Basic Training

The Davis wants an airbase in Tucson, Arizona, the Abbot and Costello program, brought to you by Camel, the cigarette of costlier, properly aged tobacco. See if your throat and your taste don't make Camel a first with you too.

Find out for yourself. Listen to the great rhythms of Freddie Reg and his orchestra, the swingy singing of Connie Haines. And that chubby little civilian who, when he reported to the commanding officer, uttered these historic words.

Costella, where have you been? Just look at you, your face is spread with lipstick. From your eyebrows to your chin. Yeah, I know that ever. That's the last time I've ever kissed a wack and a jeep with a motor on it.

Look, I missed you on the train coming out from Hollywood. Costella, where were you? Haven't I had a very rough trip? You did? I had stand up all the way. Everybody had a place to sleep with me.

There was even an army dog sleeping in an upper berth. A dog in an upper berth? Yeah. Why didn't you complain to the conductor? I did. I said conductor. There's an army dog in the upper berth, and I can't understand it.

And what did he say? He says I can't understand it either. He paid for a loan. I know. Never mind that. Look, so he got a drawing room. Oh, right. Never mind. Look, what is that outfit you're wearing?

Oh, I'm supposed to be a cowboy, Abbott. You do? I don't like my four-gallon hat. That, Costello, don't you mean a ten-gallon hat? Nope, four-gallon. All I had was an eight-ticket. Well, if you're supposed to be a cowboy, where are your shaps?