Guest Milton Berle ( #5)

The Special Service Division invites you soldiers, sailors, and Marines of the United Nations to drop in at Duffy's Tavern. Duffy's what he'll eat mate, to eat Archie the manager's bacon, Duffy ain't here. Oh, oh, Duffy. Duffy, you know what's coming down here tonight?

Smell them for you. Yeah, to start a no-seek-feel-fowlie. What? Has he got nice legs? Ah, Duffy, Duffy, please you remember Milton, the kid that used to steal the joke books. Yeah, then say that he made up the jokes himself.

Yeah, that's the guy. Yeah, Milton, Duffy, would you everybody's a bum? Well, well, Duffy, why don't you be more like me? You know, the New Year's resolution I made? What? Stop stealing from the cash register.

No, Duffy, I resolve that I will help my fellow man. Be he mineral, vegetable, or even you, Duffy. Goodbye. Say no, I. E. What's that sign you write, Miss. Welcome sign from Miltonboro. No, it's a resolution, Eddie.

One of them, no, he is saying. You know, sort of a purver. Listen, Todd, there is a well-known golden rule. Shooty ages, it's been true. Always be good to your neighbor. You may live next door to you.

That's good, huh? Yeah, that makes a lot of sense, too. How about hanging up a sign for the waiter? Me. Like what, Eddie? Well, like this. The golden rule has a fine intent, but a 10 cent tip will pay the rent.

Money. Eddie, don't you know that there's some things in life that money can't buy? You give me the money, I'll do the shopping. Hello. Oh, hello, Finnegan. Hey, Finnegan, you know who's coming down here tonight?