Simon, the Waiter, Blackmails Riley

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Presents the life of Riley with William Bendix as Riley. If Chester A. Riley could have one wish, he'd probably wish he could have a thousand eyes. I think it'd keep one eye on his daughter, Babs, and the other's on Babs' 999 boyfriends, none of whom, according to Riley, are up to any good.

For instance, the other night, hiya, down front, I'm home. Oh, it's you, dear. But, yeah, who did you think it was? Well, for a minute I could have sworn it was Carrie Grant. Really? You know, I always thought I looked like Carrie Grant.

Then the light hit your face. Oh, was that so? There ain't such a big difference between Cary Grant's face and mine. We both got a deep cleft, ain't we? Yes, dear. But his cleft is in his chin and yours is in your head.

I resent that, babe. Oh, you're so conceited. I was bowling tonight. Oh, I was great. I bowled Ed Mitchell from the plant, and boy did I beat him. Look, I got a new style. You see, I hold a bowling ball like this at the standby stage.

Don't go that ball. You wait juniors. Oh, the kids are sleep already? The junior is bad to doubt. Out, out where? The Simon'sanderhopper. What? Didn't I tell beds to stay away from that no good loafer?

Now don't start that again. Simon's a nice boy. Some boy. 21 years old. He still plays hopscotch. Oh, he does not. He does so. And what's more, he cheats. That's why you always beats me.