Memoirs

Folks, be sure to stay tuned to my friend Irma today until the end of the program. When your friend Irma will have a surprising offer to make. There she stands. Irma Peterson, my wonderful roommate.

And a girl who I am proud to say is so stupid she thinks flypaper is the stationary they use in airplanes. That's nothing. Yesterday she took a package of ends and tied them all together.

So I said, Irma, what's the idea? And she said, well, a good housekeeper never leaves any loose ends lying around. The housekeeper's stenographer's businessman, everybody, knows that E-M-N-D-S, the really effective clerical tablets are wonderful to carry around because they stop triple O.

Stop owners of body, orders of breath, order of pence. It's amazing, but one or two tiny ends tablets daily. Haley, stop all three forms of voter offense. Keep you fresh as a daisy all over all day.

And now, in America's most popular chlorophyll tablets, a proud to present your favorite comedy show created by Cy Howard and starring Marie Wilson as Erma and Kathy Lewis as Jane in? My friend, Erma. When you finish that magazine, can I have it?

All right, Jane, I'm just reading the news. I like this. What? It says President Truman to clean house. I guess the maid must have quit. Well, maybe she saw her because she's the only one in Washington who didn't get a mink coat.

Listen to this, Winston Churchill has sold his memoirs to Life Magazine for a quarter of a million dollars. What about it? I wonder what I could get for mine. No, I don't know, 10, 20 years.

No, seriously, I've been keeping a diary, and I think it's so good it can be published. You're kidding. No, it's all about my life from the time I left the farm in Minnesota until the time I came to New York.