Resolves to Be Friends With Fred Allen

The Jack Benny program! Hang up his calendar.

But again, thank you. Hello again. This is Playboy Benny. Wishing you all a happy New Year. Don, that was a funny introduction. And this being New Year's Eve, I'm not going to be mad at you.

Of course, I'll hate myself in the morning. Yes, Don, here it is New Year's Eve. And in just a few hours, it'll be 1945. 1945. What you wouldn't give it to be 45 again. Mary, that's an easy joke if I ever heard one.

But this is New Year's Eve. What? Then I'm not gonna be mad at ya, you know? Thanks, Cookie. You're welcome, Poopsie. Hello, Bill. I didn't see ya come in. Hiya, Jackson. Well, I wanted to surprise ya.

Do you notice anything different about me? Let's see, a new tie? No? New shirt? Proper spirit. Well, Jack, I hate to bring this up, but you didn't think of me. You didn't give me anything for Christmas.

Oh, yes, Donna. I ordered a nice gift for ya, but it didn't get here yet. See, they're having a little trouble. It's Montgomery War. And listen, kids, now that you brought it up, that was a fine present you all chipped in and gave me.

Hmm, a gift certificate for a dinner at the thrift was good, but I kept slipping off the stool all over. Anyway, kids, Christmas is over, and after our program, I want you all to come over to my house and see the new year in.

Boy, am I gonna have fun. Oh, sure, sure. What do you mean, oh, sure, sure? You'll have fun, all right. You'll drink three bottles of Coca-Cola, two seven ups, and one Dr. Pepper. Then 10 minutes later, you'll put on a ladies hat and holler, yee-ee!