Christmas Presents

It's Wednesday night, so we take you now to Duffy's Tavern with our guest tonight, Jean-Seblant and starring Archie himself, Ed Gardner! Duffy's Tavern is brought to you by Ipana Toothpaste and Touche, the beforehand lotion.

Ipana for the smile of beauty, Touche for softer lovelier hands. Ipana, Touche. So far the smile of beauty, use I pan art twice a day, and to keep your hands looking lovely, just be sure that you use through she- phone call from Duffy.

That's funny. What time is it, Eddie? Three weeks before Christmas. I've got 30 Duffy. Yeah, that's why he ain't called. You know, you got a present from him last year, didn't you? Yeah. A gift certificate to Joe's push card.

Well, now, have you selected your present for Mr. Duffy yet? Well, uh, to tell you the truth, Eddie, I've been giving it a lot of thought. Mm. Where are you giving him? Nothing. After all, it's the thought that counts.

Well, Mr. Archer, about your present to me. Yeah. Don't give it a thought. Uh, what are you going to buy your girlfriend, Peaches Latour? Peaches Latour, oh, oh, they're strip tees. I gave her the air, Eddie.

When? When him new styles came in, she started wearing addresses longer. How much longer? About 30 seconds. And on her it don't look good. I ain't seen her since I met Renee, you know, my present swain.

Oh, the little French filly. Yeah, yeah. How's that romance progressing? Well, it's progressing a little faster than you, huh? Uh... Uh... Uh... Uh, I can't be too sure, Eddie. I don't seem to get in our way, you know?

She's got a phobia. John Sublon Records. Every time I go to hold her hand, she reaches for the phonograph. And I have to listen to that crummy French singing. Mums lick called dong rue. Yeah, yeah, huh. I'm telling you it's murder.