Archie Tries to Marry a Rich High Society Dame

Bristol Myers, makers of Ipanatooth pace for the smile of beauty and by talus for well-groomed hair, bring you Duffy's Tavern, starring Archie himself, Ed Gardner! Hello Duffy's Tavern, when you leak meat, D-Archie, your man just speaking Duffy ain't here.

Hello Duffy. Ah, Duffy, I'm as happy as I be with the hives. LAUGHTER I'm getting married. Yep, to a very high class society day, mate. I got in touch with her through the lonely hearts club and the police cassette.

Yes, I was intrigued by their slogan. It said Every client comes back in Texas. The girls ain't pretty, but they're awful anxious. Well, I've been corresponding with the Dame Duffy and I'm I'm going to marry.

And no sounds terrific. When you married Mrs. Duffy, she was terrific too. Young and cute and Irish is Patty's pig. Now after 30 years, you wish you'd married the pig. Well, at what point did she start to change?

The minute you carried her over to threshold. Wait a minute. Just a second. How'd you ever carry a fat name like that over to threshold? Two trips. Well, Duffy, I'm glad you see that you've still got a sense of humor about the sweet old fat slob.

Well, I'll call you back. I got a lot of things on my mind. Eddie, when the guy's getting married, he starts walking down the aisle. Which foot does he start with? The left or the right?

Left or right? He's still off on the wrong foot. Why? Why? Well, I'm thinking of committing macherement, you know. Oh, my little toe. Why did I ask you who the lady in question is? Well, the questionable lady happens to be Miss Millicent Van Schnuck.