Bank Robbery with Marlene Dietrich

The cigarette that's first in the service presents the Abbot and Costello program. With a music of Lee Stevens and his orchestra, the songs of Connie Haines and the Camel Quintet, tonight's guest, Miss Marlena Dietrich, and starring Bud Abbot and Luke Costello.

Oh, Costello. Oh, who you stop that noise? What are you doing here in the studio dressing your bathing suit? Well, I spent all day trying to get my car out of the swimming pool. What was it doing there?

Don't you read the papers, Abbot? The government says you have to pool your car. Oh, you dummy. They mean share the ride. You have to pick up people. Oh, I did that yesterday. I picked up Helen, Mary, Rosie, and Josie.

But your car holds more than that. Yeah, but now they only allow you four gals a week. You can't get it. Well, never mind that casteller. Where have you been all week? What have you been doing? Oh boy, if I've been having fun with Connie Haynes, no kidding.

That's something I took into a football game. What a game! What excitement! Any passes? No. Her mother was with us. And another thing, Abbot, there was a man sitting next to us with a six-month-old baby.

All afternoon, the kid was crying. He was so hungry. Well, didn't the father bring a bottle? Yeah, but the kid wanted milk. Finally, to shut the kid up, I'd give him a penny. Well, did I keep him quiet?

Yeah, but he kept waving the penny in front of my binoculars. You ruined the game. How did it ruin the game? All afternoon. Lincoln was playing in the backfield. Well, forget the football game. Much better this afternoon, huh?