What happens
Costello and Abbott trade jokes about marriage, romance and money, with Costello recalling a broken engagement and a failed date with an usher. Abbott tries to set Costello up with singer Connie Haines, and Costello is sent to Professor Melonhead's charm school for lessons in etiquette. The lessons go badly, as Costello misunderstands each instruction. Later the pair head to a Los Angeles nightclub with only a few dollars between them, where they meet an assortment of odd patrons and waiters. The transcript breaks off with the two men facing a large restaurant bill and Connie Haines on her way to join them.
A radio comedy stage, featuring a courthouse, a charm school and a Los Angeles nightclub.
Characters: Costello, Abbott, Professor Melonhead, Emma Fiddlebuster, Connie Haines, Uncle Artie Stevens, Tessie Tinfoil, Ruby
Listen for: Costello's misunderstandings during the charm school lessons, and the bill-paying scene at the nightclub.
Written from the episode itself; it never gives away the ending. Every recording is remastered for the stream: cleaned of rumble, hiss and mains hum (and the old TV whine where we found it), then levelled in two passes to steady broadcast loudness, so one show is never quieter than the next.