Buying Alice A Christmas Present

Hollywood, the Phil Harris Alice Fay show. For your enjoyment here is the Phil Harris Alice Fay show, written by Ray Singer and Dick Chevrolet, with Elliot Lewis, Walter Tettley, Robert North, Janine Ruth, and Whitfield, Walter Sharpen is music, yours truly Bill Foreman, and starring Alice Fay and Phil Harris.

It's only a week till Christmas, and Phil is having the same problem that a lot of men are having. What to get his wife for a present? I don't know what to get Alice. She's got everything. A washing machine. An ironing board. Rubber gloves.

Arch supporters. I saw something Alice would love. It's a beautiful mutation mink and it only costs $7,000. What are you, a shill for I.J. Fox? That's all I gotta do. Spend $7,000 for a mutilated mink.

The least you can do is spend a little money on my sister. After all, she spent plenty on you. What did she ever spend on me? I have it all down here in the ledger. Starting from the day she married you, that day alone cost her $1,075.

$1,000? What for? A pinstriped suit, a pair of yellow shoes and a shave. Well, she was a star and I didn't want to look like a bum when I let her down the aisle. Besides that suit and shoes only cost $75.

Now what was the thousand spent for? To hush up the wedding. It cost her a thousand for that. Cost 800 just to have the minister Shanghai to Singapore. Oh, so that's who sent me a postcard from China.

I wanted about that guy. Well, Willie, I don't know. I guess the best thing for me to do is to ask Alice what she wants for Christmas. Hey, Alice. Alice, can I see you a minute there?