Archie Writes an Opera

It's Duffy's Tavern, the Friday Night Transcribe feature, on NBC's All-Star Festival of Comedy, Music, Mystery and Drama, brought to you by the makers of Anasim, for fast relief from pain of headache, Neuritis, Neoralgia, by RCA Victor, world leader in radio, first in recorded music, first in television, and by Chesterfield, the cigarette that has for you mildness with

No one pleasant aftertaste. The cigarette that brings you Bing Crosby and Bob Hope. And now, here we go friends to Duffy's Tavern, starring Archie himself, Ed Gardner. Hello, Duffy's Tavern, where the elite meat date.

Archie the man just speaking, Duffy ain't here. Oh, oh, Duffy. Hey, guess what I did last night. All right, go ahead and guess. Now, now, I went to the opera. I was not. I was cold sober. You should have seen me, Duffy. I wore my dark pinstripe suit, and I rented a top hat. I felt right at home. You couldn't tell me from Mrs. Astor's horse.

Duffy, that's a very profane remark. Well, the operats are just like a concert, you know, only instead of the three bees, the opera is more like the three elves. Long, loud, and lousy. Yeah, it's very overrated, Duffy.

You know, it's kind of a thing you like if you have culture, but if you just got brains, you can't stand it. I'll call you back, Duffy. What is it, Miss Duffy? I custom, I just made a pass at me.

Congratulations! I custom, I made a pass at you, huh? Yeah, well don't you think you ought to do something about it? Well, I certainly do. Is that drunk? I better send him home. What did the guy do?