Dangerous Assignment: Missing Arctic Warfare Report (Quebec)

Dangerous assignment, starring Brian Donnerday as Steve Mitchell. Yeah, danger is my assignment. I get sent to a lot of places I can't even pronounce. They all spell the same thing though, trouble.

But when I walk into the commissioner's office, I don't realize this assignment's going to wind up with me depending for my life on the only weapon I've got. A mighty powder puff. Morning Commissioner, Ruth said you had an assignment for me.

I do, Steve. How would you go about firing a rocket if the firing mechanism was frozen? What? You mean you drag me in here just to try out a riddle on me? I'm serious. Now answer my question.

Okay, okay. So if the firing mechanism was frozen, I probably wouldn't be able to fire the rocket. I suppose that's the wrong answer. No, it's the right answer. And that's what's wrong. Right? Wrong? Hey, look. Before we get into a vaudeville routine, I think you better start at the beginning.

Steve, as you know, the entire Arctic area is a potential battleground. But sub-zero temperatures do a lot of strange things to weapons of war, all the way from impairing their accuracy to rendering them completely useless.

So what am I supposed to do? Dream up a new plastic made out of pumpkin seeds to protect them from the cold? You don't have to. It's already been dreamed up. I don't think it's made out of pumpkin seeds, but it's a liquid which does protect weapons and electronic devices from the effects of subzero temperatures.

Well, that's all very interesting, Commissioner, but I still don't see where I fit into the deal. I'm coming to that. The private company which developed this new plastic has just concluded exhaustive field tests with it up in the Arctic.