Exposing a Phony Swami

The Craft Foods Company presents The Great Gilder's Sleeves. It's The Great Gilder's Sleeves, starring Harold Perry, brought to you by The Craft Foods Company, bakers of Far K. margarine, and a complete line of famous quality food products.

We take you now to Summerfield, home of that prominent figure and humble servant of the people, Brock Morton P. Gilder's Sleeves, who is to be found this morning as every morning Caesar at the breakfast table, automifying himself for the day's work ahead.

Leroy, if I might trouble you again for the marmalade. Marmalade, come and throw heads up, my... Uncle Mort, it's loaded with sugar. I know that. I shouldn't really be eating any. But just a smidgen to finish off my toast.

I suppose now you want another piece of toast. Well, one piece perhaps to go with my marmalade. There goes another New Year's resolution. Oh, I can get into fighting trim very quickly, my dear. Once I put my mind to it.

Yes, Bertie? Shall I pour you a second cup? Or you want to give me an argument first? Ha ha ha. Well, I know I shouldn't, but just a small one, Bertie. You know, just do what?

I know, just to wash down the toast and marmalade. Ha ha ha ha. Save when? You know, when it comes to breakfast, Bertie, I'm afraid you spoil me. Don't take no help from me. Oh, that's enough.

My gracious, you poured me a full cup there, Bertie. I said save when. Well, as long as you poured it, it wouldn't do to waste any, would it? At beginning tomorrow, Bertie, one cup only. One cup?

Every blessed morning we go through this. No, my dear, I don't think that's quite fair. It's true, isn't it? Well, I get hungry. Hey! Where is it? Why didn't you say so instead of screaming like a maniac?