Archie Finds a Diary

It's Duffy Tavern, the Friday night transcribed feature on NBC's All-Star Festival of Comedy, Music, Mystery and Drama, brought to you by Chesterfield, the cigarette that has for you what every smoker wants. Mileness plus no-one plus an aftertaste, the cigarette that brings you Bing Crosby and Bob Hope, by the makers of Aniston, for fast relief from pain of headache, new writers,

New Ralcha and by RCA Victor, world leader in radio, first in recorded music, first in television. And now here we go friends to Duffy's Tavern with Arthur Treacher, Bert Gordon as the Mad Russian, Hazel Sherman as Miss Duffy and starring Archie himself, Ed Gardner.

Hello Duffy's Tavern, where the elite mate, dude Archie the Man just bacon Duffy ain't here. Oh, oh Duffy, hey Duffy, Mrs. Callahan just called and she wants you to return Callahan's strike pants, you know, the ones that you wore St. Patrick's Day.

And she says he needs them right away for a funeral. Who's his? What? The trousers split? Oh, here. Yeah. Fifth Avenue. Well, look, why don't you return them anyway? The position Callahan's going to be in at that funeral, the split ain't going to show.

Incidentally, Duffy, and no one specked up from the healthy apartment was in today. Yeah, no guy. Well, you know, these days when the healthy apartment sends a man to Duffy's tavern, they ask for volunteers.

Well, he picked on everything, you know. The rice pudding was all wrong, just because a couple of raisins tried to fly out. Everything was wrong. The way he wrapped the joint, you'd think he was a customer.

Only thinking complimented it's on was our garbage. And even that I didn't take as so much of a compliment. He was looking into our ice box when he said it. But the last laugh was on him.