Big Trouble in Little China (trailer)

This is Jack Burton in the Pork Chop Express, and I'm talking to whoever's listening out there. It's a pretty amazing planet we live on here, and a man would have to be some kind of fool to think we're all alone in this universe.

There is a hidden world where ancient evil weaves a modern mystery. What's going on here is some kind of magic. The darkest magic. Oh! They call it Little China. Finally we shall bring the border on chaos.

Aah! Aah! It's where big trouble was waiting for Jack Burton. Who? Jack Burton. Me. Jack. Jack? Jack? They told him to go to hell. He'll make one move. Jack! Whoa! And that's just where he's going.

Aah! Somebody, I don't care who tell me what is going on. OOP! UGH! UGH!