Murder mystery

Forces at Santa Barbara's redistribution station, the Lucky Strike program. Starring Jack Benny. Fasten your safety belt, batten down your hatch, and keep out of range, because here he comes, Jack Benny. Thank you, thank you.

Again, as Jack Benny taught me, I'm done. That was a very unusual introduction. But during the last war, when I was on a ship, it wasn't batten down the hatch. It was batten down the hutch.

Batten down the hutch. Yeah, things were so quiet our admiral was raving rabbit. That's the first egg you hutch it. Anyway, Don, it's wonderful being up here at the Santa Barbara redistribution station, isn't it?

Well, it certainly is, Jack. You know what an army redistribution station is, don't you? Oh, of course, Don, of course. That's where they bring the boys to kind of peel them out to see if they'd like to be civilians again.

Oh, yes, they won't be able to volunteer to be a civilian, and this morning he begged to be back in uniform. He spun off at a blue-served suit, picks up everything but girls. Anyway, down...

Now, wait a minute, Jack, you've got the whole thing wrong. A redistribution station is where they send the boys to be a reassigned for further duty. Oh, oh, oh. Gee, how can a big star like me, who almost won the Academy Award, be so stupid?

Anyway, Donna, come in. Mr. Benny? Yeah. The boy station here at Santa Barbara had asked me to present you with this delayed action bomb. The delayed action bomb? Why give it to me? We've delayed it long enough.

The fine way for the army to treat me, just because I used to be in the Navy. Oh, they were only kidding, Jack. In fact, you wouldn't have had a room last night if the army hadn't controlled the Bill Farhold town here.