Old Sam's Christmas Pudding

It was Christmas day in the trenches, in Spain and Peninsula War, and Sam Small were clean in his musket, a thing as he'd never done before. They'd had him inspected that morning, and Sam had got into disgrace, for when Sergeant had looked down the barrel, a sparrow flew out in his face.

The sergeant reported the matter to Lieutenant Bird then and there, said Lieutenant, how very disgusting the Duke must be told of this ear. The Duke were upset when he heard. He said, I'm astonished I am.

I must make a most drastic example. There'll be no Christmas pudding for Sam. Sam were informed of his sentence, surprise rooted him to the spot. To as much worse than he had expected, he thought as he'd only be shot.

And so he sat clean in his musket, and polish in, barrel and butt. While the pudding his mother had sent him, lay there in the mud at his foot. Now the centre that Sam's lot were holding, ran around a place called Badajoz, where the Spaniards had put up a bastion, and oh, what a bastion it was!

They pounded away all the morning with canister, grape shot and ball, but the face of the bastion defied them, they made no impression at all! They started again after dinner, bomb-barden as hard as they could, and the Duke brought his own private cannon.

But that weren't a-hapence so good. The Duke said, Sam, put down thy musket, and help me lay this gun true. Sam answered, you best ask your favours, from then as you give put into. The duke looked at Sam so reproachful, And don't take it that way, said he.