Mr. Mob Buster

Isn't Mary Margaret McBride kitty? Long show with Fred's guest Monty Woolley, Portland Hoffa, Minerva Pius's Mrs. Nussbaum, the DeMarco sisters and Al Goodman in his orchestra. And if you ever want to look me up in the phone book girls, my name is Kenny Delmar.

This week ladies and gentlemen, the new American magazine is on the stand. It contains the life story of Fred Allen. Millions of readers are saying who is Fred Allen. There is only one answer to this Fred Allen question and here it is.

Fred Allen. Thank you and good evening. This is Fred Allen in case there is any doubt, ladies and gentlemen. Case the name didn't come up earlier in the program. And good evening ladies and gentlemen say tell me Kenny, did you happen to read the story of my life in the American magazine?

No, Fred. What is it? One of those rags to riches yarn? No, it's from rags to rags, Kenny. I hold my own in the story. You know I was born in Cambridge, Massachusetts. Oh, that must have been a long time ago.

Yes, Kenny, there was no bird life in Cambridge in those days. The stalk used to bring his bundles only as far as Boston, and the American Express delivered the babies the rest of the way.

You were born in a small town. Cambridge was so small when the Siamese twins stood on the main street, one of the twins was out of town, Kenny. The neighbors were so far back in the woods those days, the mayor was an owl.

He used to mold every two years and get back in office. Well, what happened when you got older, Fred? Well, when I was 15, my voice changed and I joined the church quiet. You were a quiet boy?