This Will Kill You

And now, tonight's presentation of Radio's Outstanding Theater of Thrills, the Spence. Tonight, we bring you a story of a man's life and his defeat at the hands of his greatest enemy. We call it, This Will Kill You.

So now starring Sam Edwards here is tonight's The Spence Play. This Will Kill You. Listen, get a load of this. This will kill you. I got a story that should be written up by one of those big magazine writers.

Only mine is true. Yeah, the whole thing is true, so help me. They say the truth is stranger than fiction, don't they? Well, get this. I was working down at Acme Engineering, an outfit making hydraulic valves for all the big airplane companies.

We had a foreman named Charlie Harris, one of those big, good-looking guys who thought he was a big shot because he was boss. Well, this guy was always picking on me. Like for instance, one morning I came to work a few minutes late and his Harris says, Well, good afternoon, Jordan.

I'll save those gags for Jack Benny. It's only a quarter after eight. I'll get here at eight and you'll be spared my sense of humor. You had a guy got a right to get here a couple of minutes late once in a while.

Sure, once in a while, Joe, but not every other day. Oh gee, Charlie, my alarm clock's on the bum. Save that for the teacher. Come on, Joe, get on the ball. Save that for the teacher, he said.

Always throwing up to me that he graduated from engineering school, and I never even got a chance to go to high school As if you need an education to be a smart guy Why I could tell you a hundred guys who never even went to school and they could buy and sell that guy