Jack Benny opens his show with his usual banter with Mary Livingstone, Phil Harris and Don Wilson, joking about the feud with Fred Allen and the cheapness of his reputation. A newspaper reporter named Schlogalmeyer arrives at the studio, asking about a contest Benny mentioned the week before. Benny waits for his press agent, Steve Bradley, to explain the details. Meanwhile calls, a milk truck mishap at Benny's house, and a mysterious prize contest keep the cast busy. The 1945 episode of the Jack Benny series aired on NBC and CBS radio, with Benny, Livingstone, Eddie Anderson and Phil Harris in the leading roles.
Characters: Jack Benny, Mary Livingstone, Phil Harris, Don Wilson, Rochester, Schlogalmeyer, Steve Bradley, Fred Allen
The transcript of “The I Can't Stand Jack Benny Because Contest”, an episode of Jack Benny first broadcast December 2, 1945. Press a time to play from that line (a 60-second preview; Potato Plus plays it all). The Jack Benny Program plays Jack Benny free, live around the clock. Search inside this transcript.
Transcript
K-F-I, Los Angeles. Spellbound. David O. Selznick presents Ingrid Bergman and Gregory Peck in the screen's most masterful achievement in suspense. Alfred Hitchcock's Spellbound. C. Spellbound today, Grouman's Chinese Low-State Fox Uptown. The Jack Benny program presented by...
L-S-M-F-T, L-S-M-F-T, L-S-M-F-T, that's right. You bet and how lucky strike means fine tobacco, so round so firm so fully packed, so free and easy on the draw. No cigarette is any better than the tobacco that's bought for it, and at market after market, I've seen lucky strike consistently by fine tobacco.
tobacco that is sweet as a nut, better aroma, thoroughly ripe and thoroughly mellow. So when it comes to my own cigarette, I naturally choose Lucky's. Yes, Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. So smoke that smoke of fine tobacco, Lucky Strike.
The Lucky Strike program starring Jack Benny with Barry Livingston, Phil Harris, Rochester, Larry Stevens and yours truly, Don Wilson. And now, ladies and gentlemen, we bring you the star of our program, a man who has successfully run the gamut of show business from A to Z, Jack Benny.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Hello again, this is Jack Benny talking and down. That was the nicest introduction you've ever given me. And you're absolutely right. My career has covered show business from A disease.
From actor to zombie. From actor to zombie. Mary, that wasn't a nice thing to marry. What's a zombie? A zombie is a man who came to a fork in the road. He went one way and his blood went the other.
What? That's right, Jack. A zombie is a man with hollow eyes, a vacant stare. Although he's really dead, he still walks around. So that's... Mary, how many times have I told you not to mention Fred Allen on this program?
…
What? Now I'm busy tonight. They may bolt. I wonder what kind of a contest he's gonna have. Yeah, I can't imagine Mr. Benny giving away $10,000. Neither can I. I'll bet he marries the winner.
But supposing a man wins it. If I know Mr. Benny, he'll dress up like Charlie's and have a nearly ceremony and make a quick trip to Reno. Yeah, I'll bet he would. Say, Gertrude, I wonder what Mr. Benny puts on his lips.
Why? I went out with them once. Kiss them good night and I couldn't open my mouth for three days. I'm able to flap, saddle. You just made that up. How's Gertrude? It's the truth. Cross my switchboard and hope to dial Van Johnson.
See, Van Johnson, what a face. Two baby blue eyes gazing out through a cluster beautiful freckles. Stop talking about him. I nostrils are twitching. You know, go to it. He's the answer to National Broadcasting Company. I'm sorry that Mr. Benny cannot be destroyed. You're welcome. Oh, for heaven's sake. Hello?
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