Archie the Agent ( )

Duffy's Tavern starring Archie himself and Gardener. Here we go friends, to Duffy's Tavern, starring Archie himself and Gardener. Hello Duffy's Tavern, what are you late mate? D-hatchy to mind you speaking Duffy ain't he?

Oh, look Duffy. Oh, big excitement here today. Guess what the health inspector discovered in one of our hamburgers. Uranium. Pete 38. Yeah? Well, they, uh, they can't figure where it came from, but they suspect, uh, radioactive horse.

What? Well, Duffy, what are you kicking about? It'll be good advertised. Well, I have the only customers in town with ulcers that light up. Duffy, gotcha. Excuse me, Duffy. Yeah, I think. We got trouble.

Free-greek O'Reilly wants another martini. Well, don't give it to him, Eddie. You know very well that we have a very strict house policy. Only 40 more tinnies to a customer. How many has he had so far?

55. Well, wait a minute. Tell him what you do, Eddie. Give him the Duffy's sobriety test. The Duffy's sobriety test? Yeah, draw a chalk line on the floor and... If he don't trip over it, give him all he wants.

We're supposed to fall down before he hits the chalk line. In that case, you'll charge him to regular flop house rates. Hello? What's up, eh? What's up, eh? All right, he's a good customer. And don't forget, you don't think it's tough these days, just this afternoon, for instance.

One of our most important bookies was telling me he had to lay off four police captains. Well, if you don't like the way I'm running the joint, Why don't you want to yourself, your big-egg head?

What? Oh, yeah. Repeat that. Repeat it again. Repeat it again. Well, Duffy, if you ain't careful, your repetitiousness will drive me into an absolute fix. Huh? I'll go soak you head. In fact, you can go soak both of you.