Granny Ghoul (radio spot, 1969)

I'd as Granny Ghoul, former Peoria Socialite and Silent Movie Vamp. Hi there big boy! Granny, you look absolutely inhuman. Thank you. This is my latest creation. A see-through bell-bottom bedsheet with big holes where my eyes used to be.

Stunning! But tell me Granny, is it true that this mansion is haunted by 999 ghosts? That's right, Super Ray. Devil. But there's always room for one more. Especially if he's as spirited as you seem to be.

Well, thanks, Granny, but I'm a human. Well, no one's perfect. But you can visit any time we're very friendly here. I wanted to ask you about that, Granny. What do you think of letting real people into Disneyland's haunted mansion?

Well, they are kind of fun to watch, but all that yelling and screaming is spooky. But you think they never seem to go wrong.