Day In The Life Of Dennis Day: Dennis Writes a Radio Script

The Colgate Dental Dream presents the new Dennis Day Show written by Frank Galen with Sharon Douglas, Dinked Ralph, John Brown, Elliott Lewis, Joe Forte, Charles Dant and the Orchestra, Your Truly Burn Smith and starring the popular singer of the Jack Benny Show in a day in the life of Dennis Day.

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Where any sun shines at my waist. 3D, O, D, D, A, Mr. Bluebird. It's the truth, it's actual. Everything is satisfactory. Factual zip-free-dew, gah zip-free-ay Wonderful feeling, wonderful day Strew-dew, birt-out in my shoulders It's the truth, it's action D-dew, gah zip-free-ay Colgate dental cream cleans your breast While it cleans your teeth

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Well as you know, Dennis Day rooms at the Anderson boarding house in Weaverville which is run along with all its occupants by Mrs. Anderson. But Mrs. Anderson isn't home this weekend. She's gone up to Middletown for the yearly pre-Thanksgiving pageant, presented by the Middletown Little Theatre League. Does Mr. Anderson miss his wife, you asked? Just listen.

Well, it's nearly eight o'clock, Mildred. Oh, I must be off for the lecture downtown. Oh, it should be, Daddy. When I dusted your dresser, I saw the name of the lecture on the ticket. Passes my tour, the platinum ball of fire.

Well, yes, she's a very interesting speaker. You know, you better not let mother here. You've been to a burlesque show. Oh, I know. I nearly gave myself away last time she went up the Middleton too.

Really? Yes. When she came in the house and took off her hat and coat, I applauded. But Mrs. Anderson wasn't the only Weaverville visitor at the Middletown pageant this year. There was also Dennis's boss, Mr. Willoughby.

Mr. Willoughby, however, doesn't seem too happy about his trip. Now I went away. I left Dennis in charge of the drugstore. For that I ought to have my head examined. I hadn't known the place ten minutes before he was in trouble.

See, the salesman came in to see me. Of course Dennis stepped right up. Good morning, sir. Are you the owner of this fine store? No, sir. He's away. But if I can help you... I'm sure you can, young man. I can see at a glance that you are bright and intelligent.

A hustler and a gold-ghetter with vision. In short, you are a man of distinction. Is that correct? No sir, I never touch the stuff. What I mean is, you're a man who knows a good proposition when he hears one.

How much is your salary? Eight dollars a week plus ten percent commission on everything I sell over my quarter. I see, then your salary and commission together come to... Eight dollars a week. Well what would you think of a scheme that could raise that salary to twelve dollars?

Maybe fourteen, maybe even fifteen. Fifteen dollars a week? You bet. I have to hear my little plan. No, sir, if there's that much money in it, it can't be honest. Oh, but it is my friend.

You see, I represent W.E.A.D. We live in a new radio station. We can double this store's business overnight. And, Mr. Willoughby makes more money. You make more money. Your station can double our business shortly.

You don't know the power of radio, my boy. Now, for instance, you listen to the Jack Benny program on your radio, don't you? Jack Benny? No, sir. You don't? No sir, for some reason I'm never home when he's on.

Well, Jack Benny goes on the air every Sunday night and spells out LSMFT. LSMFT. Next day, millions of people go into stores and ask for the product. Really? I wouldn't even know how to pronounce it.

Well, the point is we signed up every progressive murder in We the Vill for our opening program. Surely your boss wouldn't want to be left out. Oh, no sir. Good, here's a pen. Sign right here.

Okay. There you are. Fine. You now have 15 minutes on Tuesday night to put on any sort of program you wish. Oh, thank you, sir. This is awfully nice of you. No, at all. Just tell your boss the mail is checked to the station.

It's checked. You mean you charge people to go on the radio? Certainly. 15 minutes comes to $150. You see, time on the air is very valuable property and we say, will your eyes cross like that when I came in?

I don't know. Mr. There's been a terrible mistake. You don't know my boss. You better give me back that paper. this illegal contract now you can tell you boss about you'll be listening in on Tuesday night of course yes sir if they have radios at the hospital goodness goodness a hundred and fifty dollars uh-huh mister will be gonna raise

the roof when he finds out Mildred maybe a radio show isn't such a bad idea for the store that man told you what Jack Benny has done for his sponsors you have it mister will be doesn't feel the same way about money as Jack Benny He feels the same way as Jack Benny.

Oh, God, if we only had a good radio program to submit to Mr. Willoughby, he might put it on the air. Yeah, but where can we get one? You're going upstairs right now and right one.

Me? Guy Mildred, I couldn't write a radio program. Why not? I have no paper. Dennis, I'll get you paper. Now write a dramatic show like those morning serials, you know. Let it hold me in sweet and down to earth, but original.

Original? Yes, don't do one about a woman lawyer. That poor-she-fate is lying. and another one is about a reporter and is one about an intern. You think of something that hasn't been done here. Now go ahead, start writing.

Okay. Good morning, Dennis. Morning, Mr. Willoughby. Did you enjoy the pageant at Middletown? I hated it. If there's anything I detest, it's plays and actors. Yes, sir. How do you feel about radio, Mr. Willoughby?

Radio? Oh, very good, excellent. Really, sir? Yes, sir. I turn it on all the time when I want to set my watch. I want to set my watch. But if you had a radio program advertising your store, you could double your business.

Radio programs cost money, Dennis. I consider spending money on nasty dirty habits. Well, this program wouldn't cost much, Mr. Willoughby. I wrote it myself. Dennis, it pays to be ignorant. It's on the air already.

Oh, no, sir. My program is a dramatic morning cereal. It's homey and down to earth, but different from anything on the air. Oh? For what's it called? Just plain Boris, King of Bulgaria. It's the story of a common ordinary royal family.

A king and queen who could be your neighbor or mine. Thank you very much. I can do without it easily. But being a radio sponsor has a lot of advantages, Mr. Willoughby. No. Number one, you'll be known all over as a big executive. Number two, you'll be doing something creative.

Number three, you'll get to meet some awfully nice actors and actresses. Number four, it'll help people. What was that last one? Number four? No, number three. Number three B. You mean about meeting actresses? That's the what?

But you just said you detested actresses. I said actors. Actresses are built somewhat differently. Valley, you mean you will sponsor the radio programs? Well, now that depends on the cost. How much money will I have to spend?

Ten dollars? Twenty dollars? Well, let's not discuss money. It's so sordid. Dennis, I've got to know how much this thing will cost. Well, so far, expenses are $150. $150? Yes, sir, for the station. Couldn't you just rent a station?

Did you have to buy one? Oh, that's for the time. We've got to pay that because I signed the contract. They can sue you. Sue me, hey? I made a mistake. It could happen to anyone.

Oh, yes, yes. I've made mistakes, too. In fact, I guess once in my life I committed non-partenable sin. He did Mr. Willoughby. I must have done. Why else would you be sent to us, for me?

Oh, but he was awfully mad. But he agreed to put on the show, huh? Well, he'll have to pay for the time, but how can I get actors for nothing? Oh, God, it's not fair.

If only Mr. Willoughby hadn't let me mind the story, we only went to Miltown to see the little theatre pageant this morning. I'm gonna go show him a little theatre pageant. That's it. Again, I said something.

Just for your program. But they wouldn't act for nothing. Well, they might, for... ...for say a big Hollywood producer. Let me get a big Hollywood producer. We have one. You. Me? All you have to do is go over to the middle town and play in your big shop from Hollywood.

Well, I'll try it. But I hope they don't notice my pants or they'll know I'm not from Hollywood. Your pants? What's the matter with your pants? They match my coat. So I'm sorry, here's Dennis Day singing, Falling in love with love.

Falling in love with love is falling for me. I believe with love it's laying the fool It's just hell and love with love One night when the moon was full Wasn't wise with I unable to see Now back to a day in the life of Dennis Day

Who in the guise of a big Hollywood film magnet Is about to knock on the door of the middle town Little theater league in an effort to get some anchors To do his forthcoming radio-ogram for nothing He's even got Mr. Anderson along with him as he's just man.

How do you do, my good man? I'm Orson Metro Day, the big Hollywood producer from Hollywood. From Hollywood? Yes, it's located right near LA, or as the tourist put it, Los Angeles. You know, we movies always call it LA.

It saves so much of our valuable time. Well, come in, gentlemen, come in. But this is thrilling to think that a great Hollywood producer should call upon me an humble actor who was gained on dying fame on the stages of the world who has appeared before the crown heads of Europe and who in 1928 received a write-up over

three inches long in variety. The rioting? The horse racing paper, old boy. Oh, dear, so dear. How are you living in Hollywood that fabulous land? I suppose you're at Grumman's Chinese all the time. Oh, yes, I wouldn't send my shirts anywhere else.

Well, Mr. Day is a little confused. Your town is quite a change after Hollywood. Oh, yes, it must be. Mr. Day, you live near Beverly Hills. Oh, yes, indeed. Right across the street from her. Lovely, girl.

You're sure you're from her? Boy, only a few short days ago I was sitting in the brown derby with my feet in the cement. Well, Mr. Busy, is it their business, called? Yes, my friend. I'm always in the market for talent. When I saw your pageant, I said to myself, There's the man for the new picture you're making at Gorman Studios, or as I always call it, Sam's Place.

I'm very much flattered. However, I've been expecting a picture off of us sometime. Naturally. Discuss remuneration? Remuneration? He'd like to discuss remuneration, Anderson. Remuneration? Oh, yes, O.D. I'm sorry, old man, but neither of us knows what it means.

It means salary, wages. Oh, that's tough. Oh, I'm sorry, but we couldn't possibly discuss that until after the radio tryout. The radio tryout? Yes, we want you and your entire troop to act in a radio play as a sort of a test.

For a very small sum, I suppose. Not quite that much. For nothing? All Hollywood will be listening in, my boy. Your screen career will be in the balance. All right, I suppose I'll have to do it.

Ah, good. Who knows where you may climb to if this is a hit. You may become a second-clock cable. Another Charles Boy-A, bigger even than Lassie. See, I hope so. Well, tonight's the big night. And this, has your cast all lined up?

Oh, yes, Mr. Willoughby. We're all ready to go. Good. I've been reading your script, and I took the liberty of making a few very minor changes. Just trivial things, huh? I hope you don't mind.

Oh, no, sir. Now, for instance, you have the hero marrying Margaret at the end. I had him marry Geraldine. Is that all right? Well, I suppose so, although Geraldine is his sister. Not anymore. I changed it so they hardly know each other.

But they have to know each other. They live in the past together. Oh, it isn't a palace now. It's a shoe factory. And Geraldine just works there. But it was in the palace that the Greek discovered the missing pearl and the royal chambers on Saturday morning.

He finds it now in a sewer. Only it isn't a pearl. It's the Mona Lisa. And he isn't a Greek anymore. He's a Democrat. Poor, interesting, don't you think? Yes, sir. They're only minor changes. It still takes place on Saturday morning.

Yes, that's true. Did you make any other changes? Well, that's all, except for a small one on page 20. You know where the Russian comes in and says, dah. Yes, sir. You changed that line?

Oh, no, no. No, that line is perfect. Oh, thank you, sir. I just cut out the rest of the page. I also put a new title on the story. I hope you don't mind these trivial little changes.

Oh, no, sir. Well, I better get the fountain clean. We'll be on the air in an hour. Good evening, sir. I'd like some grease paint, please. Oh, my gosh. My star actor. The clerk will wait on you, sir. He's behind the sword, about.

Well, very well. Clark, I'd like some grease paint, please. We haven't got any. Try down the street. If you mind taking your head out of that ice cream can, I can't hear what you're saying.

Dennis, take your head out of the ice cream can. Yes, sir. That's better now, I... You? Huh? Why, you're awesome, Metro Day. Who? Oh, you must mean my uncle, Orson Day, the movie producer. Your uncle? You look exactly like him.

Yeah, he's my twin uncle. Mr. Day, don't be absurd. What are you doing back in that fountain with a white apron on? Well, I was making myself a marshmallow sundae. It's sort of a hobby of mine.

Oh, I see. You, Hollywood, and certainly are an eccentric lot. Yeah, aren't we, though? Then as you better let me handle this customer, it's getting late. You go in the back and sweep the place out.

Weep the place out. Yeah, I got all kinds of hobbies. And, uh, while you're at it, don't forget to take out the garbage. Take out the garbage? I'll bet you won't find one man in ten with that one.

Oh, Mr. Ossenmetro day of Hollywood, eh? And we were going to appear on your radio show tonight. A fat chance. But, sir, I... Hey, Mr. Piehead. Mr. Pie, what was that all about, Dennis? Well, remember you made some slight changes in the script?

Yeah. He just made some slight changes in the casting. Stand by with the Willoughby Drug Store program, folks, you're on in ten seconds. Golly, ten seconds. Gosh, Mr. Willoughby, what are we going to do?

We have no actors. Dennis, this program is going on the air even if you have to play all the parts yourself. But Mr. Willough... You can do it, Dennis. I'll play the girl part and you play all the men.

Oh, no, Milrit. I... Right in the air. Willoughby's drug store presents... The third time, and still be happy, even if her first two husbands remain in the house. The last Ronson has been discharged from the Navy.

And now after five long years of waiting and yearning, without even a glimpse of each other, Ronson stands upon the Puckkin doorstep. Zelda speaks. Hello Ronson. Hi, Zelda. Isn't it ready? There's a horse there.

Zelda speaks. Hello, Ronson. Hi, Zelda. Isn't he ready? Uncle Ebonavitch is here for dinner, too. Here he comes now. Say hello to him, Ronson. Hello, Uncle O'Vonavitch. You have to say Uncle Ebonavitch is too there.

Speak with an accent. Hasta la vista señor anton. I'm glad to see you. Gendered Uncle Ebonavitch is supposed to be from Moscow. Oh, I'm glad for Tamidio, Gus. How are you? Is it? And then it's my cousin Russia.

Oh, how do you do? Brown for dinner tonight, Ronson. Uncle Ephronovich brought our cousin Louis from the Bronx, within. I'm cousin Louis from the Bronx, too? Yes. Evening, folks. How are you? And look, Ronson, here comes Grandpa downstairs.

Hello, Grandpa. He's in sunny sure as a mighty cold night. Yes, he is sure as well. All right? I'll sit with us. Patrolmen or pherosies? Oh, Mr. O' Clarity. Stop it, even! You're there running me by, I'm fed to the play night, it's just indeed, and it's a grand night for the problem of the real night.

I'm fed to the church. Why, Ronson, see who's coming up the wall? Oh, no, Mildred, I can't do that. You've got to do that. Sir, Ronson, see who's coming up the wall. Well, if you sit here, Mr. O' Clarity.

Sure thing, Spot. I said, I said, Mr. O' Clarity, Oh, pardon me. Even folks, how you are? Hello, Dennen. How do you do? Oh, Dennis, you hear me? Give me that script, I'll do it.

We're your last line again, Mildred. You sit here, Mr. O'Clarity. She's in your arm. It's a... We'm on your... ...try your own mind here. Shut up. Please, the music's somebody. Get us out of here.

I have a thing. Gotta stay. We'll return in a moment with a song. But first, here's the fact worth knowing. Coldgate dental cream cleans your breath. While it cleans your teeth. And now our coldgate players want to show you how important that is.

Listen. It's just definitely not fair, Claire. I'm the Ren writer, the letters and the other girl will get the mail. Maybe what you write is wrong. Do you really think that's the trouble? No, truthfully I don't bet.

In fact, I know the reason why Dan hasn't written to you lately. And you haven't told me? Good grief, what am I? Not one of those girls are what a see her dentist. Well, I think you'd see more letters from Dan.

If you'd see your dentist, Beth. And here's what Beth found out. Scientific tests have proved that in seven out of ten cases, Colgate Dental Cream instantly stops unpleasing breath that originates in the mouth. What's more, Colgate Dental Cream's safe polishing agent brings out the natural sparkle of your teeth, cleans them thoroughly and safely. Yes, Colgate Dental Cream cleans your breath, while it cleans your teeth, and

Colgate Dental Cream is famous for its wonderful wake-up flavor too. In fact, nationwide tests of leading toothpaste prove that Colgate Dental Cream is preferred for flavor over other brands So to clean your teeth thoroughly and safely, for a wake up flavor everyone enjoys, use Colgate Dental Cream.

Remember Colgate Dental Cream cleans your breath, while it cleans your teeth. And as with Charles Danzer's arrangement of Old Buttermilk Sky. Old Buttermilk Sky. What's the good word about a beam of Christmas tree? Heading for the one, I'm gonna pauper the question

My question Do you darling, do you? It'll be If I can only fudge It's again next week for another Dennis Day program

More songs, more adventures in the life of our star, Dennis Day Meanwhile, be sure to use cold-gate dental cream to clean your breath While you clean your teeth Say hello to Halo Shampoo for naturally bright and beautiful hair.

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Halo needs no lemon or vinegar rinse. Say hello to Halo and goodbye to dulling soap film. Hey little shampoo at any cosmetic carpet This is Dennis again good night everybody The National Broadcasting Company