Fibber McGee and Molly: Fibber's Car is Stolen

The Johnson Wax Program with Fiverr McGee and Molly. The makers of Johnson's Wax and Johnson's self-polishing blowcoat present Marion and Jim Jordan as Fiverr McGee and Molly with Bill Thompson, Jimmy Shields and Billy Mills Orchestra.

The show opens with Rise and Shine. For most of us, these are the bad weather days, and that means that floors come in for more than their usual punishment. Kitchen floors especially. The milkman, the delivery boy, your own children, track in and out.

And if it weren't for Johnson's self-polishing blowcoat, down on your knees half the time keeping your kitchen floor clean. With glowcoat on your linoleum the job is easy. Wet footprints and stains are quickly wiped up with a damp cloth.

Glowcoat is a protection guarding the linoleum against wear and preserving the colors in all their fresh beauty. And of course there's practically no work at all to applying glowcoat. It's self-pallishing, it shines while it dries without any rubbing or bumping. You simply apply and let dry. In twenty minutes you have a sparkling floor, easy to keep clean, and

And you've saved yourself hours of work. Johnson's self-pallishing blowcoat is a labor saver for your wood floors, too, varnished or painted. Save yourself the work of floor scrubbing. Take life easier by using Johnson's blowcoat, the easy-to-use floor polish.

For Shakespeare, who said, beware the Ides of March, for then, Violet, he will pay double lift caught with ye last year's license plates.

And so here, approaching the Auto License Bureau, we find Faber-McGee and Molly. I sure hate to get a new license just when I got the old one memorized. I never could memorize it. How'd you ever do it, Diddy?

Well, it was kind of tough, but I don't. I can even give it to you backwards. 987-456-G-12. Oh, wonderful. Now, what is it for? Search me. All you got to do is write that down on a thin piece of paper and hold it up to the light.

Excuse me buddy, could you spare a dime for a cup of coffee? You betcha bud. Here. Hey, how'd you get that black eye? I was in a fight. I seen a cigar stub on a sidewalk and another guy jumped me claim saying I claims it was mine and he claims it was his. Oh, heavenly days. How disgusting. Are you sure it was yours?

Lady, it was nobody else's butt. Thanks, Doc. Nobody else's, but... Help the next time he tells a stub, he stubs his toe. Oh, say, look, Maggie, all the people waiting in line for licenses. Why would it be all day getting up to the counter?

Oh, no, we won't. Just follow me in act nonchalant. We'll walk right up to the head of the line. Here, hold my hand. But now, Maggie... I'll quietly take it easy and follow me. Excuse me, folks! I left my hand in here when I got my license.

Excuse me, please. Well nice work, McGee. Here's your hat. Thanks. I Was afraid you dropped in front of that crowd. I'd hate to get caught with my hat down. Oh My goodness look who's just leaving the counter McGee. Well, well, Mrs. Huffington page 14 in the American album of familiar faces Oh, how do you do, Mrs. Upington so nice to see you. Well, how do you do Mrs. McGee and Mr. McGee? I

I'll be. Imagine making you here, Mrs. Appington. Yes, imagine. Small world, innit? Yes, positively stuffier times. My goodness, Mrs. Appington, are all those license plates yours? What are you planning to do, shingle a garage?

Oh, no, my dear. But I insist that my shoe fair put on clean license plates. Every time he washes the car, they do get so dirty, you know. Oh, yes, indeed. Yeah, and you gotta watch out for garter runs in your radiator hose too.

Yes, can't keep car too dady, I always say. Is that what you always say? It's what I always say. Really? Don't you get tired of it? Oh, but look here, Mrs. McGee, at my new license numbers, they all have 23 of them.

Oh, yes, my numerologist says I vibrate to the number 23. Oh, you don't say, Mrs. Edmonton. Isn't that interesting? Now McGee says he simply shakes for a seven or eleven. Tell me, Mrs. Upington, who is your numerologist?

I go to the Swamis, then Galley. They say such splendid things about him really. I don't know about him, I think somebody's been giving you a bum seer. Good joke, A-Up-E. Mr. McGee, just a medium joke. Good-bye.

Her and her fortune tellers. Incidentally, Molly, you know why all them fortune tellers wear a towel around their heads? No, why? Being experts on the future, they always try to look like the morning after.

Don't you get it, Molly? I say... Ain't funny, Miggy. I know it. I know it. Years ago, a fortune teller told me I'd never get that gag across. Well, come on, Molly, let's get our license.

Hey, bud, how about a little service? Yes, we want some license plates, sir. Yes, madam, have you a pink slip? And now it's Marv a peach color with it. Oh! He means the application, Molly.

Oh, yeah. Here you are, bud. Yeah, thank you. I see your car's a 1916 model. Yeah, that was a leap year, so we bought a puddle jumper. Very well. Here you are, sir. $16, $8 a plate.

Wow, eight bucks a plate. What is this? A Jackson day dinner? Okay, bud. Here you are. Well, let's go, Molly. Oh, one wrap, I'm dear. Let's see what number we got. Okay. Oh, boy. WV9634-867-G-17-Q-67-8.

Boy, this is wonderful. What's so wonderful about that? What motor cop can write that down without making a mistake? What's the matter? Where's our car? Our car's gone. Somebody stole our car! Haven't leave days.

Oh, Miley, I gotta report this to the police right away. All right. You do that while staring across the street and pay the gas bill. Dad, Dad, what's so important about paying the gas bill?

Well, it's the October bill and I want to get the discount. Go ahead, you run over to the gas company and I'll stop in the Puff Cigar store here in Phone. I'll meet you right outside the Puff.

All right, Miley. I'll meet you right outside the pub. Alright, he's ready. That rat, the dad, rat, the rattle trap. Hey, Gus, let me use your phone, will ya? Somebody just swipe my car. Sure, Fibber, help yourself.

Thanks. Hello, operator, give me the police department. Oh, is that you, Mert? I was every little thing, Mert. Says, eh? What's he? You're a brother. He broke a leg and they had to shoot him, eh?

Who did, Fibber? Mert's brother, the one that works in the music store. He broke a leg off a grandparent He broke a leg off a grandparent and they had to shoot him another one from the factory.

Is he going to laugh, Gus? Huh? Oh, sure. Ha ha ha. Hey, Mert, give me the police. Quick. Thanks. Hello, police. I want to report a stolen car. Huh? Fiverr McGee, 79 Whistler Vista. No, just now. It was parked just south of 14th and Oak.

Yeah, near the corner it mightn't mean. Yeah. Description? Well, I'm warning you you'll have a hard time spotting my car because I just polished it with Johnson's car. I just polished it with Johnson's car now.

Ha ha ha. Okay, okay, just a commercial. Why, you'll recognize it by the right front bender. Huh? No, it fell off in 1932. Yeah. Now put it on the radio, will you, officer? Okay, okay.

You better tell the windshield, too. Thanks, boys. Goodbye. How much obliged, Gus? You're welcome. Oh, very army. What took you so long? Mert. But I phoned the cops, Molly, and they'll be right after... Oh, McGee, I phoned the car.

Did you see it? Halfway down the street there? Where? Oh, well, I'll be a gap in the dialog. You sure will. I sure was. They bring it back, Molly. They didn't know such a thing it wasn't stolen.

What you mean, we parked it halfway along the line of people waiting for licenses, didn't we? Certainly, but while we were inside, the line got twice as long. Oh, that's it. Well, that's a good thing.

If that car was really stolen, I'd play Billy, er... Play Billy what? That's all, just play Billy. The old license plates all off. Oh, that's fine. How long will it take to put the new ones on?

After the way I get home to put the new ones on, I busted the string I had the old ones tied on with. Oh, come on, get in the car, am I? Wait a minute, McGee. Who's that man coming this way?

Oh, that's Mr.... What is his name? I can't think of it. His face is certainly familiar, but I can't place him. Neither. I know. Just as well. I'll find out as I talk to him.

Well, hello there, Mr. McGee. Hello, Mrs. McGee. Oh, hello there. Hi, Bob. Well, glad to see you again. and how's everything with you mister mcgee all just fine but just fine how's everything with you all same old thing you know how it is all sure or you better i know how it is

how is it i say uh... but uh... we ought to see more of each other working i get hold of these days well i'm still at the same old place uh... same old place uh...

That's great. Nothing like being in the same old place, is there? Oh, so nothing like it. Say you better give me that phone number again. I never can remember it. Oh, don't worry about my phone number, Mr. McEeg.

You can always find it in the book. Oh, well, that's right. Silly of me. Well, you give me a ring sometime, but we must have lunch together. Swell I do. Usual place? Oh, sure. Sure, usual place.

Well, so long, kid. Well, so long, Mr. McGee. Goodbye, Mrs. McGee. Goodbye, Mr.... Goodbye. That better. Who is he? Don't you know yet? No. I know that guy as well as I know my own brother.

You haven't got a brother. Oh, that's right. I haven't had one. Maybe that's why I can't place him. That's it. Oh, a little come to me. Well, get in the car, Molly. We better get going.

Hello there, Johnny. Hello, daughter. How about a lift? Which way are you going? Which way are you going, Mr. Old Timer? Ask you first. We're going east, old timer. Up in. Thanks, Johnny. I'm going west, so I'll sit facing backward.

What's been doing? Oh, waiting for a sound effect. Just got our new license plates, old timer. That's so. Just been getting me a plate, too. Is that so? License? Nope. Dental?

Nope. Printing? Nope. Give up? Give up? Yes. What kind of a plate did you get? Blue. Well, I certainly fell for that one. Hey! You kind of got me there, old timer. As the suit says when it was handed down from father to son, it looks like I've been taken in.

That's pretty good, Johnny. But that ain't the way I hear it. The way I hear it one player says to Tyler, feller. Hey, he says. Did you see me take that last corner on two wheels?

Nope, says Totherfeller. It ain't that kind of risky. Not for me, says the first fellow. I've been riding this bicycle for years. Hey, slow down, leave me off, kid. Okay. Who left Johnny? See you too.

That old fossil I'm getting so I feel pretty strongly about meeting him weekly. Oh, look out, Maggie. Red light. Stop. Okay. Oh, Mickey, look, there's Mr. Widdtox. Huh? Where? In that car that just pulled up beside us.

You're home, Mr. Widdtox. What's he trying to say? I can't make out a word of it. Well, no wonder our wind is closed. Let it down. Can't there's no handle on it. Well, we've got to hear what he's saying.

He's all excited about it. Give me that monkey wrench. I'll open the window. Here. Thanks. I say traffic lights always remind me of Johnson's self-tune. Well, it's always remind me of Johnson's self-polishing vocal. Stop and go.

Stop worrying about your housework and go out to a movie. Stop that old-fashioned scrubbing and go modern the go-code way. You got the idea, Vibber? And to think I busted a window for this. Well, you see, we want every housewife to know how to have a sparkling, easy to clean kitchen floor.

Give your linoleum a facial treatment with Johnson's self-polishing glo-code girls, and you'll get a permanent rave from your friends. Ask anybody that uses it and you'll find it. Ah-ha, saved by the bell. Well, so long, folks.

You know, McGee, I think Mr. Wheelcox is the most enthusiastic salesman I ever knew. I'll say so. He's terrific and terrific. Oh. Look, McGee, here comes the motorcycle, policeman. Let's make a wish. What do you mean, make a wish?

Well, that's the first star we've seen tonight. All right, you'll pull over to the car. Gotta get them brakes fixed. to say nothing of this car. Well, gangbuster, what if anything is on your mind?

If any? Get out of that car, both of you. No tricks. You're driving a stolen car. Oh, I am not. This is my car. I reported it stolen, and I found I just forgot where I parked it.

Why, sure. We were going to call the police just as soon as we got home. Sure. That's what the aisle's saying. Now walk slowly ahead of me over to that call box, but I tell a phone for the Trump wagon.

Now, wait a minute, Officer. This is all a mistake. I'm Pivramigee. Oh, sure. Sure. And I'm Rudy Vellie. I owe everybody. You'll be sorry for this, Officer. Show him some identification, dearie. OK, I will. I'll show him my elk's tooth.

Oh, Shucks, I ain't got a thing with me. I left all my papers in my other suit. Go on with you. with you. Anybody with two suits wouldn't be wearing the one you got on.

Now come along with you, no more of your gap. You listen here, I'll sue the whole dad-rudded police force for this. What's your shield number, officer? What? We want your shield number. Oh, the shield number is over the rainbow.

We can hear it while we wait for the wagon door. Okay, okay. The number shields. Sing, Jimmy. And that I heard of once in a lullaby And that you dare to some day I'll wish upon a star And wake up where the clouds are far behind me

Where troubles melt like lemon drops away Above the chimney cup over the rainbow Why, then, oh, why, past happy little bloopers fly beyond the rainbow?

Why, oh, why, cah? Step up to the desk. Leave up at the desk. You're charged with driving a stolen car. Well, now, listen, it's all a mistake, Officer. That was our own car. Look, here, I'm Trevor McGee, and I'm a well-known citizen in this town.

How about you, madam? Who do you claim you are? I'm Mrs. Fiver McGee. Still sticking to your story, eh? I've been stuck with that one for 25 years. And if you'll give me just one hour to find somebody to identify us, I'll prove it.

All right, I'll give you a break, one hour. Now, McGee, if I can't find anybody by midnight, I'll send over your pajamas. Okay, you better make it my stripe at once. Now look here, my fine-feather trend.

I don't want to threaten nobody, but if I ain't out of here inside of two hours, it'll happen. I wish I knew. I knew. Precinct Station, Lieutenant Brarby. Yes? Oh, hello there. Oh, yeah. Sure.

How's it with you? Oh, fine. Sure. Okay. What? Oh, that's pretty good. So long, Mert. Hey, what's that, Mert? Hey, hey, she can identify me. Oh, she can, eh? How do you know Mert? My shucks, I talk to her on the phone, her on the phone, putting her every day. Me and murder old pals.

Oh, you are. I guess she just gets an osm for somebody to talk. Hey, put that gun down. What did I do? I didn't... That was my wife I was talking to. Oh, well, I meant murder, telephone operator.

I'll forget it, but I just thought of just a slip of the... Oh, hello there, Mr. Boomer. Oh, there, Lieutenant. Just cropped in to make little contribution to the police pension fund. Here you are, $1,000.

Well, thank you very much. Hey, Boomer, you can tell the quiet there you. The boys will appreciate this very much, Mr. Boomer. They've been working very hard lately. The bank robbery last night, you know.

Yes, I know. Terrible crime, wasn't it? And do you think that rascals like that gone punished, I hope? Listen, Boomer, tell the lieutenant who I am. Well, I want to get out of here. You know this man, Mr. Boomer.

Come to think of various faces familiar. There might have been something I ate. What does he say his name is? Fiverr McGee and you know it. McGee McGee, now let me see. I have such a large circle of acquaintances.

It makes me a little dizzy. Let me look at my address book. Now, where I put that address book? Have it right here, some playing. Come on, Boomer. Just because we never have been warm friends is no reason to leave me in the cooler.

Don't be so crusty, Shorten Brad. Have my address book right here, some plays. someplace a dressbook at Graspour. His bottle of fingerprint remover. They move his fingerprints from loose diamonds. Also remove the diamonds. Sometimes the fingers. Here's a repossessed to pay. The owner was snatched ball headed. Box of sashay powder tied up with a ragged shoestring.

Ah, yes, lavender and old laces. Here's a slave bracelet. I set it free from a jewelry store night before last. Pair of loaded dyes. Those are the bones I have a feeling in. I'm going to win some money this evening.

McChek for a short beer. Well, well, imagine that. No address book. Oh, listen, Boomer. Help me. Now I'll have to start all over. Write down my friend's names. Write down their addresses. Wonder where I live myself?

Oh yes, right down my alley. How could they do tenants along, Bill, huh? Mr. Boomer certainly appreciates how hard we work. Every time there's a bank robbery, he donates a lot of money to the pension fund.

Oh, oh, he does, does he? Well, if you can't make a simple deduction, any better than that, I pity you on March 15th. Oh, be quiet, I have work to do. Now you'll have more work to do when my wife gets back.

Here I am, dearie. Oh, there you see. Oh, what luck, Molly? Oh, everything's all right, McGee. I've got Mr. Gillis' sleeve with me. Come on in, Mr. Gillis' sleeve. Thank you. And now, will you tell me what this is all about?

I didn't tell him what I wanted him for, dearie. I was afraid he wouldn't do it. Oh, he'll do it, all right. Won't you kill the old man, old pal? Do what? What is this?

How do you do, Mr. Gillis' sleeve? We've arrested this man on a charge of possessing a stolen car. Oh, you have, eh? Heh heh heh heh heh heh. Heh heh heh. Yeah, uh, who's car in any steel?

He longs to someone named, uh, Fibber McGee. Fibber McGee, eh heh. Oh, cut it out, Gilder Sleeve. How can you laugh when I'm sitting here like a bird in a gilly cage? Who reported this car stolen, Lieutenant?

It was, uh, Fiverr McGee, sir. Fiverr McGee, uh... But the funniest part of all, Mr. Gilder Sleeve is this. The prisoner claims that he's Fiverr McGee. Now, now, Mr. Gilder Sleeve, that is a neighborly.

Oh, come on, Gilder Sleeve. How can you forget me? Well, do you remember the way I stole your dress suit last week? What's that? What's that you stole what you stay out of this you're only a cop it's none of your business what I stole Sorry, I didn't mean to be personal Now Gilder sleeve go ahead and identify me can you do it sir of course I can officer this man is the most unreliable

little purvericator in the state and he responsible little squirt who's continually involved in all sorts of scrapes and messes Incidentally, he's also February Well, thanks for identifying me, Gilder Sleeve. But you didn't have to be so specific.

Well, thank goodness. Now you can do home, dearie. Not so fast, Mrs. McGade, that charge still stands against your husband until we straighten this out. But here's what I'll do. I know Mr. Gilder Sleeve personally.

I'll release your husband in his custody. Will you take the responsibility, Mr. Gilder Sleeve? My custody, eh? Yes, yes, all right. I'll do it. Thank you, sir. And remember, McGade, you ought to report to Mr. Gilder Sleeve every morning and night.

every morning and night. Yes, sir. And your two will be any orders he may give you. Yes, sir. If you don't, you'll be remanded to jail at once. Yes, sir. You may go now. Thanks, bud.

Oh, no, no, no, no. Mr. McGee, the other door, please. That door leads to the cell block. I know it, but if it's a choice between a clink and a clump, I'll take the clink.

Lock me up. I will be back in just a moment. In the meantime, I'd like to make a suggestion that I know will be very helpful to many of you. It's this. Protect your window sills with genuine Johnson's wax.

Then when snow or rain come in the open window at night, you simply wipe off the sill and the finish is as good as ever. Soot and dirt wipe off easily too. Protecting windowsills is just one of the 100 extra uses listed right on the Johnson's Wax package.

Try waxing your table tops, painted woodwork, parchment lampshades, luggage and other leather goods. The wax protects the surfaces from scratches and wear, keeps them from drying out, and saves hours of cleaning. Besides this protection, genuine Johnson's Wax adds rich mellow beauty to your home.

Johnson Wax floors grow more beautiful with every application. Cleaning is easier throughout the year. But be sure to ask for the genuine Johnson Wax based or liquid used by careful housekeepers for over 50 years.

Folks, you've just heard the 232nd broadcast in the Johnson Wax series. Hi, Mr. Oh, bother me now, little girl, I'm making an announcement. We're going off the air. Oh, gee, for good. No. Just for tonight.

And take that pleased expression off your face. I'll go away. Ladies and gentlemen... Hey, Mr. Oh, what do you want? You know that candy rabbit chicken me for Christmas and remember? Yeah, what about it?

Candy pie. Well, I haven't. You think I always carry candy rabbits around with me? Mm-hmm. I says, no, I haven't. What'd you do with the one I gave you Christmas? Well, I carried it around and played with it and took it to school with me and slept with it and showed it to everybody

and finally that's a darn dirty ahead to eat it. Good night. Good night, all. This is Harlow Wilcox, speaking for the makers of Johnson's Wags and Johnson's self-collishing, low court racing Wisconsin. And running you all to join us again next year's tonight at the same time.

Good night. This is the National Broad Justin Company.