You Ain't Gettin' Shit For Christmas

One, two, shining in Hey, say Christmas is a time for giving At least that's what the group book says

In an hour's every Christmas Eve When a son and daughter and their families Drived out from the big city For a whole-fashioned family holiday Heck, my address is up the house like a Christmas card You can hear in the kitchen singing While she's baking cookies for the children And she spends hours wrapping the presents

She's been buying since last August She hangs all the stockins all over the fireplace. Man, the morning of I cut me down the prettiest darn Christmas tree ever saw in your life. This year we really outdid ourselves, you know.

Man, I gettin' on and I is, so we decided to give the kids tax-free cash gifts of $10,000 apiece. Well, I reckon it was around noon when I heard the dogs barkin'. Come Reg, come back!

Here is Jim the mailman and his old Santa Cap coming up the wok. Tees of the darks as usual and holding the package. Well he headed over and he says, Pappy, looks like he's gonna open that package from your daughter.

Well my tort opened into both our horrors. We unwrapped a fruitcake with a note that read... Hello my mom and dad. At the last minute we got a cheap bear on the internet and went to Hawaii.

Hold on to our gifts till after the first of the year. Love princess. My eyes are always broken, and I felt a lump in my throat as I thought to myself. You ain't getting shit for Christmas.

I'm the judge, you can stick that cake up your ass. My hasn't had a drink in 20 years, and I've been off the sauce myself for a while now, and heck, if there was ever an excuse to start drinking again, who wouldn't die nation could die of heat?