Opening A Marriage Bureau

Hey, Abbott, what time is it? It's time for the Abbott and Costello Show. We're on the air for ABC here in Hollywood. Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go with the Abbott and Costello Show.

Yes, it's the Abbott and Costello Show. Produced and transcribed in Hollywood tonight for your listening pleasure with Susan Miller and the music of Matty Malley. Hold on to your tears, folks. For here they are, put Abbott and Luke Costello.

Costello, Costello, what's the matter with you tonight? Jane Russell, just kiss me. Jane Russell, just kiss you? Well, this smoking coming out of my ears for nothing. Well, never mind that, Castello. What time was it when you came in last night?

It was a quarter of 12. Yeah, it so happens, Castello, that I looked at the clock and it was three. Well, so what about it? So what about it? Three is a quarter of 12.

Did you have a good time at the party? Good time. Why, you have it, they treated me like a king. One of those high class society affairs, you know, where they give you all tea and all tea.

Little crackers and sardines, that's what they give you. Little crackers, no, Castello, they were orders. Well, I should've, they were what? They were orders, orders. How do you like that? taste it just like sardines to me.

Castelli, you're getting more stupid every day. I've tried and I've tried to improve your mind, but I just can't seem to get anywhere. Why don't you face it? I've admit that you're a fake. Oh, skip it.

Skip it? Yes. Ah, wait a minute. What did you go to party with, Susan Miller? Oh, no. Susan and I had a fight. Well, you should be ashamed of yourself fighting with a lovely girl like Susan Miller.