Fibber McGee and Molly: Radio Quiz Show

The Johnson Wax program with Fibber McGee and Molly. The wikes and Johnson's self-publishing go-go to present Marion and Jim Jordan as Fibber McGee and Molly. With Jimmy Shields, Bill Thompson, Arlo Wilcox, Gee, thanks. And Billy Mills Orchestra, the show opens with goody good-bye.

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You ever take a tour through a modern broadcasting studio? It's a wonderful experience and here's your chance to do it.

At the West for Vista Broadcasting Company Studio, where the guide is about to conduct a regular half hour tour. And here, among the milling sightseers we find, Fiver McGee and Molly. Oh, come on, Molly, let's go home.

I'm getting tired waiting around here. No, sir. I wanted to take one of these studio tours for a long time, dearie. They say it's very educational. Okay. After all, radio's been buttoning our home for 20 years.

about time we return the call. All right folks, please follow me. I'll explain things to you as we go along. Follow me please. What's all this machinery in here bud? Is this where they wind wenchle up every Sunday night?

Oh fuck. He don't be so fresh. Oh well. This ladies and gentlemen is our sound effects department. This room contains every possible sound effect. Now pardon me please Mr. Guide. There's one sound effect I've often wondered about.

Yes madam. Well for instance on that Johnson wax program. My stars, how do they get the effect of all those people laughing at Fiverr McGee's jokes? Madam, there are still some things about radio that baffle the experts.

Now, do you all see this large rubber ball? What do you use that for, bud? Sound effect of a bouncing baby? This rubber ball, ladies and gentlemen, is used surprisingly enough for the effect of an explosion.

Well, you're the answer to that. It is made of very thin rubber and filled with small pebbles. When shaken and held up to the microphone, it produces a loud explosive sound. Let me show you.

Now, let us continue the tour, please. And this is our Studio J. It has an audience seating capacity of 350. This way, please. Studio K, it seats 325. Studio L, seats 300. Hey, you're out of step, bud.

That's you, dearie. Studio M, seats 350. And this ladies and gentlemen completes the tour. Are there any questions? Yeah, I got a question, bud. Oh, yes, sir. What is it, sir? How do they get all in little pebbles into that rubber ball?

Jimmy Shields sings Stardust. Sometimes melody haunts my rubberies And I am once again when I love the fish on the go.

Now my harvest of a song of paradise, where voices drool, I drease in my heart. It will melody the memory of love.

How do you think of the studio tour, Molly? Oh, wonderful.

But do you think they have a sound effect for falling arches? My feet are killing me. Mine too. Wonder why they don't let the tourists ride on them killer cycles. They're always bragging about it.

Here, sit down on this bench here, will I, Mom? Ah, heavenly days. If that guy had showed us only 42 more studios, I had gone back for that rubber ball and blown the place up.

Yeah, me too. Hello there, Johnny! Hello, Dyer! What you doing? Arresting. We were just taking a studio tour. Hey! We were kind of disappointed on not seeing any radio stars old timer. Molly thought she could only make a graph of Jack Benny's ostrich.

It would be quite a feather in her hat. D'awful, Johnny. Feller says to Tullifiller, he says, I see where me west just finished making another movie. Yep, says Tullifiller. I sure want to see that.

She's number one on my hips parade. Well, I got to skip along. My boy, Rance, wants to borrow 50 bucks to finish up the secretarial course. Must be learning the touch system. Come on, kid.

That's not old, Twerp. He's just a feeble old squirt from the fountain of youth. Ah, well, come on. Let's go home. Okay. I'll be so tired in the morning, I'll have to do the dishes in bed.

Oh, Maggie, look. There's Mr. Gildersley. Mr. Gildersleeve. Oh, hi, a gilly old man. Hello. Oh, what's wrong, Mr. Gildersleeve? I cheer up, Throcky old Rudabacher. You still got plenty of time to do your Christmas shopping?

Stop it, McGee. Please. I'm in no mood for that sort of thing. OK, I'll quit. Oh, I'm in a terrible mess, McGee. Terrible. Well, if this was 15 years ago, I'd think your home brew had exploded.

What is it, Mr. Gildersleeve? Now, I'll look Gildersleeve. Personally, I don't know why I should want to help you. You hate my... And I don't like yours either. I'll help you if I can, baby.

You're so full of balloon juice you ought to travel around with a ground crew. So... But I've simply got to talk to somebody. My... My... It's nice to have you boys on such friendly terms again.

What's the trouble, Mr. Gilder's sleeves? Well, as you know, I am the manufacturer of Gilder's sleeves, girly Skirtles. Yes? Now here's what happened. I decided to go on the radio with my advertising, so I contracted for a half hour on the air.

Oh, how marvellous. Well, that's quite a contraction, Rocky. What kind of show you got? I haven't got a show. What? That's what's the trouble. In exactly 20 minutes, Gilder Sleeves' girly skirtles go on the air.

And I haven't any program. Aw. And all because the Union won't let my wife sing. Ha! Gilder Sleeves, there must be a power watching over you to meet me at a time like this. What you mean, McGee?

Well, now that you've laid an egg, I'm going to save your bacon. I've got a great idea for a radio program. Brand new! What do you know about radio broadcasting, McGee? Boomee? Oh, shut, you'll just leave.

I've been interested in radio ever since I was knob high to a door slam. Why, even as a little tyke, I studied broadcasting because I simply loved to work at a microphone. For the love of Mike McGee, I was known as an inmate.

For the love of Mike McGee, the mastermind who made Marconi's mysterious megasycle machine of modern miracle of music, Marimant and melodrama for miscellaneous multitudes, Monarch of Melody, whose melancholy murmuring of Mother McCree and McHushle and Melod the mascara on milkmaids and milwaukey, Mira-Mage and the Mediterranean and my ladies' maids in Manhattan, and Mercy Me, the magic manipulator of the man Lin,

memorizing a mass of melodic manuscript from the mountain music for old Matilda to let me solve your problem, Gildy. Well, McGee, if you really have something... I have. I assure you you won't lose by it.

Let's step in this office here and talk it over, eh? Right here. Oh, hey, Tocky. Oh, uh, are we in footing? No, no, I was just dictating. I'll have a chair. I'll be with you in a minute.

Ready, Miss Green? Yes, Mr. Glocog. And, uh, Johnson's Glocog will not only make your house work much easier, comma, but it beautifies and protects your linoleum comma and brings out the original color and charm of the pattern.

a paragraph. Just a few more lines folks. Certainly certainly go right ahead. What do you mean go right ahead? You got no more chance to stop on that guy, comma, than I have to get in the Nobel Prize for tea tasting, exclamation. All right, Miss Green.

To apply Johnson's Glowcoat comma, just four few drops on the linoleum comma, spread it around dash if needs no rubbing or buffing, dash, and in 20 minutes your floor is not only lovely to look at, comma, but sealed against dirt and dampness period. I'll make four copies of that screen well hello there Molly hello mr. Wilcox hi hello

hello goodbye mr. Wilcox goodbye Molly so long hello so long favorite come on this green oh well so long hello well McGee it's a business to me I haven't much time left what is this great radio idea look guilty here it is my thought is to make your studio audience part of the program you get it that's simply that

why that's wonderful Well, it sounds very interesting. Sir. A little unorthodox, though, isn't it? Unorthodox. Why? It's revolutionary. I'll get this. My idea is to ask the people to step up out of the audience and have somebody ask them questions.

Sevently, yes. Well, it's a terrific gamble, McGee. My George never let it be said that Throckmorton Key Gilder's leave was afraid to be a pioneer. Good for you, Throcky. And if the idea works out all right, I get the job of putting it on, eh?

Yes. But come on, hurry up, McGee. If this isn't successful, I want to come down for Gilder Sleeve's girdles. And folks, welcome to the Gilder Sleeve Girdle quiz. Next is the introduction to radio of a sensational new idea.

We're going to make you the audience a regular part of the show. Yes. Is that me, Ducky? But first, let me introduce our Mr. Subceremonies, Molly McGee. You do, I'm sure. Notice her graceful bow, folks.

That was made possible by the comfort and flexibility of a gilder sleep. Well, to get on with the program folks, we're going to ask different members of the audience to step up on the stage and draw questions out of a hat.

Then answering the question correct gets either a five dollar bill or an order on the Vonton Department store for a gilder sleep good. Now don't be shy, nobody's going to be embarrassed. Except you. Except me.

Oh, well, somebody volunteer from the audience. Hey, let me throw there. Let me throw. Well now, here's the first contestant, McGee. Will you please draw a slip out of the hat, sir? Yeah, OK. And here is the first question.

And I might say it's a tough one. Name the place and date of the birth of Milton J. Printwistle, the famous wallpaper designer. January 12, 1901, at 4.13 AM in East Cupcake, Ohio. Oh, that is absolutely correct.

And for answering that difficult question, Here is a crisp new five dollar bill. Thank you for coming up, Mr. Mr.... A pret whistle, Milton J. Pretlessel. What's the next volunteer, Maggie? A step right up to the microphone that...

No, no, that's me husband. This is the microphone. Now, M.S., your name, please. And this is Patricia Goldfabe. A six-inch, seven-tint, and a half. Pinkalamza, Patricia, Patel. And the goggle size 38. Well, thank you, Mrs. Goldfarb.

A draw question out of the half now, please. That's it, sis. And here is your question. Can you identify the theme song of a well-known radio program of which the band will play a few bars of?

All right, Mr. Mills. Oh, come, come, Mrs. Goldfarb. Whose theme song is that? I might tell you, it was fed out, but I'd be awful fiver if I did. Come on, sis, don't you catch onto it?

The mohawk, mitt, please. Now, tell us, what is your favorite radio program on Tuesday night, Mrs. Goldbark? I haven't got one. Oh, you haven't got a favorite program? No, I haven't got the radio. I guess I'm giving up.

That's too bad. Students! Oh, come on, folks. Who's theme song ever? Ah, I see, we have another volunteer from the audience. Here you are, child, ahead after several. Oh, thank you, sir. Your name, please.

Horatio K. Boomer, Caleb, Joe's tavern. While you're there, see what the boys in the back room will have. Did I have a guard? Now, you're not your patient, Mr. Boomer. Broker, much in fact. Thank you, Mr. Boomer. Will you please draw a question?

That's it. Now, your question is... where is the Taj Mahal? Taj Mahal, don't accuse me till I take a look. Taj Mahal, Taj Mahal, ah, why do I put that Taj Mahal? I haven't right here someplace.

Let me see now, here's a small straight jacket to keep me from biting my nails. Drinking glass made from confronted money. Ah, yes, the original dick... There's a cart leg in case I have to float alone.

Oh. Instead of marked beans from scrupulous bingo players. Ha ha! What's this? Oh yes, a wig I took from a man named Peters. Try and give it to my brother Paul. Seems like I had to rob Peter to pay Paul.

Yes, yes, and a check for a short beer. Well, well, imagine that. No Taj Mahal. Well, sorry, Mr. Boomer. No $5 for you. Oh, well, it's a smart shot that never flashes a fin. Good evening, my dear. Good night, ask it, biscuit.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, for an interesting variation of this sensational new radio feature, which we call the bag of gold. Do we have on this table the telephone books of every city in the United States with more than two pages of Joneses?

We spend the magic we've been called a phone number indicated. If the person is at home and the car comes in, he receives the bag of gold. If he ain't at home, he gets left holding the bag.

You know what? Spin it, boys. What number in what town, Mrs. McGee? Dillingham 415 in Button Hook, Tennessee. And here's the telephone, Professor. Thank you. Hello, operator. Give me a long distance. Hello. This is the bag of gold, calling Button Hook, Tennessee, Dillingham 415.

Hello. Hello. Is this Button Hook, Tennessee? Oh, is that humor? Oh, that's everything, Mert. They gave you a snapback. There's no time for that now. Oh, yeah, I'm sorry, Mert. There's some mistake. We'll have to go on with that. We'll have to go on now.

We'll try it again next week. Now, who's next from the audience? This lady right here. What is your name, please, Madam? Well, really, Mr. McGee. That seems of a peculiar kind of question. Come on, Muffig. Come on. Co-operate you. Your name, please.

Mrs. Abigail Fogrendill-Uppington of 97 Whistles Vista. Well, now, will you please draw a question from the half-days, madam? Yes, thank you. And your question is... Oh, this is old one. Even you ought to know this one.

How do you get down off the elephant? I beg your pardon. I just want to get down off an elephant. That's right. An elephant. You know, an elephant. A big grey animal with ivory tusks, and a dewy for President Badging is lapel.

Oh, oh, did it! Oh, well, no. Oh, but really, I've had very little experience in either mounting or dismounting from a peck-a-durn. Now, the word is elephant, and how do you get down off? Well, in the first place, my dear, I consider the Christian very clamsily worded. It should say, how does one descend from an elephant? When you say get down, when immediately thinks

of down is secure from the leg of a pole, such as a chicken or a duck. Oh, I hear it, I hear it, it does not get down low from the Netherlands. One gets down off of the jet.

That was quite clever of me, wasn't it? You betcha, P. And here's an order on the Bon Ton Department store for a genuine, gilder sleeve, girly, sogurdle. Oh, so girly she's stretching it a bit.

Look. Well, folks, I see the hands of the old clock on the wall indicate we only got time for one more contesting. One more volunteer, please. Your name, please. And my name is Socrates W. Maxime.

The Socrates W. Maxime. The Socrates W. Maxime. The Maxime. Just call me Sock. And where do you live, sir? Well, I have my residence. Get my home as well. I have my residence. I live in Punks et al.

Punks et al. Next week I am moving to Ames, Iowa. Now, if you draw a question, please, thank you. Oh, and the question is, how would you say Peter Piper picked a pig of paper?

In pig glasses? If I ain't mistaken, bud, you're going to earn this five bucks the hard way. Well, come on now. Peter Piper picked the pack of pickle peppers in pig Latin. Peter pay, I prefer pay.

Peter pay, I prefer pay. The nickel. Oh, it ain't worth it. Folks, you have just heard the most sensational radio program ever produced in this country. originated by Philip McGee and grown to you by the Gilbert Sleeved Girdle Company.

And folks, remember our slogan. In country, town, or busy city, our girders keep you sitting pricky. Oh, why, that was wonderful, McGee. I'm so proud of him. Oh, Chef, you were just as good as I was, you like it.

You think so? Boy, the little Gilbert Sleevedy tickled about this. Well, I'm pretty happy about it myself. Say, how did you ever think of it? You're so clever, Billy. Oh, Shucks, it was nothing that any red-bread-brudded queen living American boy wouldn't have thought up.

Oh, look here, McGee. I want a word with you. Ha ha ha, I bet you, Gilder Sleece. I've met the most terrific... I've been bamboozled. I've been misled. I've been had. Oh, what a... What do you mean, Mr. Gilder Sleece?

This program of yours is off. Your fruit. Why, Gilder? McGee. I've been talking to people around here. What did they say, Gilder? What this idea has been done before? It's been done before. Hosh off.

They were in Mali. We'll be back in just a moment. But first, let me ask, how's your kitchen floor these days? Is it bright and cheerful? Are the colors faded and gloomy? You have trouble keeping it clean?

Are you a floor scrubber? It's my ambition to keep right on telling a wonderful story of Johnson's self-polishing gloco, until every kitchen floor in America is sparkling with glocoated beauty. And every one of my listeners enjoys the extra time and leisure that gloco gives.

This modern floor polish becomes more popular every day because it fills such a need. It keeps the no-limb floors fresh and beautiful. Protects them and makes them last longer and saves hours of cleaning time.

Glo-coats take practically no work, no rubbing and no bucket. You simply apply and in 20 minutes your floor has dried with a beautiful protective polish that's so easy to keep clean. You can use Glo-coats on your varnish or painted wood floors too.

Ask your dealer tomorrow for a can of Johnson self-polishing Glo-coats. Bell G-L-O-C-O-A-T. Ladies and gentlemen, before we say good night, may we take this opportunity to urge you all to support to the best of your ability to campaign against infantile paralysis.

Yes, folks, send your dimes marching to Washington today, and as much more as you can afford. Remember what looks like small chains to you may bring about a big change in the life of some crippled child.

Good night. Good night, all. This is Hollow Wilcox, speaking for the makers of Johnson's likes and Johnson's self-fology in blow-coat racing Wisconsin, I'm notting you all to join us again next year's gonna have the same time.

Good night, this is the natural Bob Jeffy's opponent.