Phils Self-improvement

The F.W. Fitch Company, makers of those fine Fitch products, presents the Fitch bandwagon. Starring Alice Bay. You never know that I'm not an artist. I can. And Phil Harris. Don't you come with me to Alabama?

Let's go see my dear old maverickie's frying eggs and boiling hammy. That sugar cured hammy. That red-gravied hammy. And that's what I like about the sound. As you may know, Phil Harris has recently embarked on a program of self-betterment.

The first evidence of this new phase reared its ugly head two weeks ago when Phil announced that he was going to take an adult-sension course at the University of Southern California. But, Phil, you're going to college.

This is ridiculous. It is not. Now, you might not know this, but I've been preparing myself for college for a long time. Yes. Of course, every night for the past three months I've been reading a page out of the Encyclopedia.

Well, I feel that's wonderful. Sure, and I figure if I keep at it I'll be at the bottom of that page by April. And then last week, still following his course of self-improvement, Phil Harris consulted at the ciatus.

Yes, Mr. Harris, as for extensive tests and observation, I've come to the conclusion that you have a strong tendency toward Megalomania coupled with a powerful narcissist complex. This of course is in addition to your inherent schizophrenic maladjustment with overtones of dementia breakouts.

I say, but what does that all mean? Mr. Harris, you are nuts. Undaunted by these experiences, we find Phil Harris the student on last Thursday, burning the midnight oil. Phil, what are you doing? My homework for USC.