To Buy or Not Buy a Toupee

The curtain is lowered, the studio darkened, the camera starts, and we bring you the latest news of the week. Bedlam News, sees nothing, shows all. Baseball, sees and opens, and crowds strong parks to greet their favorites.

New York City, Mrs. Oswald Snug, buys first ticket for the Giants opening game. You have to wait in line very long to buy the first ticket, Mrs. Snug. Well, I stood my ground for two days and two nights, but it's worth it.

Are you a regular baseball fan? Fan, nothing. I don't even care about the game. My husband ran away two years ago, and I hear he's playing second base for the Giants. If he is... If he is, you'll see he gets home all right now.

You said it, busybody. Mr. Adam Hartburn buys the first Frankbooner. You are getting red hot, getting them all out of here. Hey, let me have one of them pork sephlin's son. Mustard and chili? Yeah, give me the word.

Pardon me, will you pose for a picture, Mr. Hotburn? Oh, you bet. Catch me taking a first bite. Okay, man, bite's dog. This is news. Rome, Italy, Premier Mussolini, levies 50% tax on all bachelors.

Single man venture opinions behind closed doors. Mr. Garibaldi, Monty. I got a nut job. I got a nut wife. I got a nut. But I got a pay 50%. There's a no place like a room.

Silvestigalopi, man about what's left of town. Shoe, 50% of tags. Madid man, got a better half. Single man, he's not got an aquana. I'm lucky I got a black shirt. I got an autore sent to the laundry.