Yours Truly, Johnny Dollar: The Little Man Who Wasn't All There

If you're looking for murder, I know a guy who can get it for your wholesale. This is another in the adventures of America's fabulous freelance insurance investigator, Johnny Dollar, starring Charles Russell, at insurance investigation, Johnny Dollar is only an expert at making out his expense account.

He's an absolute genius. Expense accounts submitted by special investigator, Johnny Dollar. Two West Coast underwriters San Francisco branch attention Bradford L. Coates general manager The following is an accounting of my expenditures during my investigation of The little man who wasn't all there or in most cases there at all Or the unpaid premium payoff

Spence account, item one. Three cents postage due on your airmail special delivery letter containing set assignment. I can just hear you dictating it. Take a letter. To Johnny Dollar, you'll find his address in the files.

Dear sir, better make that dear dollar. Enclose find copies of letters received by us from one Mr. James Yabo period. This man's wife was insured with our company until recently. One day before her death her period of grace on an unpaid premium ran out we cancelled her policy in the amount of $20,000.

Her husband Yabo first made every effort to collect, then certainist. Since then we've received the enclosed series of letters intimating without confessing that he's had a hand in the accidental death of at least 12 of our policyholders to date.

The police have been working on it but they're getting nowhere. If you are available please come immediately. Yours very truly so. Expanse accounts, item two, $176.87. Airfare, Hartford to San Francisco. Item three, 540. Cab fare, airport to your office.

Dollar, glad you got him. You've no idea what I'm saying. Okay, Mr. Coats, okay, don't get excited. We'll nail this guy before you run out of polishing orders. Well, there doesn't, he's apparently done away with already, of course, it's darn near, quarter of a million.

You've got to move fast, dollar. The man is a homicidal meanie. Yeah, but a smart one though. He's put just enough in those letters, he sent you to let you know that he's working on a grand scale revenge against your company.

But he leaves out just enough so the law can't lock him up. He's had perfect alibis in every case. Look, Mr. Coats, tell me, have all these deaths been local right around here? No, they've been all over California.

Mm-hmm. Well, one other thing, the method from this list you came in. Mr. Yarbrough seems to have a preference for killing people through the noisy and gory method fake automobile accidents yes very true what about this last one airplane crash that was a thirty thousand dollar lost to us uh... just think our poor innocent policyholder flying around and then his engine quit

thanks to a man he's never even seen tell me mister co-test out difficult would it be to get a list of your california policyholders names and addresses now why that would take days but goodness gracious man you can hope to keep an eye on the mall besides the minute you went off the job it struck again that's a preposter time

look i don't want to list i was just wondering how you are both of it now so far you give me nothing to go on i'd like to add two things to that your boss home address and a fifty thousand dollar life insurance policy made out to me one of the that for well look in the first place of a growing fishing from the

your bow i might as well be the warm in the second place If I should get gobbled up in the line of duty, that $50,000 life insurance would make several attractive young ladies if my acquaintance very happy.

Not mind you as happy as I can make them by remaining alive. Spence account item four, $30. Rental of limousine complete with chauffeur. I figured if I was riding the trouble I was riding in style.

So I started on a house the house survey. You know, I'd say knocking at death's door. Yes. What is it, the police? Oh, I'm sorry to bother you, Mrs. T. and Ellie, but I'm from the insurance company.

Oh, yes. It'll only take a moment. One question about your son. Oh, poor Andrew. What do you want to know about him, my poor son? He'd drive away and he'd say, all of them have been hot, so all of them never see him live again.

Yes, I know. Tell me, Mrs. Janelli. Did you ever hear your son mention a man named Yarbrough? Yarbrough? Yarbrough? Yarbrough? I don't know about no such Yarbrough. Not please. Please believe in me. There was so much sadness in my house.

Yes? Mr. Dikes? Yes. I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm from the insurance company. about your son's plane crayon thought all those details have been taken care of but just one thing mister dikes did your son ever mention a man named your bow your bow that's an unusual name i'm sure if he had i would have remembered

okay sir i'm sorry about you and thanks yes i may i help you yes i'd like to have a word with mrs weatherly I'm from the insurance company. Well, sir, Mrs. Weatherly has been indisposed, not receiving visitors.

What is it, Brian? How do you do, Mrs. Weatherly? My name is Johnny Dollar. Oh, dear, dear. You may go, Brian. Oh, I'm ashamed that you see me in this condition, Mr. Dollar. Just ashamed.

But you understand. I do, indeed. Not bad enough. The accident, I mean. But the scar... I have my head up again. Yes. And no. Give Harvey a hat to get himself in an awfully good accident.

Why, you're the boss of the car! Oh, yes. Yes, it was very unthoughtful of him. Mrs. Weatherly, would you mind answering one question? Well, if I can. Did your husband ever mention a man named Yabo?

Well, no. No, he'd never mention a man named Yabo. But neither did he ever mention Mrs.! I tried a half a dozen of the other beneficiaries left behind by Mr. Yabo's list of victims. All I got out of it was a very watery afternoon.

The tears were falling like monsoon time and Burma. But of information I got none. This brought me right smack up to a point I didn't want to have to reach. The point of contacting Mr. Yarbrough in person.

At 8.30 that night I took a plan on Yarbrough's house on Lombard Street. At 11.30 I saw the lights go out, as did Yarbrough. He was a little guy, stooped over like he was looking for cigarette butts on a sidewalk, a haircut, and threw a type wearing a long black overcoat. But worst of all,

was a little sachily it was carrying. Items like this always set off a chain reaction in my imagination, and I could just see him on his way to atomizing the Oakland Bay Bridge, thus causing the biggest automobile accident in history.

I very cleverly forced my way into the house by breaking a first-floor window, reaching in an opening scene. The cyclops eye of my flashlight started picking up information on the subject of Mr. Yarbrough immediately. The room I had entered looked like the hobby lobby of an English Bobby, a crime museum if I ever saw one,

and one wall, a gun case, another a crime library, and scattered around the room a grisly collection ranging from blood-stained hatchets to shrunken heads. But But the most surprising criminal curio of all stood right behind me.

Mr. Yarbrough, complete with little black bag. Well, well, I must say the current second story man dresses well, but I must also say you, my man must have the old masters of the art turning in their graves.

For you, young man, are the heavy-fingered banger. Sure, let's have a better look at you, ho. Now that flashlight, I'll feel better after you've dropped it. Hey, what am I doing? You're not even pointing a gun at me.

Don't feel too comfortable. You are well covered from many points. A step from you in any direction may detonate any number of explosive devices. Why not to pick this joint up, Birdle? I feel like a city councilman playing a role in a white house.

You seem more the kind of a guy should be working for instead of on. What's your racket? Racket! You were in a racket, my little friend. My pastime is a science. Yes, I take it you are impressed with my collection.

Well, who wouldn't they? Well, if you're interested, come here. About those booby traps. Only as Nootwill's designed the large roses, avoid stepping on them for the time being. Oh, great. I was in here stumbling around the dark.

May your good luck continue. But look, look here in this case, the small vine on the right. That was colloid for me to order from the famous Black museum in Scotland Yard that little vile ones rested in the case of the fabulous murderer Dr. Crippen on there beside it that lock of hair that is from the head of

the second victim of the noted mass murder in the Ukraine and up there look up there the hang of news over the mental from that once won the body of the notorious western bad woman Fanny China. How's chances for running this place for Halloween?

We'll all write and since you no longer seem interested in playing the part of a bungwing burglar Then I assume that I'm also free to discontinue my poses a victim of your disguise mr. Johnny dollar Oh Looks like the chips are down and I'm the fish. Yes, and there are a lot of other fish in your sea mr

Dollar poison ill that which you are a lot of you Parasites gambling on death and did not pay when you lose listen mr. The Arbo, you're placing a big hunk of blame where it doesn't belong.

You're confused about them. Confused? Yes. When your wife's insurance premium was overdue, you were allowed a 30-day period of grace. And when that went by, the policy was canceled. Now that's not the insurance company's fault, it was your fault.

But it wasn't I gave her the money. She spent it on herself. I did made it up. I told them so after she died. I told them but they wouldn't listen. I'll show you. I'll show you.

The Arbo looked like he was headed to show me the chopping end of an axe laying on top of a small table. I hit him just as he hit the table. As he hit the floor, I noticed what I was standing on.

One of those big red roses in the carpet. It hadn't exploded yet, but that was one flower I wasn't standing around waiting or see Bloom. It took a lot of nerve, picking up a telephone in that room.

But I finally got a good hold on my nerves and a fair hold on an imitation of Yabo's voice. So one deep breath and picked up the phone. Yes? Hello James, it's Martha. I'm at the office. I have good news.

Good news, two more. Mr. and Mrs. Granville Morse, killed tonight on the great highway, two miles south of Seal Rock, eight, four, five tonight, ran to a post-poodle of 80,000. Whoa, congratulations, brother Yavo. Two more at eight, 45 tonight.

And who's your new alibi? Me. In just a moment, we've returned to the second act of Johnny Dollar. But first, did you ever think of and as a comedy word? Maybe not, but you'll get a full demonstration on CBS this Wednesday night.

There'll be Groucho Marx and his guest on that hilarious quiz you bet your life, or it's the guest who sometimes floor Groucho with their wives crack. There'll be Bing Crosby in his regular Wednesday night CBS show and his special guest Bob Hope.

There'll be George Burns and Gracie Allen and Bill Goodwin, And, and becomes more filled with comedy when you tell or learn that Lum and Abner will have their premiere as Wednesday night regulars on most of these same CBS stations.

Yes, this fall you hear them all on C and B and S. Now with our star Charles Russell, we return to the second act of yours truly Johnny Dollar. The Arbo might have been lying unconscious on the floor, but in that setting I was still afraid of him.

I looked to place over with a fine tooth comb, only having none. I used my hands. I put the pat test to Yarbose Pockets for a gun. He was unloaded. Then turned my attention to the little black bag he'd been carrying when I saw him leave the house, and which he still had with him when he returned.

I hoped it wasn't booby trapped. Opened it, and discovered that it was a trap, the type my kind of booby stepped into. Inside the bag was a small radio receiver, tuned to something I looked for and found in room, a small radio transmitter of the type formerly used in Army tanks. Through this,

Yarbow had heard me enter his little museum of murder and had returned to catch me in the act of prowling the premises. About then I caught him in the act of coming to. Well, welcome home Yarbow, time to get up. I just had a long chat on the phone with Martha.

He thought I was you. You think you're very clever, don't you? Martha knows my voice. If she talks to you at all, she didn't tell you anything. But that I am sure, so save your breath.

There is no use you're telling me she gave you any information. Oh, no, you've got me wrong, pal. I only told you Martha called to let you know. I know there is a Martha. I figured I might make a nervous.

And nervous men are easy to be. Other nervous men may be easy to be, tell her, but not James the Arbo. the police have tried and they couldn't prove a thing against me. Now, may I have your permission to get up?

Maybe the police haven't been able to get anything on you, but I have something. Attempted murder, the hatchet you went for. The pitiful mistake of a pitiful, suspicious mind, all that. I wasn't reaching for that hatchet on the table.

I was trying to show you something in the table draw. There it is, spilled out on the floor. My wife's insurance policy. The one your unscrupulous, thieving superiors were told to pay. The vampires. There, look at it.

All in order. Much of it in fine print. Fine, just fine. Oof. Okay, y'all, boy, that did it. Come on, ahead of me. Where are we going? The fine, someplace to lock you up. I was fired to stop you, and until I do, Come on, at least you're going to try and slow you down.

Now move. Okay. Let him close it. I'll ruin my hair. Come on. Yeah, this'll do. Go on, get in there. No, no, no, no, no, no, there's nothing here. Anywhere but in here. It's a good place.

You may get thirsty. No, no, no, this is where my wife died. Not in here. No. Which on the surface may seem to have been a move on the cruel side. But your boy was a man, obviously, off his rocker.

And I needed a more nervous than I already had him. Too nervous to attempt killing any more people. Spencer count item five a nickel phone call downtown office state police a mister and Mrs. Granville Morse had indeed crashed to their death on the great highway south of Seal Rock at 845 which made the lady with the early

telephone news flash Martha a gal with whom I wanted an early date I'm chamoisin for the phone hello mr. Coates this is dollar first I want to I tell you that you just lost two more policy holders.

List price, 80,000. Oh, wow, what happened? Never mind that. I've also got something else. On the good side. I need your help tonight. Meet me at your office. You and I are going to go looking for a name named Martha.

Martha. Martha, who? I don't know. But I hope she works for you. I'll be there in a half hour. Make that 20 minutes and you'll be 10 minutes closer to happy days. The office personnel records of the West Coast underwriters turned up not one but three employees named Martha, which gave me three choices as to

who had been supplying Yarbrough with a list of West Coast policy insurance policy holders. Finding the Zack Martha was even easier. On the phone she had told me that she was crawling from the office and the night elevator operators in and out books show the signature of one Martha Kinsey.

And I just couldn't wait to hear her report. I've got a message for Mr. Yarbrough. Oh, just a minute. Message from James. Oh, what do they want? Well, what he really wants is to get out of the bathroom.

That's where I've got him locked up. Who are you? You ought to know who I am. I assume you're the one that told Yarbrough. He could be expecting a call from an insurance investigator named Dollar.

Well, that's me. Well, I don't care. James told me girls give out a list of names all the time. Sell them for mailing lists, gem-sensepsies. may not be ethical but it's not against the law James told me and I believe James oh he's the smartest man I ever knew he may be the smartest but he's right in line to be numbered among the deadest

one of these fine mornings the state is going to give him a cyanide egg for breakfast what do you mean you should know murder execution gas chamber well you can't prove a thing James told me so and he knows but he's smart I hope he's not smart enough to pick a lock with a bath mat

now come on sit down You and I are gonna have a nice long talk. We are not. I wouldn't say a thing. I don't have to unless you have a warrant, an indictment, and a court reporter.

James told me so. Yeah, I know. He's smart. But no matter what he told you, you're gonna tell me a few things. Oh, no, I'm not. Oh, yes you are. Oh, no, I'm not. Oh, yes you are.

So, I was wrong. Martha didn't tell me anything. But her stubborn attitude did. She was in love with Mr. Yarbrough, a stupid middle-aged woman having her last fling at romance, doing her best to keep her last chance alive, in the person of the man who had made her his partner in crime.

As crazy as it was, this grotesque pair of lovebirds created the only real emotion in the case to date, and switched my thoughts from the widely scattered deaths which had brought me into the case, and over to the single death of Yarbrough's wife.

And flows find a transcript of statement made to me at two o'clock in the morning by the doctor who signs Mrs. Yabo's death certificate. Because of death cerebral hemorrhage, a result of severe fracture of skull, region medulla, blangata, contributing factors, woman bathing in bathtub at home, slipped and fell, striking head of shower spigot.

Colin is finding death due to misadventure, accidental. It took the doctor two minutes to get around to making that statement. I figured it would take Martha at least 30 minutes to get her hair out of her curlers and make herself presentable enough to risk being seen on the street.

That left me 28 minutes to get back to Yarbrough's house before she did. And I didn't need half that long. In a cab on my way over I took inventory. One, to date Yarbrough's allies covering him on all the so-called revenge murders had been perfect.

Two perfect. Second, when I first faced Yarbrough, he screamed about his wife's death, not in the light of having lost his lady love, but in the light of having lost her insurance money. This is my third most important conclusion came upon me that the taxi came upon our destination, and I had to go to work.

Once inside the little horror house on Lombard Street, I got set for a long search. But it turned out to be a short one, and it proved two things. Yarbrough was not only a murderer, he was as crazy as he'd acted, and having kept the evidence around. Okay, you are both. Come on out. Well, I hope you've enjoyed your

waste of time, Mr. Dollar, as I've enjoyed my chance for meditation. You saw Martha, I suppose? Yes, I saw Martha. Bless her sign of little soul. Yes, I was sure of Martha. She believes in me. You can say that again. Come on out here. Mr. Dollar, I suppose you are aware that this is the second time tonight we've been guilty of breaking an

entry. I am, however, willing to forgive that. Should you come to your senses and decide to go back to Hartford and leave me alone? Ah. Mine treading on the roses in the rug, Mr. Dollar. Sorry, I bow. I fell for that gag earlier tonight.

People who smiled at that joke give me the last laugh. Now, look, you're a boy. I know exactly what you've been up to, and I know why you've done it. But your little war of nerves has got to stop.

It will never stop. No one can prove anything against me. I can. I can prove that you haven't done a thing to bring about those accidental deaths you've been taking credit for. Martha has sat down on an insurance office. Our office has been notified you every time has been an accidental death of a policy holder in this part of the country.

Then you've written the company your little letters and gotten your little kicks out of it, right? They're lying, lying. This is a switch, a guy yelling at loud that he's guilty. You will have to prove it. You will have to prove it.

Don't worry, Tom. I'm not going to waste a breath proving murders that you didn't commit. But, brother, I'm really going to go to town on the one that you did. Your wife, Mr. Yarbrough. That is the most ridiculous statement you have yet made, young man.

Look around, you take note. I have profited by all the mistakes made by the original owners of these bloody souvenirs from Dr. Crippenon down! You'll see in me the living composite of the bomb. And I intend to stay that way, alive.

I'm afraid you will, but it's going to be inside in a postured room. And this is what will put you there. Oh, duh. Yeah, Mr. Yarbrough, you carried your little hobby of crime souvenirs too far when you saved this hunk of pipe and the faucet with which you clubbed your wife to death.

She slipped in favor. She was in the town. I'm sure the police microscopes can give you a strong argument on that one. Oh, come on. And let's make it easy on each other, shall we?

No, no, I didn't do it. I-I didn't do it. Let go! Let go of me! You have to prove it! Oh, you have to prove it! You have to help me, Martha! I'd have burned myself against the two of them if I didn't have to fight while playing hopscotch over those roses in the carpet about which I still wasn't quite sure.

It was touch and go. Martha would try to touch the back of my head with something and I'd go... Do something Martha! Do something! Something Martha tried to do was pick up a heavy-based urn and aim it at me.

She missed. Started a roll across the rosy carpet when Yarbou saw where I was headed he wrenched himself loose and dove out of it. I dove the other way. He got there just too late.

I didn't have to look twice to know he was dead. Fate had crawled James Yarbow up on his own carpet. When Martha threw that urn at me, had it rolled straight for the only rose in the rug that had been booby traps.

Which only goes to prove that sometimes the rose by any other name can be anything but sweet. Spence accounts? Item 6. A dollar and forty cents. Three months of subscription, Love Life magazine. to accessory to murder Martha Kinsey, the hatch of a state prison.

I figured three months was about all she had, the judges and juries in California being rather efficient that way. Expense account, item seven, six bucks, dinner and diving for pearls in a barrel of blue points at Fisherman's Wharf.

Diving for pearls earring, which she lost while bending over the barrel trying to see what oysters looked like. Item 8, $176.87, Airfare, San Francisco to Hartford. Uh, expense account total, $942.08. Not including defense lawyer fees if you decide to sue me for not being able to add correctly.

Signed, yours, uh, truly, Johnny Dollar. D'Ors truly, Johnny Dollar is produced and directed by Gordon T. Hughes and stars Charles Russell script by Paul Dudley and Gildau Featured in the cast were Tain O'Vello Martha Wentworth Paul Dubois Gigi Pearson and Larry Dobkin The special music is written and conducted by Wilbur Hacks They sure to be with us at this same time next week when another unusual expense account is handed in by

yours truly Johnny Dollar Everyone is concerned about world affairs these days. If we want world peace, we'll have to have national peace first.

In order to keep America's strength and prestige, in order to preserve her freedom, we must do away with group prejudice. Let's stop judging people by the color of their skin, or the place where they worship, and start considering them for what they do.

We'll be sure to have a happier world. Stay tuned now for Von Monroe and his caravan following immediately on most of these DBS stations. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.