Fibber McGee and Molly: Gone With The Wind

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Night is a big night in West Provista, or gone with the wind is having its formal opening at the Beijou Theatre. The cream of society will be there. So here in their living room, getting ready to use the tickets someone mysteriously sent them.

We find the underdone bottom of Westphovista's upper crust, Fivermigee and Molly. Hey, Molly, where'd you put that button hook? Button hook. Yeah, button hook. McGee, don't tell me you're going to a formal opening wearing the mealy shoes with the box toes now.

Well, I'm Molly, you know I wouldn't do no on-coot stuff like that there. I want to use it to button my vest. Oh, I see. There we go. Well, I hope Harlow Wilcox remembers to send over that size 17 collar.

McGee, are you sure there was no message with those tickets? Nope, just the two tickets in an envelope slipped under the front door. Well, I hope we can find out who sent him so we can thank him.

Yeah, you bet. It's harder to get tickets for the opening tonight than it is to get a needle through the eye of a camel. Now, what's so hard about getting a needle through the eye of a camel?

There's no eye in camel. Don't you get it, my eye? I says it's hard. Can't funny, McGee. Oh, well, it's educational. As I always say, you got a... Oh, daughter! Hello, Johnny! Oh, hello there, old-timer.

Did you have a nice Christmas? Sure did! Care to buy a nice Christmas tree? Now, what would we be doing with a Christmas tree this time of year? Dang! We don't need one, old-timer. Our carpet is so full of needles now we're thinking of running sleeping quarters to a couple of Hindu fakers.

Good, Johnny. But that ain't the way I hear it. Hear it when Fuller says to tell the feller, say, hey, hey, he says. What's this sleep here everybody's making such a fuss about? Ain't you hear, says tell the feller?

That's the time when a girl who's at loose ends has a chance to get tied up. Almost didn't make it. Oh, say, I almost forgot. I almost forgot. Here's the collar Mr. Wilcox in over.

Oh, the collar, yeah, thanks. Oh, just a second, old timer. Here's a dime for your trouble. A dime? Well, split my lip and call me chappy. No, no, won't take it. Why not, old timer?

I'd lose 15 cents on the deal. Well, how come? I bet Mr. Wilcox a quarter that you wouldn't give me anything. So long to do. Can you beat that, Molly, trying to get money out of Harlow and me?

Yeah. Gets my goat the way that old tin type is developing. Well, I'm ready, dearie. Okay, help me on with my tuxedo coat, will ya? Okay. Now take it easy, Maggie. Yeah, I ain't had this coat on since Tapp was inaugurated.

Oh, dear, oh, dear. Now you've done it, Maggie. Oh, dear, oh, dear. Is it bad, Molly? It's worse than that. It's split all the way up the back. Oh, dear, dear, dear. Well, as the Delic Fessen man said to the customer, here's a pretty pickle.

Now, listen here. It's no time for joke, McGee. You hurry right over to the tailor and have him end your coat. Okay, Molly. And go out the back door. It's quicker than that. Okay. Things always happen when a fella's in a big herd.

Oh, oh, ooh. Oh, oh. Oh, that rat the dead rat it rattled. Never seen it to fail when a fella's in it hurries. Hey, what's that hanging on Gilder sleeve's clothesline? Why, it's a full dress evening coat, tails, and everything.

B head Gilder sleeve would never miss it if I sneaked into the yard and borrowed that coat for a couple of hours. Oh, but of course I'd never dream of doing such a thing. This gate of his doesn't squeak.

Shh, quiet, McGee. Okay, I'll be quiet. Mmm, well, feels like a nice coat. I'll try it on. Say, it fits me pretty good. Hey, I know what I'll do. I'll hang my torn coat up in its place.

There she be. Oh, oh, for I'll shoot. Don't shoot, don't shoot, you'll just leave. It's just me. You're a neighbor. What are you doing in my backyard at this time of the night neighbor? Well, I was just looking for our cat.

I thought it's straight in here. Here, pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy. What kind of a looking cat is it, McGee? Oh, well, it's one of them Maltese cats. Kind with a long orange hair and no tail, hardly.

Well, well, that's very interesting. Yeah, what do you call it? Oh, we just call it a... ...mater. Mater, yeah. Here, mater. Milk! Mater milk, huh? Yeah. That's very good, McGee. Or is it? Here, push it, push it, push it.

Oh, here, push it, push it. Here, push it, push it, push it. Here, push it, push it, push it. Here, push it, push it, push it. Here, push it, push it, push it. Look here, McGee. I wasn't the one who lost your cat. You can't make me find it either.

I'm going in the house. Mall to milk. Good night! You almost caught me then. Well, I better get back home now. I'll put Gildy's coat back when we get home from the B's. You'll know he'll ever be the wiser.

How are you back there, Eerie? Yep. How do I look? Oh, where did you get that lovely, swallowtail coat? Well, it wasn't time to get mine fixed, so I just borrowed this one. Oh. Fits like a glove, don't it?

Certainly does. Especially over the hands. We'll have to wear them gloves. Well, why's Will get started, Molly? Where'd you put the tickets? Here they are stuck in the mirror. But for the life of me, McGee, I still can't see why they were sent to us.

Now, don't worry about those tickets, Molly. All famous critics get theater tickets on occasions like this here. like this here and since when were you a famous theater critic why didn't I ever tell you about the time I was dramatic editor the old Chicago blaze thousand times why I was so powerful that every time I wrote a favorable criticism of a

show it would act as a hypodermic at the box office hypercritical McGee I was known as hypercritical McGee the canis connoisseur of culture that ever calmly called the cards on current camera crop candidly cussing the crummy quality of thumbs equations and continually causing chorus cuties to cry by composing cruel and cutting comments. Commonly cracking the conceit of countless

corny clowns by constantly clunking course comedians over the comp with critical cabbages, cantaloupes, cauliflowers and cobblestones and curling the condensed cream of common kindness from the common noble concessions of kankake to the let's go to the show. Mrs. McGee.

Face right here, Molly, right next to the theater. Good thing I got them brakes fixed. The parking lot, McGee. It's more uptown, you know. Didn't you see that sign, Molly?

15 cents for the first hour, 25 cents for all evening, and 50 cents for Gone With The Wind. Oh, let's hurry, McGee. I can hardly wait to see Sam's Nick O'Hara. Oh, how do you do, Mrs. McGee?

And Mr. McGee. Oh, how do you do, Mrs. Upington? Hi, Upey. McGee, maybe she sent us those tickets. I'll find out. Well, I see you're going to be present when Gone With The Wind opens, Upey.

Oh, yes, yes. It's going to be most exclusive, you know. Oh, yeah. Yes, only the social leaders of the community have been invited. Oh, yeah. We got a pair of tickets. Oh. Oh, is that so?

Oh, yes. No, Molly, it wasn't her. Well, you look very swanky, tonight, Uppy. All dressed up like Mrs. Aster's Horse Plush. Oh, okay. Thank you and speaking of horses Mr. McGee your tales are dragging. Oh yes.

You know the men are wearing them longer this year. My you look so charming Mrs. McGee. Oh thank you. Oh I always liked that dress. I believe it's the one I gave to the rummage. Say last fall. Yes dearie. I cut it down to fit me and had enough material I left over to make a fine pair of drapes for me sipping room.

Score one for the home team. Say happy, how do you like the string of pearls I got, Molly, for Christmas? Oh, that's a vain, look. But don't you think they'd look better, Mrs. McGee, if you took them out of the shelves?

Bow ball. Oh, and tell me, my dear, where did you get those shoes? I must buy a pair just like some for my cook. I bought them at the Bon Con, Diddy. Your mother waited on me.

There goes the ball game, folks. My mother. Oh, oh, oh, you got me. Oh, goodbye. Nice goin', Molly. It's four old puppies. She hasn't got any more glamour than a bad cold. Uh, tickets, please.

Huh? Oh, yes. Here you are, bud. Left aisle, please. Okay, bud. Well, come on, Molly. Oh, come on Molly the news reel is just starting My my it's dark in here McGee. Yeah, they make it that way so you can see the picture better Just follow me Molly. Oh, here we are and becoming Molly this way my

Hi fellas RC's Molly There. Ah, fine. Well, hello there, Fiverr and Molly. Oh, hello, Mr. Willcox. Say, Harlow, are you the unknown friend who sent us tickets for these seats? Well, I know, folks. In fact, I didn't pay for my ticket either.

The management gave me a pass. A pass? Yeah, I got it for my work in building up the matinee business here. Oh. Oh. Hmm. As Mrs. O'Leary's car said to the lantern, I know I'm putting my foot in it, but...

Ha. How did you build up the matinee business, Mr. Willcox? Well, because every day more housewives are discovering how simple it is to protect and beautify floors and linoleum with Johnson self-follishing blowcoats. It's a loudest to be thought.

Someone might hear you. Oh, well, well, it's not only simple but it's labor-saving. Johnson's blowcoats. Oh, Johnson's blowcoat is giving these ladies more leisure to enjoy the better things of life. Oh, yes, I see.

More time to read books, to rest and relax and to attend matinees at the B.U. Theatre. Well, I'll be a censored cognomen. Hey, watch my seat for me, Fiverr. I'll be right back. Okay, pal. Hurry back.

Hey, Molly. Hand me the peanut brittle. Oh. Watch the news, Ria. Okay, okay. Fire there, my dear. And a good evening to you, fizzle fizz. Oh, hi, Boomer. Is this seat taken? Yes, it is.

All right, I'll sit down there. Hey, what are you doing with that parachute, Boomer? Quiet, Sapo Dillo. I just crashed. Oh dear, here comes the usher. Pardon me, sir, but can I look at your ticket stub?

Who, me? Yes, sir. Ticket stub? Ticket stub. See, where I put that ticket stub? Let me see, here's a small meat act. Very handy when you encounter a road hog. Oh, here's a message that my cousin from Australia phoned.

It says, uh, Melbourne, Jade Boomerang. Yes, indeed, an unstrung zither. I've been playing fast and loose with a musical widow. An emergency hair curler for ladies in straightened circumstances. Ah, here's a second hand, second hand, with watch a tat.

Chain must have got caught on my coach's sleeve. Or some other far-fetched excuse. A little pipe of my own invention made out of myershaam with a lead bottomed. Equally good for smoking or slugging. Well, imagine that, no ticket stub.

What small eyes seem to be a check for a beer short. Then you haven't got a ticket stubby. Haven't I, my lad? Strange, I must have picked up the wrong wallet tonight. Oh, what does that sign say over there?

Don't walk to the nearest exit. Fearless advice, I'll take a good night, my dear, so long, patty way. Imagine that guy crashing in here, Molly. He's got more brass than a nine-dollar tuba. Same again. Stop squirming around.

Well, I'm... Say, what's that I feel under my feet? Now, don't go bothering them, Molly. That's my shoes. Your shoes? Yeah, they were pinching me and I took them off. Maggie, I'm ashamed. Oh, well, chef, what the fuck am I doing?

Come in here to see gone with the wind, sittin' with the E-light and takin' off your shoes. Nobody'll notice it, I'm wearing my black socks. The idea. Put those shoes right back on this very instance, me gee.

Do I have to? Yes, you have to. Now put them on. All right. I've read it. I can't get my feet back into them. Well, it serves you right for takin' them off in the first place.

Oh, I can't get them on, Molly. Let me see. Oh! Huh? Huh? Maggie, you're trying to put on my shoes. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Let's leave our shoes off, Molly. Here comes gone with the wind.

Ladies and gentlemen, while the audience at the Beijou Theatre is watching gone with the wind, Jimmy Seals will sing all the things you are. Ah! Oh, Thomas, if that makes the lonely more, the breathless cost of evening, That trembles on the drink of a lovely storm

You are the angel's glow that lights the star The dearest things I know are what you are So happy I'm still holding you and so That actually will Those technical shots were terrific

I sure go for that red butler, don't you? The most wonderful picture I've ever seen. I never thought I'd sit through a picture that took four hours, Molly, but this one was sure worth it.

Did you like it, Molly? It was so beautiful. I'd myself so much in all my life. Oh, there not. Don't take on so much. I got a surprise for you, Molly. I know the perfect finish for an evening like this.

Oh, dear, you're all we so thoughtful. Oh, Chuck. What is it? Now let's get a dish of chopped sui, gooey-fooies barbequilly. Gigi, how can you think of a thing like that at a time like this?

We'll do nothing in the kind. Oh well, Chuck. When we get home, I'll fix this a couple of bowls of chili. Well, you're right, Molly. That would be more appropriate. Oh, Gigi, I hate to keep bringing it up, but who could have sent us them nice tickets and why?

Oh, don't quit worrying about the tickets, Molly. Here's the car. Hi, master. Oh, hello there, little girl. Can I have a ride home, please, Mr. Who Can I Play? Sure, but what's a kid your age doing out so late at night, sis?

Curfew must have rung three hours ago. Don't you know what it means when the bell rings at nine o'clock? What? Curfew! It's nine. I guess you don't know what curfew is, Molly. I bet you do too. I bet you. Oh, no, you don't. Oh, yes, I do. Oh, no, you don't. Oh, yes, I do.

Oh, Maggie, stop it. Get in the car. Okay, okay. We'll all get in the front seat. Okay. Up in, sis. Right there. Stayin' up for all hours. Bone rides and gettin' in a buddy's hair.

Hmm? Where have you been to this hour, sis? To see it gone with the land. Oh, say, hit that picture a little too old for you. Oh, no, it's brand new. I meant all, never mind.

Oh, what part of tonight's performance did you like this, sis? The part where Mr. Boman was thrown out of the theater on his parachute. Now I hope you like the rest of the show, too.

Not all of it. Oh, well, now, just what part didn't you like? The Mickey Mouse? Boy. There wasn't any Mickey Mouse. That's the part I didn't like. Oh, gosh. All right, Molly, here we are.

Hey, hey, hey. Come on, little girl. OK. Hey, now, don't forget your package. Oh, thank you, Mr.. Why the way? How did you get a ticket for tonight anyway? Oh, I didn't need any. My pap is the manager of it.

Oh, your pap is the, well, why didn't you ride home with him then? Because he took in almost $1,000 tonight. Wow. And he's afraid to hold up, man, I betcha. Oh, you mean he's carrying all that money home with him?

No, I'm carrying it home with me. So I... Let's get in the house, my Aunt Gethro. Oh boy, I almost forgot about returning this coat to Gilda's leave's clothesline. Now look here, McGee. I've been waiting for you.

Oh, hi, Gilly. Oh, what's on your mind? You know very well what's on my mind. You... You wolf in seep clothing? Oh no, that's my coat. Anyway, when you came into my backyard tonight, looking for that blasted cat of yours...

Why, McGee, wouldn't do a thing like that, Mr. Gildersley. Oh, no. And why not? Because we haven't any cats. Have we, Deary? Excuse me, folks. I think I hear our phone ringing. Stay right there, McGee.

Oh, dear. Don't you try to crawl away with my tails between your legs? Hey, what on earth is he talking about, McGee? I haven't the faintest idea. You have to. I have not. You sneaked into my yard like a snake.

Install my swallowtail off the line. Where I was airing it out after new years. You did it just to keep me from going to the opening tonight. Give me my coat, McGee, right now. Hey, let go of Gilda's sleeve.

Give me a chance to unbutton it. More tricks, eh? No. You give me that. There's the sleeve. You better. What? Give me that. Give me that. There's the other Gilder sleeve. Are you wait a minute, my friend?

You wait a minute before I get heart under your collar. If you give me a chance, I'll take the rest of your coat off myself. There, there you are. Got it off without the button hook, too.

And much obliged. You'll hear more of this, McGee. Good night, Mrs. McGee. Ha ha ha ha. Here, pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy. Oh boy, what a night. Three tickets to Gorn with the wind. The tickets to gone with the wind, Gilder-sleeved tearing up his own squall tail-cold.

Ha ha ha! And now for a big bustin' bullet chili. Ha ha ha ha! Gornin' Molly. Ha ha ha ha! What a nice. Mickey! Huh? Now I know who sent us those tickets. Who? Some burglars.

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It will save you many hours of work in 1940. Well folks, our preacher wasn't really stolen, as a matter of fact we didn't have any in the first place. We did see gone with the wind and all to his wonderful wasn't it McGee? Yes, sir. It sure was. You know what I think Molly

I'll bet you if it was handled right that picture would make a great book good night This is hollow will talk speaking for the makers of Johnson's wags and Johnson's self-fology in close over a scene Wisconsin I'm letting you all to join us again next Tuesday night good night. This is the National Broke Justin Coppola