He Caught His Wife Kissing a Stranger

Which week celebrates his 30th anniversary as an entertainer of his Majesty the Great American Public. Meet Fred Allen in person. Thank you, Andrew. Thank you. And good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Say, Harry, I wish you hadn't brought up my 30th anniversary.

You make me feel like an old man. Now, after all, I'm not creeping around the microphone here, am I? Well, Fred, you're not exactly bounding around like a gazelle. Well, I am not here for Nadagio audition Harry.

Although I... Oh, that was a beautiful leaf, you two. I... Nothing to compare with the leaf I once took at the end of 13 weeks on the Lynet program. When the occasion warrants Harry speaking about my senility, who's got Croupe? Is that in the orchestra?

I think that we can ask you to stop bringing those people from the crook theater in here. And the occasion, when the occasion warrants, I can give vent to the fawn in me and frisk about like a centaur.

Like a centaur. That's very good. What is a centaur? Well, many people think that a centaur is an interlocutor in a football line, but that is not it. A centaur, Harry, is a fabled monster who has the body of a man from the waist up And from the waist down the centaur is a horse.

Is the picture clear? Well, yes, you're a centaur, all right. Now look, if I were a real centaur, Harry, and I walked up to you, you wouldn't know whether to shake hands or put $2 on me.

Well, never mind the centaur, but is this really your 30th anniversary? Yes, Harry. I made my first stage appearance doing a juggling act in 1910. By the time I had picked up all of the things I dropped That first show, it was 1912.