Dimension X: Report On Barnhouse Effect

Adventures in time and space told in future tense. The mansion acts acts acts. The mind of man is still an unprobed field within it lie many mysteries still unsolved. But there are men today, psychologists now experimenting with telepathy, hypnosis, thought transference, who believe that in the future we may discover the existence of a force of the

mind more powerful than any force the world has ever known we go ahead now in time some ten years and in space to the campus of a small Eastern college the hour is late and in one of the dark college buildings two men stand in front of a door that bears the name professor Arthur Barnhouse psychology thank you

You're the keys to the professor's desk and files. I guess he would inherit everything now. You might as well dictate a full report while everything's still fresh in your mind. I'll wait and see you home.

Oh, no, no, that isn't necessary. I'll be all right. You sure? After what's happened tonight, we wouldn't want you to have an accident, too. Major, after what happened tonight, I have a hunch the whole world is right for an accident.

I'm afraid you're right, Clinton. Well, the night, the night, pull yourself together, Buster. Easy does it. August 21, 1960. Restricted report from George Clinton to the Secretary of Defense, Secretary of State, the FBI, National Security Board, etc., etc., etc.

Subject, the so-called Barnhouse Effect, and Professor Arthur Barnhouse, who discovered it. I first met the professor two years ago in the fall of 1958. He was a professor of psychology here at Wilton College, and I was here on an instructor's fellowship in the psych department.

They assigned me to be Barnhouse's assistant, and he needed one. He hardly ever remembered to go to a class, and he didn't seem to do anything else either. For three months, I watched him sitting at the desk here in his study.

He'd either stare at nothing for hours or fall asleep, nodding over his mess of papers. I couldn't understand it, and it was not a might business. But one day, I thought I'd better give him a shit.

What? What? I said it's 215, Professor. Don't you want to go to your two o'clock class? Don't you want to mind your own business? I beg your pardon. Sorry, Clinton. Forgive me. I don't know what gets into me.

Forget the class. The kids would rather be outdoors anyway. Oh, OK, Professor. In that case, I'm sorry I woke you up. It's all right. I just can't seem to get my sleeping done at night.

Clinton, what do you know about the international situation? Well, I'm no political scientist, if that's what you mean. I read the papers when I have time. That's the way I've always been. Lately, I've had to look into it.

I stay up nights looking into it. Professor, I don't want you to take this personally or anything, but... Well, sir, I wonder if you'd mind if I asked to be transferred. You mean you'd rather work with somebody else in the department?

Oh, no sir, no sir, it's not that. I think maybe there's a chance for a psychologist to work on that government project. Government project? Oh, yes, that army thing. Yes, sir. They're trying to develop robot pilots for the new fighter rocket so they'll be expendable.

Oh, yes, yes, something else designed to replace men. Yes, sir, and you know it's a funny thing. The robots work just like human brains. They get overworked or overloaded or something and they have nervous breakdowns.

Now if I could only find out what drives those electronic brains crazy, why I'd flip it. If you want to study a brain that's going crazy, never mind the robots, you can go to work on me.

What are you talking about, sir? I don't know. I'm either crazy, it's a bad bug or a... Clinton, I wish it helped me find out. Are you serious, Professor? I never was more serious in my life.

I'm afraid I'm going out of my mind. But why? What makes you think so? This is what makes me think I'm crazy. Those dice? Clinton, do you know what the odds are against my rolling of seven?

All about five or six to one. What? Seven. Now what are the odds against my rolling of the game? Twice in a row? Plenty. About a hundred of one, I'd say. What? Professor, you're hotter than a $2 pistol.

It's funny. That's what they said eight years ago when I first discovered this. Discovered what? This force of the mind. I call it dynamo-psychism. You mean you shove those dice around just by thinking about it?

People have always thought there could be a force of the mind. You know that. Fortunately or unfortunately, I've learned to control it. Yeah? How did you happen to find out about this, Professor? Well, it was about ten years ago back in 1948.

I made the mistake of going to a psychologist's convention and in order not to appear on social, I happened to find myself for the first and only time in my life in a dice game.

What happened? I didn't have the faintest idea what was expected of me. And someone told me to roll sevens. So I did. Ten of them. I'll bet you weren't asked back into that kid. That night, in my room, I realized that it simply couldn't have been an accident. I tried to reconstruct the exact scene, the position of my body, and finally

the thoughts in my mind. And that was what did it. I remembered what had been my train of thought, and I proceeded to roll sevens, not ten consecutive times, but fifty. Brother, there it is again. Professor, can you do anything else? I mean, besides shove dice around. You see that inkwell and my desk sure watch it don't take your eyes

off it if nothing happens you say so and I shall go quietly even happily to the nearest sanitary okay professor shoot hey why it just blew up yes I'm sorry I didn't mean to splash ink on your suit that that's okay professor what what was That funny noise.

Oh, that? The dynamo psychic waves are a little like ultra high frequency waves. Sometimes when I turn on the power, they create a kind of static. Listen, Professor, how much power have you got? Could you blow up anything, well, you know, big?

I could flatten the great wall of China. Oh, you'll make the heliooxygen bomb look sick. That's what scares me, Clinton. The thought that maybe I could use this power to save the world. Clinton, you've got to help me.

Who? Me? Professor, when it comes to international relations, I don't know from where. You better get in touch with the State Department. State Department? Yes. They'd be the ones, wouldn't they? Well, you probably want to be getting home now.

I'll see you to the door. I could use a breath of fresh air. Okay, Professor. You better stop brooding about this. You get somebody else to do your worrying for you. Yes, yes, you're right.

I have been brooding. Wondering what to do. Just sitting and staring endlessly at that awful monstrosity across the way. You mean the old belt out? Yes, I've gotten so I can't stand the sight of it anymore.

It's a look, but... Well, there's nothing left but a pile of rubble. Oh, my, I didn't really mean to do that. Well, you see, Clinton, it's got to the point where my lightest whim is more dangerous than a blockbuster.

Professor, you get in and write that letter to the State Department right now. You packed too much of a wallet. Professor Bondhouse mailed his letter and things happened fast. A long arm of the army reached out.

Within five days, the two of us were deposited in an old mansion in Virginia, surrounded with a barbed wire fence and 20 guards, and labeled top-secret. As soon as they'd seen a couple of small demonstrations, they set up a big test of dynamo-psychism, and the professor was a very important guy.

You could see him getting more unhappy every day. I've got a talk to you. Just a minute, Professor. We're cleaning up the last of sales and operation brainwaves. A roll at 1400 hours tomorrow. That 1,400 what?

Two o'clock tomorrow afternoon. The robot control fighter rockets will take off at exactly 1400 minus 10 and appear over the target at 1400. Watching from here over the video screen, you will then try to knock all 20 of them out of the sky.

Think you can do it? Of course I can do it! Fine. And we're taking care of everything. Everything except that you neglected to ask me if I wanted to do it. I don't. This whole thing strikes me as childish and insanely expensive.

We'll decide about that. But what's the good of it? I wouldn't mind acting as a defense weapon if it were necessary. But I can make all wars, and armaments unnecessary. I could give every nation what it needs.

I could move mountains, build roads, diggirrigation canals. I have a technique which costs nothing and can do immense good. You're spending millions to prove that it can do immense damage. It doesn't make sense. You know something general, he's right.

Of course I'm right. I want you to send me and Clinton back to Wilton College. Right away. That's quite impossible, Professor. This operation has gone too far to be called off now. Yes, but we wanted to call it off.

If your dynamo's cycism really works, you're apt to be the key to our entire defense setup. I have to double check the confidential list of the observers on this end. Have you got a major?

Yes, General, try to hear. Albert's Barker, Bernstein, Carter, Clinton, Cottrell, Holbrook, Lawrence, Stein, Williams, check. I guess that includes everybody of importance. What about me? Oh, well, that's taken for granted, Professor. Thanks. 1400 hours.

Will you be ready? I'll be ready. And now, if someone will wind the restricted button, they'll be ready. And now if someone will wind the restricted clock and put the confidential cat out, I'm going to bed.

That's McKinley in the observation plan. Cut me in. Hello, McKinley. Ready, clear on the speaker. Everything all right? All okay, General. Take off any ventful. Fighter rockets now flying on course in perfect formation.

Now that you're 5,000 feet, airspeed 865. Visibility got limited. Are you tracking us? We've got you on radar. Haven't picked you up on the video screen yet. What's your estimated time for arrival over the target?

You're today, two minutes. Check. Remember, McKinley, the observation plan is not to enter the target range. We're off and circle at the 10-mile limit. Bring the rockets overhead by remote control. Check. Our aviation signing off.

One minute, 45 seconds to go, Professor Bonhaus. Are you in good shape? I'm all right, General. Good. You can all take our places in front of the video screen now. You sit here, Professor. The center.

Regent Cutrall? Will you turn on the video screen? Right, General. Nothing yet. Just empty sky. I'm holding time. I hear him coming in. There are 20 of them, Professor. You think you can knock him down at this altitude?

Yeah, distance has nothing to do with it. I don't want anything to go wrong. You'll assure you feel all right. General, I know I can do it. If that's all it's wearing you, let's call the whole thing off and say $20 million.

Now they are, they're coming in. You ready, Professor? Ten seconds. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six. Five. Four. Three. Two. One. Now, why don't you, Professor? I'll go ahead, Barnhouse. Knock them down. I did. Nonsense. All you've done is blank out the video screen. What went wrong?

Did you give it everything you had? Give it everything you had. I was wide open, General. When it didn't work, they're still flying there. What's that? It just took a few seconds to work. That's me.

Holy smoke. Dropping like flies. McKillman, a brainwave control. What's happening is, I'm going down like 20. Right, how about it works? It really works. Cut them out. Get watching. Get on the line. Barnhouse, I want you to...

Hey. Hey, where's Barnhouse? I don't want you to... When's the professor? We got me, General. We were all staring at the video. You must have walked out. Get moving everybody. Let the guards search the house.

If anything happens to that, Matt? General Potts, General Potts. What is it called? Corporal Grey Guard at the main gate. Sir Professor Barnhouse is gone. God, where? He came tearing out of the gate at 40 miles an hour.

Here's a note, sir. Do it out of the cars and when flat you can go. Let me say it quick. What got into that man? What did he say, General? Gentlemen. As the first superweapon with a conscience, I am removing myself from your national defense stockpile.

Setting a new precedent and the behavior of ordnance, I have humane reasons for going off. Signed, about the Barnhouse. Barnhouse was gone, and within 12 hours the world was on a spree. The headlines were glorious or terrible, depending on what you think of the things the way they are.

The animal psychic waves reached every corner of the world and every country, every continent, flashed the news of what was happening. The foreign house ducks out in an atomic stockpile in it. It was a new kind of war, the war of tattle tales.

Secret agents of every country hunted for the hidden armaments of their enemies, yelled about them in the newspapers, and immediately there'd be that warning burst of barnhouse static, followed by... Radio controlled, please, blown up on secrets.

The professor was out to make peace or bust and nothing like him ever was Look major cuts well. I told the FBI and the army everything. I know weeks ago I've answered questions till I'm blue in the face. I didn't come here to ask questions Clinton I came to ask you your help my help that's right

Find Barnhouse. What if I don't want to hear his friend? I think you'd better why take on me You've got the FBI the police and army intelligence. Why can't you find him yourself? We're trying But you know the man well. You could spot him where we wouldn't.

And you're the only one who can't, maybe. But why should I? Wherever he is, I think he's doing fine. He's making war impossible and I like him. So do I. Yes? He's putting you out of a job.

That's all right with me. I'll retire to a truck farm with pleasure. Well then? Look, Quentin, we aren't the only ones in this race. Every country in the world has its best agents out hunting for Barnhouse.

Nobody can beat that kind of a manhunt. He seems to be doing alright so far. Sure, but how long you think he can keep it up a week, month? Sooner or later he'll be spotted.

And if the wrong people find him, then we're done for. You know what kind of weapon this is, whoever controls the Barnhouse effect can control the world. Well, alright, suppose they do find him. He'd never give the secret away.

Never give it away. Are you out of your mind? You think these fellows are playing for marbles? Well, no, but the paper's Clinton. Don't you know what's going on in the rest of the world?

Yes, they'll get the secret out of our house. All right. What happens to him in the process won't be very pretty. Well, he He must realize that then he'll He'll never let himself be taken alive. He may not have the choice and if he doesn't God help us all All right All right, I'm in

Good now Do you know anything that you haven't told us anything that might give us a lead only this Was addressed to me. I Found it here on his desk the morning after we escaped you meet. He came back here. Yes. I guess he needed to pick up some personal effects Anyway, the files were open and he left this note on the scrap tape anything to do with the barnhouse effect read it yourself

Greek to me just these few lines crawled in a piece of paper and the last one breaks off right the middle of the sentence This stuff doesn't make any sense at all. You know, the looks of this, I'm beginning to wonder if the professor isn't going off his rocker.

I thought of that too. All the more reason why we've got to get to him quick. He may be helpless in the whole world on his track. Come on, Clinton, we have much time. You say you do recognize this photograph, Mrs. Ritten?

I tell you, it looks like Mr. Balthus. He had the seconds off front room for quite a while, but he left all I should say about a week ago. I should say about a week ago.

Say, is he wanted or something? Yes, if he's the man I think he is. Well, now I'd say you're looking for the wrong fella. That Mr. Balfas, he couldn't be a criminal. Why, he wouldn't even harm a fly.

He's been all his time in his home. Just thinkin'. Brother, it's hot. What are we to spend in August afternoon, huh, Major? You may I teeth to be at Jones Beach. So would I, Corporal.

We've got work to do here. work to do here. Look, sir, we've been cruising around these radio detection cars for a week, not a sign of Barnhouse Static. The professor must run out of things to work on.

Well, we'll give him a little more time. Switch to shortwave. See if there's anything special coming through. Yes. Try the nine minute wave. Let's hear it. All American enemies who have hidden behind the untrusted diabolical persecution by Professor Arthur Barnhouse. Uh-oh.

Will tyrannize us, no more. One of the professors out there. They are glorious leader, fix up his residence in a shelter, shielded with lead against all dynamos I kickred. With this protection designed by our brilliant scientists to be absolutely impregnable against the Barnhouse of Thic, you will once again lead us on the path of our glorious death.

They didn't get me a fix. I've got it. Let me check this chart. Quick, man. 3.9, 1.7, oh, my yaking. What is it? We haven't got a prayer finding a major. You have to be picked out of two million people.

Where is Bon? Right where I was wishing I was. Right smack in the middle of Jones Beach. That's for four. No more room tonight. We don't want a room. Do you recognize this picture? Oh, wants to know.

Uncle wants to know. Oh, excuse me. I'm sorry. Yeah, let me see it. Eh... It looks a lot like room 4'17. About five feet eight thin sandy hair. glasses little scar right across the bridge of his nose ash four seventeen or a minute he's here now no no no anymore checked out two days ago when he couldn't

have gone for what makes you say that boy look sicker to dog couldn't hardly carry his own bag of all like I said any other fellows I said he looked like he was on his way to the morgue other fellas oh either one's this morning you're the second pair has been asking for him here we are more 15 this way

You're sure he's here, nurse? Oh, yes. Thank heaven, we're in time. Well, I wasn't on duty when he came in, but one of the other girls told me he collapsed in the street. The ambulance brought him in.

Okay, he must have really had a rough... Oh, here you are. Bed number 78. This is your man. Wait a minute. This is Barnhouse? I was perfectly sure. Wait, let me check his chart. Dismissed 8 p.m.

Only an hour ago. Oh, dear, now I remember. Remember what? If he was sick, why did you let him go? Well, two of his friends came and took him away. They didn't want him in the charity ward.

They said they'd make sure that he was taken care of. Every time I walk into this study, I keep hoping somehow I wake up out of a bad dream and find a professor just sitting here.

Major, is there anything we haven't covered? Nothing. At least the FBI, the air patrols, the docks, the railroad stations, everything. Not even a flea could get through this ragnet. I hope. Then I guess we sit.

We sit. Maybe something will come in. You have to roll those dice. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking. An hour. That's what's driving me crazy. One hour sooner and he'd have been an hour hand.

Not there. I know. Well, maybe he's still all right. How can he be all right? He's in the hands of a foreign power. We don't know that for sure. The professor was a like of a little about guy.

He couldn't have lasted this long if he hadn't found some friends. Maybe they came and took him away. Well, I saw... ...grab there. Hello? Yes? Professor Barnhouse. Chitin'! They've got me. Who's got you? Where are you, Professor?

An airport. Which one? What are you talking about? Remember the... Professor Barnhouse! Operators, that call just came in here. Can you trace it? Didn't say which airport. Just a hunch.

The commercial air fields are all covered. But there's a little private field out here, I remember. Hasn't been used in years. Better be the one. They didn't have too much of a start on us.

Maybe we'll make it in time. Step on a corporal wide open major. Howdy sound did he say who had him? Now all he got up with the airport something about a nature mr. Clinton There's a tail light up the head must be another car going like the devil. You're right. I see it

They're turning into the airfield come on faster. All everything look up ahead. They're switching the floodlights on at the field There's the plane down at the other end all warmed up and ready to go. Never make it on the road hang on. I'm going through the fence What's the matter get going sorry, sir, mr. Crack the axe

They're taking off get out the sub-achede gun you can't plant houses in that plane you kill them We've got to take that chance. That plane's headed straight for us. Hit the dirt! Get that gun working corporal. Aim for the propeller.

Couldn't get him, Major. There goes the old ball game. I'll get through to air patrol, sir. Maybe they can intercept the plane. I'm not a chance. At the time the fighter's got off the ground, the plane will be out of range.

Now we've lost, Barnhouse. Nothing can save us now. Hey, what? Let's not. Are you all right, Scott? Sure. The... The plane? I know. Barnhouse blew it right out of the sky. He wouldn't let himself be taken alive.

Boy, you really did it the hard way. Poor guy. He shouldn't have had to be a hero. All he ever wanted was peace. Peace? What's that? Now the arms race will start all over again.

And with Barnhouse gone, what's left to stop it? So they brought me back here to the papassa's old study to dictate this report. I'm sitting here at his desk in just the way he left.

Paper's all over, even his old pair of dice. Arthur Bondhouse is dead. That's gonna be good news for some people when they find out. The saber rattlers of the world will be busy as of tomorrow morning, getting ready to whoop up another war.

I'm afraid they're in for a little surprise. It's 3 a.m. now. When the foreman comes, I intend to vanish, disappear completely. That's the last that anybody will ever see or hear of me directly. That's why I want to tell you now.

I've been looking at the new inkwell here on the desk. The professor's last words was something about an inkwell. And in it I found a little scrap of paper, just a few words, but they complete the note I showed the nature, the note that didn't make any sense.

The whole thing makes sense now. Professor Barnhouse may be dead, but you haven't heard the last of the Barnhouse effect, not yet. I've been experimenting with what I've been talking to you, and now the time has come for me to say goodbye.

You see, I've just rolled my 50th consecutive seven. You have just heard a report on the Barnhouse effect by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. An adventure in time, space, and the unknown. Dementron!

Ex, acts, acts, acts, acts! The strange story of the interspace rocket, Star Cloud, which vanished mysteriously behind the great galactic barrier in the year 1986. What happened to it? And to its crew? We'll tell you.

Next week. Tonight's story, a report on the Barnhouse effect was adapted for radio by Clarice A. Ross. Featured in the cast were Bill Quinn as Clinton, Ed Jerome as Professor Barnhouse, and Carl Weber as Major Cutthroat.

Your host was Norman Rose, Music, Albert Berman, Engineer Bill Chambers. Dimension X is produced by Van Woodward and directed by Edward King. Oh, here Sam Spade, now it's truth or consequences on NBC.