fool. I'm a sap. I'm a... Thanks a lot. You're welcome, Mr. Valentine. That's a telephone. I'll get it. Hello? Hello? Claire, where are you? What are you doing at my place, Mr. Valentine?

Well, I was waiting for you to get back. Oh, you don't mean you were worried? Worried? Why should I worry? Claire, where are you? It's three o'clock. I thought you weren't worried. Well, it's just that... Well, I don't want you showing up late for work tomorrow.

I won't be at work tomorrow, George. Claire, you call me George. Well, I'm an a clear with you please tell me where you're calling from doctor hutchison are you hurt minister minister japan japan by george are you sure mister valentine when you get dressed and shut up but where we go we're going to annal lemarie mister valentine you don't want jeff for a

brother-in-law do you and how i get along without her what will happen to me what happened to me i don't want to go to three oaks and live with big This is a dress. Dr. Hutchison 310 G Street. Come on.

Yeah, but what do we do there? He can tell us where they went. He can tell how to find her. I'm not giving her up, Sonny. Not without a fight. This is a place. Come on.

Don't you think it's a little late to be busting in on people? No, I can't help that. I'll do the talking. Don't you think it's a little late to be ringing doorbells? Well, we've got to find her before he takes her to Three Oaks.

Can I help you? Oh, I want to speak to Dr. Hutchison right away. It's very important. Are you sure I hate to disturb him? He had to get up a little while ago. We had a wedding party here.

A wedding party? Sunny, a wedding party. I heard her. Such a lovely young couple. It's so much in love. Maybe it was some other couple, Mr. Valentine? Yeah, yeah, maybe. Oh, was the groom tall and outdoors-ish looking?

Oh, he was a very wholesome young man. He told me all about his pee. Oh, pig, since the right people are right there. I never saw a happier bride in all my life. And I've seen a lot of bribes.

Are you sure she was happy? She was all smiles. She was all smiles. Well, maybe it was just an act. Oh, no. At the end of this ceremony, when they kissed, well, I never saw such a kiss in all my life.

And I've seen a lot of kisses. Oh. Oh. And now then, now, what did you want to see my husband about? Oh, nothing, nothing at all. Come on, Sunn. Goodbye. Goodbye. Bye-bye. Mr. Valentine. Mr. Valentine, what time is it?

4 o'clock. Don't you think it's a little late for us to be out taking a walk? What else could we do? Sleep? I couldn't sleep. I guess I couldn't leave it. Look, there's just the two of us left now, Sunn.

We'll have to stick together. And you're not going to try to stop her? Stop her. How can I stop her? We've got to think about her, Sunn. If she's happy, then... Well, we'll just give her up, but mr. Valentine. We've got to be men Well, I'll try Come on. Let's go in this restaurant and have some breakfast. We haven't had dinner yet. All right, then we'll have dinner

I can eat I don't think I'll ever be able to eat again. This table. All right. Oh, what is it matter? I can't eat anyway Well, then why'd we come in here? Well, I I just want to sit and look at the food and feel miserable What'd it be gentlemen? Spambled eggs and a nice side order of ham ham. Don't even mention

What's your... Claire? Claire! What are you doing here? Working. Working! Excuse me, they want me in that booth. It's a wedding break. Here, boy. I don't get this. Why should she... Mr. Valentine, look. In that booth. It's Jeff.

Jeff? Oh, of course. It's their wedding breakfast. Then why is she working here as a waitress? Oh, well, maybe they haven't got enough money to get back to three oaks. Hey, he's coming to our table. You won't start a fight. Will you, Mr. Valentine?

I haven't got any fight left in me. Will, I'm sure glad to see you cousin George. I told Jeff you were here. Yeah. Well, congratulations, cousin Jeff. Thanks. Thanks a lot. I... I hope you'll be very happy.

And that comes from the heart, Claire. What heart? Well, I... I guess the best man won. Be good, George, Jeff. You bet I will. Oh, cousin George, about the hundred dollars. Ah, forget it. Why, Mr. Valentine?

Oh, no, I don't want to forget it. After all, you kept your part of the bargain. You got me a date and now look what happened and about the hundred dollars because I'm George by yourself a wedding present. Jeff a Pig or something up to Well, thanks a lot now. I better get back to March. Yeah, you go right ahead and get

Margie who's March? Well, I thought you knew Margie's my bride You're bright. What about Claire Claire's her bridesmaid Claire you mean you remember Margie. Don't you sonny? She waited on us when we were here yesterday.

Hey, she's the girl who knows all about pigs. He sure does. You know, Margie was born just ten miles from my place, but can you beat it? We never met until Claire brought me here tonight.

I knew it would be love at first sight. Oh, well, here, Claire, look, I gotta talk to you. Sit down. I can't, Mr. Valentine. I'm working for Margie for the rest of the day. I don't get off duty till six.

Then I'll stay right here and wait for you. Well, I'll say goodbye. Our train leaves in a little while. I want you to know cousin George that I'm the happiest man in the world. Oh, no, you're not. I am.

Me too. Not Jeff. You remember to look us up when you come back to the city? Oh, we won't be coming back. Margin and I decided we'd stay in three yolks for the rest of our lives.

Why, Jeff? Just settle down on a little farm and... raise pigs. You'll hear Georges' voice again in just a moment. In most parts of the West, motorists are facing the time of year that's hardest on...

hardest on cars. Cooler weather and rain or snow always bring with them some annoying car troubles. Most of these can pretty well be avoided however by a check-up trip to your neighborhood chevron dealer. You'll put the right grade of RPM-compounded motor oil in your cars crankcase. See that it's transmission and differential have the right kind of grease for the season and you'll check

your battery and accessories like windshield wiper blades, spark plugs and lights. You can depend on getting a good job of winter checking at a chevron gas station. chevron dealers you know are in business for themselves. They've had plenty of car service experience before branching out on their own so you can count on a competent conscientious job. See about that winter check up this weekend.

Talk it over with your neighborhood chevron gas station man. Well, next week, a celebrity brings this problem to George, and you'll probably hear something like this. Well, sure, of course I know you. Jimmy Jones, the greatest cowboy star in pictures.

That's right. I work in horse-offers. Mr. Valentine, you've got to help me. Sure. What's on your mind, Jimmy? What can I do for you? Look, you mustn't breathe a word of this. You'd ruin my career.

You can trust me, Jimmy. What's the matter? Mr. Valentine, I'm afraid of horses. Chevron gas stations all through the West invite you to be with us again next week for another chapter of Let George Do It Brought to you by the makers of Chevron Supreme gasoline at RPM compounded motor oil Let George Do It starring Robert Bailey as George with Francis Robinson as Claire and Eddie Firestone Jr. as Sunny

Is written by Pauline Hopkins produced and directed by Owen Vincent Others in the cast were Frank Martin as Jeff, Jane Webb as Cathy, Reena Craig as Margie June 4-A as Mrs. Hutchinson. The music was composed and conducted by Charles Dent.

Your announcer, John Heston. Listen again next week, same time, same station to... Let's George do it! Mutual down the broadcasting system.