Guest Orson Welles ( #22)

The Special Service Division invites you soldiers, sailors, and Marines of the United Nations to drop in at Duffy's Tavern. Oh Duffy's where the late mate did Archie and the man just faking Duffy ain't here.

Oh Duffy, tonight's Orson Welles. The actor, writer, producer, and director. What does he do for eleven? Not that he's a genius. Well, Duffy, you know how it is with geniuses. His wife works. His wife is Rita Hayworth.

Yeah, that's what I said, but she picked him. How is business? Well, so far tonight we have took in 80 cents. Yeah, four-spect dinners. Well, Duffy, you have broken joint across the straight is taking all our business away. Well, he's got a floor show over there at 12 chorus girls. What have we got to equal 12 names? Your big fat wife, huh? I don't know,

Duffy, to meet 12 names there somehow is more attractive separate than when they're lumped together like that. Listen, Duffy, maybe Orson Welles could help our business. Well, he's a magician. Certainly just finished putting on a big magic shell for the soldiers.

Yeah, with greater hayworts than moline deedwich. Huh? Oh yeah, you sure seen a wonderful trick she thought up. Huh? What the damn two names you could have thought up wonderful tricks too, huh? Nothing at your age.

How do I give back? You're right. Eddie, please stop standing around. Why don't you wait on the customers? Customers? Are you kidding? Well, just don't stand around to do something. There's a fly over there.

Swatter. If I kill that fly, we'll be all alone here. Yeah, you're right, everything. I can't understand why our business should suffer such a retrench, you know? After all, look at our location. A1. Yeah, but look at the giant.