The Major and the Minor

The Esther presents the Screen Guild Players. The Screen Guild Player Tonight. The Major and the Minor. The Starling Players. This is Warner Baxter. This is Ruth Warrick. And this is Diana Lynn.

Tonight Lady Esther presents the Screen Guild Players and the Major and the Minor. Adapted for radio from the Paramount Picture of that name by Edward Carpenter and Fanny Schubert. It stars Warner Baxter as Major Kirby, Ruth Warrick as Sue Applegate the minor, and Diana Lynn of the original motion picture cast as Lucy Hill.

When Susan Applegate graduated from the Happy Scalp Hair Treatment School and became a professional Happy Scalper, she thought her troubles were over. But on her first business call, Susan learned they were only beginning, and they began with a corny wolf named Osborne.

What did you say your name was Miss? Applegate, Susan Applegate. Well Miss Applegate, my wife won't be back for several hours, so why not slip out of your wet coat and into a dry martini?

Because I'm here to give you a scalp treatment and that's all. Oh don't be like that Miss Applegate. Applegate. Oh yeah. You see Miss Applegate, I'm a filly won't we man. My only son far away at military school.

Oh, come on, whoa, son, up, Miss Applegate. Look, first we're gonna have a little Twinkie pool, and we're gonna have a little bitey pool, and then a little wumba pool. Mr. Osbourn, you are going to have a scalp massagedy pool.

Oh, how will care, Miss Applegate? I don't know how much influence I have with Happy Scalp, but I've been there very good, quiet for some years, and I've never been tweeted this way before. If I report your attitude...