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Hertz You Drive

Abbott and Costello · January 18, 1945 · 29 min · 4,181 words

The transcript of “Hertz You Drive”, an episode of Abbott and Costello first broadcast January 18, 1945. Press a time to play from that line (a 60-second preview; Potato Plus plays it all). Abbott and Costello plays Abbott and Costello free, live around the clock. Search inside this transcript.

Machine transcript (may contain errors).

Transcript

The Avenue Costello program brought to you by Camel, the cigarettes that's first in the service according to actual sales records. See if your throat and your taste don't make Camel a first with you too.

Find out for yourself. Listen to the great rhythms of Freddie Ritz and his orchestra, the swingy singing of Connie Haines. And that lumpy little lady killer who whenever he finds himself alone with a girl, softly whispers, Hey!

That girl's a pants to me in. I wanna roll! I wanna roll! Don't don't fit! All right, all right, all right, all right. I cut that like, I cut that like, what's the matter with you?

What's the idea of singing that song? I gotta sing it. I feel like singing about fences. Why? My girl just gave me the gate. Well, if you're... The girl gave you the gate? Why are you so happy?

Why am I happy? Yeah. Good news. Set myself a new girl. Beautiful girl. What do you mean? What a dish. I call her my little firecracker. Firecracker? Yeah, she's got red hair and bangs. Not just a minute, Costello. You say your new girlfriend has red hair and is she teaching?

What is your girl, Petian? What do you think she's a baby? She's through with T-Shan. She's got all a teeth. No, no, no, no. I'm talking about T-Shan hair. T-Shan hair is red. T-Shan hair is red, isn't it?

Her hair may be red, but her teeth is white. She's brushing her teeth every day with a toothbrush, Petian. Look, I'm talking about your girlfriend's hair. Does she wave her hair? That's a very silly question.

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